Parents permitting children to choose video games over friends

[victoriapeckham]

I took my 7 yr-old ds around to his friend next door-but-one to see if he was free to play. The boy was engrossed in his Playstation. To my amazement, instead of switching the game off and saying "look why don t you play with your pal for a bit" his father just said, "oh he's playing sorry" and my son had to go home.

Then, at a xmas party with probably equal numbers of kids and adults, one boy around 6 (an only child) spent the whole time playing with his game boy. A little girl sat next to him, trying to see if he would play with her. But the father just said "oh isn t it sweet she s just enjoying watching him play his game." Meanwhile I was having a long chat with his mother about how she d moved him to a different school so he could make more friends.

I can't understand why parents don't take these things away and say, hey look here' s something more interactive than a computer game ? another child! Should i have said anything, particularly in the first situation? Or is this just the way things are?

Jeeeeesus layla! Eventually they enjoy it! How do you know? I dare say there are plenty children here that do as they are told, but I would never make my child be friends with someone. I will trust him to choose his own friends as in real life. You can take obedience a bit far.
Not really relevant to my ds as he only 2.5yrs old. Fair enough there are situations in real life where you are forced to spend time with people you'd rather not, but you don't have to be friends with them or try to have fun with them or like them.

My son has a playstation2 and plays with his friends on it when the weather is bad.He is outside most of the summer and is allowed limited time as he has to earn ps2 time.
I have noticed a trend in people saying kids won't read if they use comps etc. My son reads more than ever as he has learnt to concentrate better.He has suspected adhd and mild dyslexia/dyspraxia and the ps2 is a great incentive for him.He is reading lord of the rings right now and it is more trouble getting him to put down the book than turn off the playstation as he knows if he doesnt turn it off he won't be allowed it the next day.I was a bookworm as a child and so feel I cant stop him from reading as this is something I understand.Surely if we say its good to do things by ourselves sometimes kids feel the same I know I used to

Calm down folks it's not that bad.What it is teaching them as well I hope by playing with this little girl is to see the good and maybe give people a chance even if you don't like them.Surely you must agree this is a good lesson.

Well actually I do socialise with people I don't like-one of dh's friends.Just because I don't like him it doesn't mean that dh should stop seeing him and there must be something nice about him as dh is nice and he likes him.
What about at work you have to get along with people you don't particularly like.
I think in doing this it's a good grounding for adulthood where you have to get along with everyone or at least learn how to???
Folks, have enjoyed this chat and will have to continue the same time tomorrow as have to cook tea now and dh will soon be home.

Yers I suppose that is a good lesson, but what if the wee girl realises that they are only playing with her because they have been made to?

message withdrawn

batters-youre a socially inept only arent you?

DS2 plays computer games all the time, to the exclusion of other activities, BUT, when next doors kids hammer on the door he will drop everything & go out with them.

Sometimes I get sick of them coming round every time I've got some time at home, & will tell my boys they can't go out. I agree with some of the others that it may be the father didn't want anyone round (or his son to go out) & was using it as an excuse. Or it could have been the first chance the boy had got to play with a game that had to be back at Blockbusters in a couple of hours... You don't know.

You can't force a child to play with someone.

I have vivid memories of my poor sister being made to play with the horrible little girl who lived opposite, because she'd turn up and demand to be played with. My parents for some reason thought it would be rude to tell her no, my sister didn't want to play, even though my sister hated playing with her and my parents didn't much care for her either. I've thought for some time that I hope I don't inflict similar situations on my daughters!

I tried to put this question across in my last message but not very well. Victoria, why do you think playing computer/gamboy/xbox games is an activity that only one child can enjoy at a time? Do you think it is a totally anti social and isolating activity? or am I misreading you??

It's just I've seen my my son and his friends play together with all the above, sharing, taking turns, talking about the rules of the games or just sitting together in companiable silence. At the party we went to, my son shared his gameboy with another boy, admittedly he probably took more turns than him, but whatever, the other boy could have gone off and played with other children or adults but chose to stay with my son. When I checked up on them as I did regularly, they were engrossed not only in the gameboy - and but also in conversation.

Same here tigermoth. My ds doesn't have a PS and only just got a Gameboy (he's 9) but he whenever he plays computer games with his friends there's always loads of interaction going on, giggling, giving other advice and so on. I was really surprised, but it clearly can be a really sociable activity.

M2T I hadn't thought of that but the answer is she does know as they have actually said to her 'I don't like you,go away'-which they got told off for.She just comes back for more,she's a very thick skinned little girl.

Tigermoth,I agree.When my son's friend comes round they will sometimes play together on the playstation.Of course we limit how long and make sure it isn't every time.