INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

[NorksAreMessy]

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

Heehee, seagulls, I have a flute to toot, away we go. Not through a town, though, thanks all the same...can we all wander up the hills for a while before coming to a collection of little introvert 'book-nooks' or craft corners t snuggle in to?

Have just spent the evening pinning cloves into oranges to make pomanders, DD home from university happily sitting quietly reading, DH pottering happily, DS in his 'lair' happily. Fire lit, calm and peace. This'll do me very nicely, thank you :)

I am delighted that more have come to join this thread. I hope you gain as much peace and contentment as I have from meeting all of you

INTJ?

Ok, so I went away to inform myself. I am INFJ, apparently.

I am ISFJ and the write up describes me spookilly well.

Journey I get what you're saying about being great at written communication but hating phone calls, I am exactly the same at work. I love writing reports (and spreadsheets) when I can just get on with it, and fire off emails promptly. I hardly ever make calls to discuss things I find it very hard work!

YY journey and smudged, I'm the same when it comes to email/phone. I spend much of my day writing reports and producing spreadsheets too and also enjoy the level of concentration this requires. I never, ever ring anyone at work (and generally prefer to text or email friends too) unless I have no alternative.

Journey I'm very jealous of your impending trip to Finland. I loved Helsinki and would like to travel more widely across Finland some day.

Popius, how did you teach yourself social skills?

Hi everyone. As this thread was recently 'one' I wanted to say belated thanks to norks for this thread which I've gathered some comfort from for all the reasons others have said.

farrow Your post on November 28th struck a chord with me. I'm just so much more myself at this time of year, iykwim? Currently sat in Starbucks near work and there's hardly anyone in here and I'm drinking my coffee and gathering my thoughts in between MNing and online window shopping. I've become an expert at finding the quiet cafés in London! Afternoon off today so will go to another cafe before going to watch a film at the cinema alone.

Still need to read 'Quiet'. Think it'll be my first book of 2014.

QUIET currently available quite cheaply on Amazon

Hello everyone, I haven't been on this thread for a while so I thought I'd say hello. I'm an INTJ MB type too but walk and talk like an extrovert. I'm trying to be more authentic though as I've found that trying to be something you're not just confuses and annoys people as they think I'm being rude. I love this time of year as it's OK to stay in, snuggle down and hibernate and you're not seen as 'weird' for wanting to do so. Yes yes to the person who said that they were going to Finland and love the Arctic. I'm planning a trip to Greenland with a friend next year (we are both hermit types) and can't wait. How lovely to have a group of introverts. I wish I could have that in real life. Popius I taught myself social skills from TV in the late 1980s so I used to be too enthusiastic and smiley, as I watched American TV programmes mainly.

Hello!

Ah, I'm so glad to be posting on this thread.

I read 'Quiet' earlier this year and it has been life-changing. I feel far more comfortable about who I am now -- less weird, more confident about my own needs and wishes for peace and under-the-radarness.

I think I probably confuse people, because I can appear quite outgoing and sociable and if I need to I can speak well in public. (It scares the shit out of me and I really have to talk myself up to do it though, and deflate for about 3 hours afterwards.) I have lots of small pockets of friends and enjoy spending time with them talking and discussing.

I think the most miserable I have felt as an introvert was at a wedding abroad once where it was organised that the whole wedding party would spend one of the post-wedding days drinking at a ranch-type location. There was nowhere to hide; nowhere to get warm and cosy (it was autumn and chilly). It was just drinking and buffet food all day long. I only knew DP and the bride and groom and I really don't like to get drunk in the day. The bride actually said to me 'How come you're such an outsider?' She didn't mean to be mean she was just drunk.

Oh, and enforced dancing. How do you all feel about enforced dancing on nights out? I like to dance but on my own terms thanks very much. Stop yanking my hand.

Welcome BitScary. That day sounds horrific! I love a drink or several in the evening but a whole day drinking?! I really don't get why some people revolve their social lives around booze

Yes I love my glass of wine too! Just hate being in a situation of enforced fun. What I loved about 'Quiet' was that it chimed so utterly with my abhorrence of forced fun, teamwork, team days out, you name it.

I read 'Quiet' at the same time as Charlotte Bronte's Villette. And it threw a whole new light on the book for me. Lucy Snowe is a classic introvert

Bitscary

Most Introverts would say that the words "Pool Party" are the worst in the english language.

I disagree, to me, it's the words "Dance off". I love dancing, I love routine dancing, ballroom dancing but "dance off" makes me want to run a mile and shout the words "Fuck off" behind me.

"Dance off" and "Karaoke" are the two main things that chill me to the bone. You can see me physically shudder.

I'm not a big drinker either and find the whole drinking side of being social baffling. Why do it? Just why? What's the point? I don't get it. Get drunk at home where you are comfy yeah, but out? Out and about? Out there? No thanks.

Not being a people person means I have to keep my wits about me as it is.

I can really identify with you all.

I can't stand enforced fun, such as the Christmas lunch at work. The awfulness of the games and fake laughter. I am now an expert at blending into the background and not being picked for things.

I must come across as a right misery but I just can't bear it. I like my colleagues and I like having a laugh with them but I can't stand being forced into Joining In.

If I've been around a lot of people and/or in a situation like that above, I have to take some time out afterwards. My youngest DD is the same, she likes to have half an hour to herself after school just to 'be'.

I don't know about the rest of you but my biggest problem is having my photograph taken. I can't stand it to the point of shaking and cold sweats. This is something I need to address as there are barely any photos of me and my DD's/DP. I'm considering hypnotherapy as it really is an issue.

Oh, you are all GREAT, thank you. The more I read this thread the more accepted I feel. Thank you all for sharing.

I (no surprise) can't bear New Years Eve BUT tomorrow I am cooking and 'buttling' for the teenage DC posh NYE dinner party. That is just absolutely perfect. I get to make lovely things, make people happy, and eat in the kitchen :)

Did you all survive Christmas? I had MIL (introvert artist - I LOVE my MIL) and BIL (stays in bed until 3pm) and teenage friend of DD (not my responsibility) it was the most relaxed I have been in years. Nobody 'belonged' to me, I could just be me and run away to the studio if I felt stressed.

Oh, and YES about photos. I often joke if I go missing that they will need to age enhance my wedding photos by 25 years to put on Crimewatch. There aren't many others

I take a truly awful photo, probably because I cannot relax and smile on demand, The only good ones are ones I didn't know were being taken.

It has just occurred to me that photos are another "forced" situation, like forced jollity. Maybe introverts are just naturally noncompliant?

This has disappeared from my Threads I'm On so I have to search for it in Topics every time. I thought if you were on thread it stayed in there forever even if you don't post for a while? Anyway it's not even that long since I posted I don't think! Hope everyone has a lovely quiet New Year. DCs in bed here, sea bass cooking and a DVD ready to watch. My kind of New Year!

Seagulls I keep losing this thread too - lurking mainly but getting moral support. Happy new year to you all - today's visitors are gone, we will eat in half an hour then get the DSs to bed and watch Sherlock from the last series in preparation for tomorrow.

Just found this thread so will have a read through and hope to be contributing in 2014

Myrtle, enjoy, should make some interesting New Year reading for you.

Maillot, have just said to DH we need to watch the last Sherlock again before tomorrow's!

And Norks, thanks again for founding "The Sanctuary".

I have just discovered a perfect way to have a dinner party.

DD and DS (19 and 16) are having a dinner party. DH and I are cooking and buttling. We get all the fun of setting the table beautifully, cooking lovely food and getting all the fun of seeing people enjoying themselves.
BUT
DH and I could hide in the kitchen, get all the washing up done, eat with our fingers, and have a giggle by ourselves without having to chat or be stressed.
We were plotting how we could get away with doing Christmas like that :)

Happy New Year everyone.

I also had a quiet night in yesterday and thoroughly enjoyed it, even slept well for a change.

I'm starting 'Quiet' today and also going to the gym to clear out the cobwebs. Home for seven and looking forward to watching Sherlock then I need to psyche myself up for my return to work tomorrow in my horrible open-plan office with people who seemingly can't stop talking.

I keep losing this thread, too

Happy new year everyone, I've just re-discovered this thread too. I'll have a read and come back later

Funny how many
Sherlock fans there are here!