Parents permitting children to choose video games over friends

[victoriapeckham]

I took my 7 yr-old ds around to his friend next door-but-one to see if he was free to play. The boy was engrossed in his Playstation. To my amazement, instead of switching the game off and saying "look why don t you play with your pal for a bit" his father just said, "oh he's playing sorry" and my son had to go home.

Then, at a xmas party with probably equal numbers of kids and adults, one boy around 6 (an only child) spent the whole time playing with his game boy. A little girl sat next to him, trying to see if he would play with her. But the father just said "oh isn t it sweet she s just enjoying watching him play his game." Meanwhile I was having a long chat with his mother about how she d moved him to a different school so he could make more friends.

I can't understand why parents don't take these things away and say, hey look here' s something more interactive than a computer game ? another child! Should i have said anything, particularly in the first situation? Or is this just the way things are?

When I was a kid my parents used to drag me off to parties... I'd find a book and go read in a quiet corner. My parents always came and hollered at me to stop being "anti-social". Nowadays, with no end of amusement I observe DH's family, absolutely insular, and who see no point in socialising within anybody outside of family members -- and even then, not very often. They don't see that as abnormal, they see that as personal preference. I know you're arguing over subtleties of manners, but all I can think is how nice it would have been to have parents who just accepted me for being an introverted child as I was. Sorry, I side with the video-game players.

My ds aged 11 loves his games consoles, he has xbox playstation 2 and a game cube, however he also loves playing sports and is far from obese, he doesn't like reading but is more scientic minded and is top of his class so no worries there.
I honestly can't see the harm in it. If ds was playing on his console and a friend called , said friend would probably join him on 2 player, eventually they would get fed up and play in the garden or go the swimming baths, but the point is I let my son choose how long and when to play, he is a hard working boy and he deserves time to unwind how he chooses.
Its hardly a crime and actually my ds tutor told me its v good forthe left lobe of the brain and is far better than passively watching the tv.
My son when aged 6 would also spend long periods at times playing his gameboy , sometimes even in company but he wouyld often spend weeks not playing it.
I too would not be pleased if another parent commented on my sons playing a games console.
Why should we take these computer games away from our children they are FUN and can be educational also.
There are several boys in my sons class not allowed gameboys and to be honest I feel a bit sorry for them when they come round here.

My ds also lOVES playing chess and is county champion for the under 11's.
But he has been known to play for HOURS on his x box.
If I made him switch off and forced him to read a book what would this be achieving except making a high acheiving hard working 11 yr old v unhappy.
He puts the hrs in for his schoolwork, his chess , he plays cello at grade 2 attends a maths workshop has loads of friends, plays rugby football is in the cross country team.
So what if he spends a whole day playing his X box or even a whole day flopped in front of the tv, what the hell is wrong with that VP.
How do you know that the boy you are talking about does not do all these things also.

Dinosaur Vp was also talking about how a book is far better for a child i was simply responding to that I have also mentioned my ds has lots of friends and explained his social life therefore playing games does npt interfere with friends time

Iam not the only one to mention books you know.
So why confused?

My kids don't have a play station or gameboys or TVs or videos in their rooms. They get to play game on the computer, but that is organised by me or dp. If fiends come round I will sometimes put on a game on the computer, but on the understanding that they all play with it and take turns. That said my two are only 7 and 4, so I can see that things might change with time.

Don't they say there is no such thing as a slip of the tongue??

um,vpeckham,would like to ask why you think it was relevant to add that the boy is an only child?i get SO sick of people making comments like that.MY POOR SAD FRIENDLESS LITTLE ONLY CHILD is actually one of the most sociable,reasonable,friendly five year olds around,a fact my friends would agree on(dont panic,he has got too many faults to list!!)he has access to a computer etc but actually its just not his thing,couldnt care less if it was tho.Dont make ridiculous assumptions.sorry off topic i know.

I think Rhubarb is spot on. The point is we are teaching our children manners and how to behave with other people. I think the boy who preferred a Playstation to a playmate was plain rude. His father could easily have said "let s press pause while you talk to yr friend for an hour". If a friend called and I was watching TV, I d switch it off to speak to her, even if she was unannounced.

LIkewise the boy at the party ? whose parents were worried he s not making friends! ? sat in his computer bubble the whole time, doing something utterly meaningless which could be done in the car on the way home. Just think how rude an adult at a party, constantly texting or calling a friend would look. Or is that OK now too?

Yoko: I am an only child. Many great things about only children, i agree. But they find social interaction less easy, cos they get less of it. They don t have the day in, day out presence of siblings. So should be encouraged to play with other kids and i m not sure letting a 6-yr-old sit for hours at a party full of children alone with a Gameboy is really going to help.

maybe not vp but it is rather jugdemental of you imo. His parents take a different stance to you. It doesnt make either of you right.
I personally wouln't force my son to turn off his games console if a friend turned up unannounced, he could be at a crucial point in the game yer know
But saying that my ds would probably ask his friend to come in and join in rather than sending him away.
With your child only being 7 perhaps it was this boys father who thought it was an inconvient time. Otherwise I really can't see why they wouln't have asked your child to come in and lplay on the game with their son.
My ds would rather play on his x box with a friend than alone.

VP, I can see you are not a computer games fan. fair enough. But would you be happy for your own ds to play with other children on their games if other children asked them? You don't seem to think that computer games can be enjoyed by more than one child at a time. I have to disagree with you on this.

I do agree with you to some extent on the manners issue. If an adult friend of mine, plus child dropped by unannounced, I would expect my son to stop what he was doing, and acknowledge the guest, even if this meant simply pausing his computer game for 10 minutes, then getting the guest to play with him for a while (as long as the guest wanted to).

But I wouldn't expect my son to drop everything for good if one if his friends minus adult popped round unannounced. We do get children knocking on the door at random times, now my son's crowd are at playing out. Sometimes it's convenient for them to come in, sometimes it isn't. Depends on the circumstances. My son might have had a very busy, sociable day and need some chill out time. I'd be happy for him to say sorry, he didn't want to play with his friend at the moment, and arrange another time to see them.

Also, going back to the example you quote, the father saying 'oh my son is playing on his playstation'. Well that might have been an excuse! Perhaps it was the father did not want unannounced guests in the house right then. Your visit caught him on the hop and this was the best excuse he could come up with.

I tend to agree with Zebra. I think as an adult you can choose your social life and who to 'play' with and I think we have to offer our children a similar courtesy. If the child has invited friends round then yes, they should behave well towards them, but if not, then surely they should have some say?

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Personally I think it is rude to just turn up at someones house and expect them to play or entertain you in the first place.

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