Parents permitting children to choose video games over friends

[victoriapeckham]

I took my 7 yr-old ds around to his friend next door-but-one to see if he was free to play. The boy was engrossed in his Playstation. To my amazement, instead of switching the game off and saying "look why don t you play with your pal for a bit" his father just said, "oh he's playing sorry" and my son had to go home.

Then, at a xmas party with probably equal numbers of kids and adults, one boy around 6 (an only child) spent the whole time playing with his game boy. A little girl sat next to him, trying to see if he would play with her. But the father just said "oh isn t it sweet she s just enjoying watching him play his game." Meanwhile I was having a long chat with his mother about how she d moved him to a different school so he could make more friends.

I can't understand why parents don't take these things away and say, hey look here' s something more interactive than a computer game ? another child! Should i have said anything, particularly in the first situation? Or is this just the way things are?

Vic
These are the kids who will be obese, on the list for coranary heart disease and socially inadequate by their early twenties
Blame the parents and be proud of your kid.

I wouldn't have said anything, but would inwardly seethe. It just seems wrong that it is so socially acceptable for children to spend long periods of time engrossed in computer games...

I have vowed never to buy Gameboy/Playstation/Xbox. It seems to turn kids into anti-social obsessives. And i just know my younger child would never lift a book in his life if he got one.

Where do you stop, most of dd and ds friends have gameboys, tv's and computers IN THEIR OWN BEDROOMS. We have a computer downstairs and they have both been told they will never have this sort of stuff in rooms or playstations...Whatever you feel is right for you, but personally I disagree with the its the culture nowadays, sorry, playing with friends has to be one of the top things parents should regularly encourage their children to do, it takes a little effort and screwed up faces but bloomin well worth it (I'd ban them if could!). Hope not offended anyone.

nearlymybetrootday,

sorry to cause any offence, wasn't saying we had to decide when they should play with their friends at all, but as they are still forming friendships we should do all we can and encourage outdoor play, which you are doing and not do what the neighbours son did and ignore friends...no bad feeling

Agree, vicP. We have a PS2 but playtime is strictly limited and ds repeats after me "Playstation is not more important than friends/people/food" So beetroot you will be ok if you have strict rules IMO

I used to contrive excuses not to play with other children when I was a kid, because I'd rather read a good book. Not sure why I was reluctant - probably because I found other children not very interesting / petty / childish (I was old beyond my years at the time - perhaps spent too much time around adults). However I didn't grow up obese & socially inadequate (lol, suzywong!), and I have quite a few friends / and I am pretty extrovert now.

So I dont take such a dim view of this sort of thing as others, since I dont believe it necessarily means a blighted future.

That said - I'll be encouraging my children to play with others (although not pushing them if they don't want to)

If a friend visited my son I would always put that top priority over him playing alone on a computer/ playstation/ gameboy. However, I have seen how my son's friends crowd round to watch the player of said game if the game can't be shared. They all seem quite happy with this - a totaly mystery, but then I am not a 9 year old boy. Soooo... if a friend drops by announced, I would probably let my son finish a vital bit of his game if he wanted to, esepcially if the other child was happy to watch. I make a point of checking with the other children to see what they want to do. They do let me know without standing on politeness!

If after 5 minutes grace the visiting child looked bored, the I'd tell my son to play with something else. In any case I don't like my son and his friends spending hours of their time together playing computer games and doing nothing else, so would always ration it and tell them to put the games away after a while.

In the case of the little girl looking at the 6 year old with his gameboy - I don't know but could she have been interested in the game as well and just wanted a go? In that case I'd have asked my son to explain the game he was playing to her and let her have a turn, bearing in mind the party setting and lots of adults might have imposed limitations on what else the children could do together.

I think IME computer game playing and interacting with other children are not necessarily mutually exclusive things.

Dh recently travlled down south to see his family and his 6yo great-nephew played on a Gameboy the entire time, despite Granny and various other family being there. We rarely get the chance to be together so it was a bit of a disappointment that dh wasn't able to have a chat to his dgn.

We bought dd2 a Gameboy while in Indonesia, because we had so many long boring car trips. But she isn't that interested, it doesn't hold her attention for long - maybe it's a boy/girl difference?

My boys have got into pc/playstayion games over Christmas, as we were given a playstation by a friend who got a playstation 2 for Christmas.
When friends come round it usually goes off, or they all play together, with the older ones showing how to do certain bits.
However,it's not their favourite toy, they spent the whole of Christmas day setting up a Marble run from ELC, we have been nagged to play Junior Monopoly every day,and have spent quite some time in the rain, tramping round the park, so they can ride their new bikes.
I think as long as they are kept in perspective, PC/Playstation games are proberbly alright.
We have been thinking of getting them Gameboys, for when we go away in the Summer, thought it might keep them occupied while travelling, but I wasn't too sure whether they could use them on a flight?? Anyone, know ??

some of these posts have really made me think. DS1 (6) 'needs his space', and struggles a bit with big family get togethers and all the stress of Christmas. In the last 2 weeks he's often gone off to find a quiet corner on his own to read a book, or play with some lego, or draw a picture. I'm not a fan of computer games (don't have any here yet), but I'm sure they have their place.

I'm sorry, but reading books is adding to a child's interest in and knowledge of the world, improving his vocabulary, reading skills etc etc. It cannot in any sense be compared with blowing away villains or simulating car chases, narrow, violent prefabricated worlds invented by cynical nerds who WANT your child to be addicted, to buy the new game, to spend their whole lives glued to screens. There is no comparison between books and computer games, in my opinion.

I can understand when a gameboy or a Playstation is utilised as a normal toy - ie for kids to have fun for limited periods, to break a boring journey. But i keep seeing parents condoning their children choosing games over friends. This seems a wicked example to set.

With the boy at the party, i had to bite my tongue from saying "So do you let him play that all the time?" just to see what they said.

dinosaur, that's funny, I did that too! (Under the table sometimes ) Am not the most sociable person now either...

I'm ambivalent about the computer games - we've never had gameboys and I've never bought a Playstation - ds1 bought his own out of birthday money. Both my boys would rather play out than in if someone came round I think - depending on what they'd been doing before - but indoors (eg after school in the winter) there sometimes isn't anything child+visitor both want to play at and computer games/videos are a good thing-to-do-together. And watching someone else play is like watching a video quite often - they don't necessarily want to have a go themselves.

I am convinced that my son's gameboy encouraged him to play independently and quietly for periods longer than 30 minutes. He got one aged 5.5. He didn't get obesssed with it and when he played on it, it was a honestly a joy for me to see him happily concentrate on a toy for that long. Previous to that he had never been into playing with toys alone - action men, little cars, brio you name it, nothing would hold his attention unless other people played with him. He was and still is a sociable boy, and as a pre-schooler loved playing with adults and children but got very bored playing alone.

I also think (speaking about my son) that the following of game instructions was a good mind exercise, and getting his head around the characters in a pokemon game, for instance, stimulated his reading ability.

I do think that from time to time he does get an unhealthy obsession with the gameboy, or x box but it goes in cycles. He is always obsessed about something. Right this week, it's a particular racing game on the x box - and he wants to invite his friends round to play it with him. Last week, he was obsessed with drawing manga characters ( he had some drawing books for christmas), the week before, he wanted to spend all his time playing with his youg-hio cards (spelling!). His x-box, now his toy-of-the-moment was unplayed with for well over a month.

So I think if you catch my son hunched over a gameboy for instance, yes, he could appear to a stanger to be in the grip of a terrible obsession, but what you don't know (and I do because I'm his mother ) is that this current obsession is all of 3 days old and followed last weeks wish to go out on his skateboard all day and will no doube be supplanted by anothor craze next week.

Another thing struck me about this socialiaing issue - I posted on another thread recently about my son making friends with another boy at a party we went to. My son is really eager to see the boy again and they sat next to each other for hours when they met. The boy could have gone away at any time but apparently chose to stay with my son. And guess what they were playing together? my son's gameboy.

I don't think it's anyone else's business if someones child likes their computer games and why should YOU say anything!!?? I would be livid if another parent said anything about that to me. My ds is too young for that anyway and I do agree to an extent that computer games are encouraging laziness. My brothers are addicted, but they still play lots of football and play with their friends.

The comparison to reading books VP was to illustrate your point. You said you were angry that the parents didn't encourage or MAKE the child play with yours so surely it IS relevant in that context. Regardless of what the child was playing with they were allowed to sit there and play rather than get out and get exercise.

Anyway, who's to say the child hadn't just had a row off of his parents and wasn't allowed out, or perhaps didn't feel well. It's a bit presumptious IMHO.

I dunno M2T, it is a bit rude of his parents not to get the boy to at least acknowledge his friend. It's like turning up at someone's house and them leaving the telly on or reading the newspaper, it makes you feel a bit not wanted. I would encourage good manners in my kids, which means making them stop what they are doing and acknowledging someone who has made an effort to see them.

I wouldn't say anything to parents who don't do this, but I would be inclined not to visit next time. It's nothing to do with the computer game, it's just plain old well-manneredness.

In the 19th century " society" was very conecerned about the effect of novels on poples well being.

PLus ca change....

That's true enough Rhuby. It is bad manners not to even acknowledge him.

lol Coddy.