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Original poster

INTROVERTS THREAD ...shhhh, we're over here

999 replies

NorksAreMessy · 24/11/2012 23:04

Hello fellow introverts. I hope the last thread exploded due to time since it was started, and not because it was controversial. :o

I started the original thread after reading the wonderful book quiet and realizing that I was not alone.

Lots of people were kind enough to share their thoughts and experiences, and it was a good support for those of us who like being alone; hate parties, especially hen nights; love reading, crafting, walking, painting, creating; enjoy solitude; need some recovery time after being in a crowd; prefer thought to action.

We are not necessarily shy, we can be confident and even outspoken, but we are at our happiest having a bit of a think on our own, thanks all the same

It's a bit odd to have a group of introverts, but I prefer to think of us as a collective. Separate but together.

As Christmas approaches, I thought we might need a thread to help us through it all

OP posts:
MillyRules · 02/12/2013 16:33

beast what is Myers Briggs type ....shall I look it up? I am genuinely interested in talking to people (don't like small talk at all, find it hard and fake) and this "interest" is often misunderstood too and people then want to invite me into their worlds, coffee, dinner, etc etc....which is lovely but I then feel odd because I don't want to become part of their world and then they think me odd or standoffish. Its difficult isn't it.

MillyRules · 02/12/2013 16:35

Pop I learnt social skills from a young age....I think you have to through necessity so that you can at least "appear" normal but have spent my life feeling not really part of it and different. Hate large groups, love one to one yet I come across as extrovert in certain situations. I think its because i like to amuse and entertain people Confused

Beastofburden · 02/12/2013 17:10

www.myersbriggs.org/my-mbti-personality-type/mbti-basics/

Is one of many places to find you MB type. I find it interesting. though agree, the book Quiet was also brilliant. I read quiet when I went to bath spa, totally by myself, a thing which some people think qualifies you for a padded cell in itself :)

MillyRules · 02/12/2013 17:15

Lol........will have a look....thanks.

Littlegreyauditor · 02/12/2013 20:03

I'm an INFJ as is my husband and my dad. (Up thread I said INFP, but this was poor recollection- I am the same one as Hitler and Ghandi). This seems to me to be a strange concentration of the rare type, particularly clustered round my very extrovert mother Grin

Beastofburden · 02/12/2013 20:22

INFJ here too, little grey.

When I worked in the city, it was ultra rare, people came to stare at my results on the management course where we all got done.

Now I work in a university, it is the most common type among those colleagues who have have it done.

Mefisto · 03/12/2013 13:26

Another INFJ here. I also find that some people ( generally work colleagues) are surprised when I say I'm an introvert. But I absolutely am.

Milly your posts made me smile with recognition- yy to feeling like an imposter and the awkwardness of obligation when invited somewhere I would rather not be. I hate feeling like I'm being unfriendly and dismissive so generally go along when invited anywhere but then feel dread beforehand and often completely drained afterwards.

Original poster
NorksAreMessy · 04/12/2013 22:24

Is it time to swap 'excuses we are giving for not going to that party' ?

I am very old now and just say 'sorry, I can't come' when invited to most parties...especially loud shouting in the middle of town ones.
I used to make excuses about babysitters and travel and illness, but, actually, I don't bother any more.

Good luck all you introverts with no choice but to party-on!- I hope you find another interesting quiet person who is happy to talk properly in the garden/on the landing/away from the screechers :)

OP posts:
Littlegreyauditor · 04/12/2013 23:37

Blind them with the truth: I would go, but I don't want to Xmas Grin

fairisleknitter · 05/12/2013 00:16

Another INFJ here and people think I'm rather extraverted because I like meeting new people and chatting one-to-one, but I do prefer to be alone with a good book!

HogiBear27 · 05/12/2013 19:36

Good Evening all, I've just made my way through the thread and I am so glad that I stumbled across it.

I can definately identify with the unannounced visitors (I wish I wasn't like that but it does set me on edge) / no notice get togethers / Autumn (which I did think was just me - I adore this time of year) / Definately prefer smaller get togethers /Noise sometimes / I'm a little bit creative and I enjoy reading.

Although -gasp - I do enjoy organising events. I have organised my work Christmas Lunch. I won't stay out very late into the night (I too am drained after a few hours) or be the centre of attention but I have enjoyed putting the event together. I enjoy Halloween as well.

As for reasons to not going out - My work has a no drinking standby duty so I says I am covering that (Even if I am not on it. I do feel bad but then it saves me being whinged at by enforcing extrovert). I am hoping to study in the New Year so can use that in 2014. Perhaps these reasons are not very helpful to you but i am getting less ashamed (I don't know why I should be!) of saying 'No thank You, thanks for thinking of me - have a great time.'

I'm having a cuppa in the corner :)

greenhill · 05/12/2013 21:36

Welcome to everyone that has found the thread. norks has set up a home from home for all of us.

So pleased to see that people are recognising their true self.

Introvert and proud, here too.

amazingness · 05/12/2013 21:53

Marking place, thanks for thread norks

MillyChristmas · 05/12/2013 22:24

Mefisto .....glad you resonate with me Xmas Smile

MillyChristmas · 05/12/2013 22:28

My husband used to make excuses but now he just says "Sorry, Im antisocial" ......just like that!!! We make a great pair.....we love staying at home.

idlevice · 05/12/2013 23:12

Ooh, I was genuinely excited to see this thread title! Have had a quick read & a lot resonates with me. I remember reading my school reports and seeing "shy", "quiet", etc bandied about as if it were something undesirable. At several points in my life I have thought I must have proper social phobia & been quite anxious about it. Last time I did the Meyers-Brigg I was an INTJ and I'm an only child of parents who were both only children. Sorry, that was a bit of a hodge-podge of random stuff about me...

As for handling social invitations...I have that solved by not really having any good enough friends so no invites to worry about.

smudgedgraffiti · 06/12/2013 13:51

I would love to be able to say "I'm sorry, I'm antisocial...", in fact I might use that one next time I get asked somewhere I don't want to go, thanks!

I have been invited to two parties over Xmas and have managed to get out of both by scheduling in visits with close long-term dear friends on those days - then I could reply with a "I'm sorry I'm already doing xyz". Feeling calm about Xmas now.

MrsSquirrel · 06/12/2013 14:05

I find it's easy enough to decline invitations at this time of year when there are a zillion other things going on. I just say I already have plans then. I don't bother saying that my other plans are sitting at home on the sofa with my dog and a book.

fairisleknitter · 07/12/2013 18:05

My problem us my husband generates the invites, he IS sociable.

A couple of years ago I got enmeshed in a group of mums from school who were going out and he was so thrilled for me! It was sweet actually.

Of course I found it totally frustrating being out in a large group of people and found it quite stressful trying to extricate myself from activities without offending.

NumptyNu · 07/12/2013 20:41

Can I join your gang?

Original poster
NorksAreMessy · 07/12/2013 22:23

Welcome numpty do you feel at home?

OP posts:
StarsUponThars · 07/12/2013 22:27

Hi everyone, can I join? I'm an INTP, not that I can remember what all of the letters mean Grin. So, what's this thread all about then?

NumptyNu · 08/12/2013 07:46

I do, I do! Where have you all been all my life. I can't describe my delight an reassurance in finding this thread.

SeagullsAreLikeThat · 08/12/2013 20:06

A couple more people saved from a lifetime of feeling "weird" by this lovely thread. I have this image of Norks as some kind of Pied Piper skipping through town with a gaggle of grateful introverts in her wakeSmile.

JourneyThroughLife · 08/12/2013 20:29

Ooh, I've just found this thread - rather late in the day. I'm an INTJ type. No-one believes it when I say I'm an introvert but on the Myers-Biggs scale I'm way up at the far end of the introvert bit of the scale. As I'm older, I have learned over time to deal with gatherings and parties but I avoid them if possible. And if I have to attend such events I make sure there are several breaks (eg. go to the loo) where I go to be quiet for a while to re-energise before returning.

I am best at communicating in writing. I can write good reports and so forth, but prefer not to do face-to-face unless I have to. I am famous at work for not bothering to answer the 'phone (which I think a waste of time) and answering messages left with a quick e-mail instead. In fact most people know they will get an instant (almost) response by e-mail but not if they telephone, so they don't bother. I'm also well-known at work for using the phrase "E-mail if you want me - you've got fingers, haven't you?"

During my holidays I go to places like the arctic where there isn't much talking and very few people....oh joy!! This Christmas I'm off to Finland for the first time, I'm told they don't really talk much there and don't make eye contact either as it's considered rude and "too intimate" to look at someone else. Sounds like a nation of introverts to me!!