Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

Parents permitting children to choose video games over friends

90 replies

victoriapeckham · 04/01/2004 22:26

I took my 7 yr-old ds around to his friend next door-but-one to see if he was free to play. The boy was engrossed in his Playstation. To my amazement, instead of switching the game off and saying "look why don t you play with your pal for a bit" his father just said, "oh he's playing sorry" and my son had to go home.

Then, at a xmas party with probably equal numbers of kids and adults, one boy around 6 (an only child) spent the whole time playing with his game boy. A little girl sat next to him, trying to see if he would play with her. But the father just said "oh isn t it sweet she s just enjoying watching him play his game." Meanwhile I was having a long chat with his mother about how she d moved him to a different school so he could make more friends.

I can't understand why parents don't take these things away and say, hey look here' s something more interactive than a computer game ? another child! Should i have said anything, particularly in the first situation? Or is this just the way things are?

OP posts:
Original poster
victoriapeckham · 06/01/2004 12:38

So having a perfect mess free house and an"organised life" is more important than having children visit unannounced, StressyHead? Is there perhaps a connection with this attitude and your son living solitary bedroom-bound techno-existence?

OK, let s assume that you re right and my son was outrageously rude to turn up announced two doors down on a saturday afternoon "expecting" another child to pause his playstation for a moment and play with him. Instead. I really must get a PC, TV and Xbox, put them in my son s bedroom and knock these unfortunate social urges out of him. He can create a family of virtual friends! And great I ll have less mess to clear up as well!

OK, guys, what about the 6-yr-old glued to his gameboy all thru a party. Is that OK too?

OP posts:
StressyHead · 06/01/2004 12:56

message withdrawn

Batters · 06/01/2004 13:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

pie · 06/01/2004 13:33

If you son has social urges then by all means arrange a play date for him. If someone didn't play with DD1, that is ignored her, and we had ARRANGED for the children to meet and play, and then their parent didn't try to encourage play I would be disappointed. But I could never assume that anyone wanted to play with my child even if the play time had been pre-arranged. Why should children like each other, or prefers company with over solitary play just because we as parents have put them together? What would you have parent do...force a child to play??

I think that as parents if we have children who want to play with other children the onus is on US to find similar children, not expect other children or parents for that matter to change their mode of 'play'. And I don't think this has anything to do with computers or electronic games, some children prefer their own company or being alone. I mean don't some adults?

For the record VP have your DS and the neighbour kid played together before? Would your son consider him a friend and vice versa?

Original poster
victoriapeckham · 06/01/2004 13:38

Batters: I was the one accused of being rude for allowing my son to pitch up unnannounced! I was defending my values against those who attacked them. Sorry, I'm new to mumsnet,:are you in charge of policing the site?

OP posts:
pie · 06/01/2004 13:38

Oh and as for the gameboy party senario...I would think it wasn't a very good party

StressyHead · 06/01/2004 13:42

message withdrawn

M2T · 06/01/2004 13:45

VP - You have a very agressive attitude towards others opinions which you clearly asked for!

Maybe there were other reasons behind this boys Father telling you he was busy. I'm not going into those reasons, but it's a possibility is it not?

As for the Game boy at a party.... so what! The point is you don't know WHY the child preferred that to playing. He may not have felt very well, he may have been in a huff..... or just been told off. You can't really judge that situation properly.

It is reducing to a bit of a bitching sesh here.... perhaps it's fair to say that you give as good as you get VP. I have been there and I can assure you it NEVER pays to get agressive and personal. I learned the hard way!

Original poster
victoriapeckham · 06/01/2004 13:48

Pie: yes, they are pretty good friends, have had countless sleepovers together, play constantly in either garden in summer. But they hadn t seen each other for some weeks (they go to different schools) and my son was dying to see him. If other boy had had a headache/ homework/was cooking/doing something with his dad/had another friend round i wouldn t have thought anything of it. And i wasn t trying to unload my son on another parent: they could ? as I suggested ? have both come round to our house and made a mess there. I just thought it sad really how atomised we've let our children become.

OP posts:
aloha · 06/01/2004 13:50

I have to say, if my stepdaughter didn't want to play with another child, we always respected that and didn't push her into it. She's extremely sociable and well adjusted IMO. I don't think it is at all a good idea to insist that someone else's child plays with your child, even if it is disappointing for your child. I do think at seven children should be allowed to decide these things for themselves. As I said earlier, I think a prearranged playdate betweeen friends is different. It's the same difference IMO between someone popping round when I am busy working or doing something important to me, or coming round at my invitation or even when I'm not busy. I don't think StressyHead's son sounds at all miserable, just maybe a bit quiet, and there's nothing wrong with that IMO.

aloha · 06/01/2004 13:53

Sometimes my stepdaughter just really, really wanted to be with her dad, one on one, or to veg about at home very quietly after a busy week at school. She might have been watching a video, reading Harry Potter or playing a game on the computer (rather less likely) but it's still important down time for her - that's all.

FairyMum · 06/01/2004 13:53

I have to agree with your first post VP. I would have found it strange too being turned away like that.

Enid · 06/01/2004 13:55

Sometimes I choose mumsnet over not only my friends but also my kids - do I have a problem? (errr, don't answer that)

Festivefly · 06/01/2004 13:57

I think it is an extremely important life skill to teach your children to be happy alone. It has a huge effect on how they will handle independence. I don't think at all vp that you should have slagged off stressyhead for having a son who is content in his own company. I personally am very sociable but can't stand it when people turn up unanounced, i need to know when my time is my own. Can't children be the same? I understand your thoughts on the computer generation i don't think it it right, but you have totally jumped to conclusions about the children involved, how do you know thats all they do. If you called into my house this minute my son is watching a movie, he hasn't been all morning or all week. I give him a balance, this is his quiet time, so he's not an over excited lunatic by the end of the day

StressyHead · 06/01/2004 13:59

message withdrawn

M2T · 06/01/2004 13:59

lol Enid!
I have blanked the doorbell before whilst Mumsnet surfing! >gulp<

Nicely put FF.

suedonim · 06/01/2004 14:08

I think VP is referring to my 6yo g-nephew. For the record, it wasn't a party, just a family gathering of seven folk and he wasn't ill or anything.

Without getting embroiled in the general debate, if the situation was reversed and people had made the effort of booking flights, cars and hotels to come and see my family, I'd make sure my children had a little chat with their visitors. At 6yo G-n is old enough to at least say hello instead of ignoring everyone including his elderly gran.

StressyHead · 06/01/2004 14:13

message withdrawn

charlize · 06/01/2004 14:37

Got to agree with you there stressymum. Your ds sounds a sweetheart, What a lovely little boy.

layla · 06/01/2004 14:59

Victoriapeckham I'm going to agree with you on this one.It's such a shame the father didn't turn off the playstation.
Children need to learn they have to be sociable and that sometimes means being sociable when you don't want to be.They may enjoy it after a while anyway.As adults we've all been to boring parties and had to talk to old aunts,it's not a bad lesson for a child to learn.It 's also not a bad lesson for kids to sometimes be bored at parties either.They must know that life is like that sometimes.
If I was the father I would have made my child come off the playstation to play with the visiting child whether they wanted to or not.

StressyHead · 06/01/2004 15:03

message withdrawn

M2T · 06/01/2004 15:06

Layla - How exactly do you MAKE a child play with another one? Surely the minute your back was turned they would just ignore them??

Isn't it the truth that we CHOOSE our friends? what if they can't stand the sight of each other?? Maybe one child bullies the other? Its one thing to make them practice good manners by acknowledging the other child, it's another to force them to be friends.

Batters · 06/01/2004 15:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

layla · 06/01/2004 15:17

Around our way we have a child coming round that both my two cannot stand and i can see why as she has been in my house touching everything even when I told her not to blah blah.Anyway she doesn't get the message and keeps coming round.I don't always say to them go out and play with her but sometimes I do cos I feel a bit sorry for her.So off they go with much noise about it and they do have fun.Basically my children do as they are told.They are not robots but if i tell them to turn the tv off and play with so and so they moan about it like any kid would but they do it as I wish it.And yes eventually they enjoy it.

StressyHead · 06/01/2004 15:19

message withdrawn