Anyone ever feel sad and lonely in their own home?

[lisalisa]

Apologies for the morbid post but I am feeling very blue at the moment.

I think its a combination of a few things - feeling alienated from my kids ( older ones at the moment) and worn down by caring for my lively gorgeous toddler and the general drudgery of the 3 meals a day routine and trying to keep the house reasonably tidy. Dh busy a lot so can't help very much .

I also feel as if I have no friends - recently returned from a holiday abroad and seems no-one knew or cared that I had gone or was back. I know people like me but I crave some close female relationships - friends to go out to lunch with and laugh and share good times as well as sad with . All my circle of acquaintances either work or are too busy generally to nurture this type of close active friendship.

I also miss my father terribly. He died in June last year of cancer and I nursed him through the last few months. I don't think I really grieved properly as my toddler was a young baby and the rest of the household needed me so although I cried a bit and thought about dad I tried to put the lid on things and never really indulged my very intense sense of grief.

Last thing is I am due to have a small op in a week's time - nothing to worry about but just adds to misery.

I feel down and lonely and fed up . Fantasised today about leaving note for hubby and kids that I am leaving with toddler as too fed up and lonely and depressed to stay.

To the outside world I appear a succesful juggler of career and motherhood with the usual busy routine and gaggle of happy kids.

Anyone else feel like this or can empathise?

Sorry to hear you are having such a hard time lisa I feel like you quite a lot, been wondering lately if I may be depressed. I have a 13 year old dd who is the biggest pain in the butt and I'm feeling I can't take another 4 years or whatever of her frustrating behaviour and also have a ds who will be 3 next month. He is crazy and so so tiring. I have friends that I could go out with but hardly ever do anymore as so tired and skint and if I do I pay for it big time. I work 3 days a week which I suppose is a break from home but my job is really full-on and demanding so I jump from one stressful situation to the next. My husband works long hours and many w'ends and as I only do 3 days he doesn't do that much in the house which I suppose is only fair but I just get exhausted with the constant stream of housework.

I daily find it a struggle to get up and face the day, it's probably better on the days I work as have to be up and out the house before 8am, whereas on days I'm not I faff about and then get down that we're still in our jammies at 10am.
I know all the things I should do to motivate myself, I'm triple trained nurse and it's my job to advise other parents but I just wallow in feeling sorry for myself. I fantasise about running away but then think 'where, really do I go?'
I have single friends without children and they feel that I have it all, nice husband, children, home and I don't know why I always feel so sad.
We are really skint at the moment due to mortgage and childcare and think that zaps my motivation.
My dh desperately wants 1 more child but I'm worried we get a ds similar to our crazy one and it tips me over the edge.
Not really much advice but massively sympathise with you.
Hope you manage to find some peace and ways to deal with your grief