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Original poster

Am i right to find this cringeworthy?

143 replies

Ledodgy · 04/04/2006 09:01

Ok today I recieved a wedding invitation to the evening do to a university friend's wedding it had this poem stuffed inside:

"We've been together a few years now;
We have pots and pans and linen and towels;
We have glasses and toasters, really quite a few;
So instead of more gifts, we suggest this to you;
If it doesn't offend and it won't send you running;
What we would really appreciate is quite simply money;
We know choosing gifts can be such a pain;
And this way there is no chance of bringing the same."

Now apart from it being an awful poem with dubious punctuation (won't) I can't help feeling that it's really crass asking people straight out for money. Am I being unreasonable feeling this way?

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/04/2006 15:18

Let's face it, most people who go to weddings do not go empty handed, so you can either put up with 10 identical vases and an array of glasswear, or you can risk being called cheeky and ask for something you really do want!

Socci · 04/04/2006 15:28

well I think asking for money (unless it's your very close family) is always a cheek and I think anyone who does it clearly has no pride at all, but that's just me. It's in particularly poor taste, especially if someone already has all they need. It sounds so grasping.

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 04/04/2006 15:31

I think that apart from the poem the main problem is that it is just an utterly unqualified pitch for money. not a contribution to their honeymoon. not to put towards an extension; not a deposit on a house; not for some large bits of furniture, not to decorate the house. The problem with an unqualified request for money is that it fails to acknowledge that giving is something that gives pleasure to the giver, as well as the recipient. By reducing the gift to cash they take away any possible pleasure for the giver. And for me, that kind of misses the point.

Original poster
Ledodgy · 04/04/2006 15:32

That sums it up perfectly TWWTSWAH!

OP posts:
Rhubarb · 04/04/2006 15:34

But what if they are going to spend it on a holiday or something like that? They probably are tbh they just haven't said what!

It really wouldn't be a problem with me, but I guess I'm in a minority then!

thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat · 04/04/2006 15:36

the fact that they don't see fit to share with the potential giver what it is they are spending on means my point stands - they are not looking at this from the pov of the givers.

georginarf · 04/04/2006 15:36

oooh you are so wise TWWTSWAH

Socci · 04/04/2006 15:40

I think thewomanwhothoughtshewasahat has hit the nail on the head. When my friend got married she put a note asking those who wanted to buy a gift to give a holiday voucher to put towards their honeymoon. Perfectly acceptable imo, as is saying "if you want to see the wedding list" That poem is the worst thing I have ever heard, especially "simply money"

Socci · 04/04/2006 15:41

yeah - who wants to "donate" their hard earned cash to be frittered away?

Rhubarb · 04/04/2006 15:43

since when has a hat been wise?

Moomin · 04/04/2006 15:54

when friends of mine from uni got married they asked for m&s vouchers and got loads, which was great but whe they came back from honeymoon they were so skint they spent their vouchers over the next few months in the foodhall stocking up their cupboards! hardly what the guest would have intended their hard-earned cash to be spent on!

i think in this country we do have a problem with being asked for money; it's seen as rude. but i can't get worked up about it really. i'd rather have a request for vouchers myself if they didn't have a wedding list. and i also think it's a bit off some folk stating that they feel so offended they'd give the money to charity on their behalf! so presumably, if they asked for a gift you hated, you'd buy them something else you thought was in better taste?!

MadamePlatypus · 04/04/2006 16:09

Absolutely agree with thewomanwhothoughtshewasa hat. These people are basically saying "we think left to your own devices you will buy us a crap present and we don't even think you are enough of a friend to either enjoy buying the present or be interested on what, given that we are asking for cash, we might spend it on. However, we really do expect you do get us something".

Moomin · 04/04/2006 16:11

is there really anyone who gets married and lets their guests have a completely free range on what to buy? surely most people have a list at least

CountessDracula · 04/04/2006 16:12

Buy them a pot of honey and say you mis-read the poem

CountessDracula · 04/04/2006 16:13

Yes moomin but to even tell people where it is without them asking is inuuterably rude IMHO

CountessDracula · 04/04/2006 16:14

And as for people who put those little JL wedding list thingys with invitations.... grrrrrr

moondog · 04/04/2006 16:30

Wedding plans to funny things to women.
They suddenly render people who have never done anything more taxing than microwave a plastic pouch of rice into the sort of folk who drink spirits out of 'hiball' glasses (wtf??)and have seven course dinner parties on Royal Doulton.

In their dreams that is.

I bought my babysitter an electric carving knife from her wedding list,precisely because it was so incongruous.
The thought of someone as slothful as her and her beloved actually cooking renders me speechless with mirth.
Plus,electric carving knives ar as naff as it gets.

She had a small list,which Iinsisted she gave me,so that was ok by me.

Original poster
Ledodgy · 04/04/2006 16:32

It's funny you should say that Moondog because the women in question lived at home during uni and didn't even know how to make a cup of tea and i'm not joking. I once made her egg fried rice and she was impressed beyond belief. Grin

OP posts:
moondog · 04/04/2006 16:34

Told ya!!

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/04/2006 16:36

LOL - has anyone heard the podcast from Ricky Gervais where he talks about gifting a goat?

That really is a lose lose gift dont you know....Grin

Issymum · 04/04/2006 16:43

"Can't stand evening invites...that's another thread though. "

No - make it this thread. I can't stand them either. Although I hazily remember (it was a loooong time ago) that there may have been a few people we invited only to the evening bash. Blush

By the time you get to the evening most of the guests are drunk already, the family disputes are raging and the bride has gone from 'blushing and beautiful' to a rather bedraggled harpie with manic eyes, smudged mascara and an incongruous streak of mud up her inner thigh. Weddings are about witnessing a marriage, not turning up at the aftermath.

moondog · 04/04/2006 16:48

VVV,much as I like the idea behind it,there is something infuriatingly smug about giving a charitable gift.
The only truly altruistic way it would work is to insist on being given one oneself.

babyonboard · 04/04/2006 16:51

all my friends say 'weding and evening' on invites for not so close friends/fmily, as i'm sure they can't afford to pay for everone to have lunch.
we much prefer that kind of invittion from a friend that isn't that much of friend,
as going to a wedding 'dinner' with the speches nd crappy food they obviously paid too much far are not that much fun
rather see the wedding, go for lunch with other friends and come bck for the evening do

Issymum · 04/04/2006 17:03

OK! Good point BonB.

VeniVidiVickiQV · 04/04/2006 17:12

Moondog, have you heard the podcast?