Just wondered: Is a paedophile the same as a sex offender? Are the classed as the same and do they all go on the same list?
Drifting slightly off the subject for a bit, here's a conundrum:
I really want my sons to have some 'good' caring men. Role models of their own sex. Their father is lovely, but why should he be the only caring male in their lives? Little girls, IMO, have a greater chance to befriend 'good' women - their mother's friends, classroom assistants, dinner ladies etc. Even my son's Beaver troup is run by women.
Now, there are two men who have shown an interest in my son. One is a neighbour. He is a single, and very personable thirty-something with a good job and a car that is his pride and joy. In the summer he is often to be seen in the street talking with the children who play out. He may spend an hour or so with them. Sometimes he takes them for a quick drive in his car. Our area is quiet and child-friendly,and this man in well known and considered harmless by the other adults.
Within bounds, I am happy for my 7 year old to play out sometimes. Yet I cannot help the hairs on my neck standing on end when I see this man. I have told my son to never, ever accept a lift from him, go anywhere alone with him and shout loudly if he ever does or says something my son doesn't like. My son is rather perplexed by all this, despite being quite aware of the danger of kidnapping and the Sarah Payne case. Usually I make my son come inside when this man is around, even if he is surrounded by a large group of children and teenagers.
The second man is a family man, very caring and respectable. His daughter knows my son very well - she used to babysit for us, often taking him to her home. The family have been very good to us over the years - we lack an extended family of our own. A couple of years ago, I happened to pay the family a visit with my son on tow. During my visit the father began to roll around on the floor with my son - typical fatherly horseplay. It was the father, not my son who initiated this, and he told me they did this a lot. I knew that sometimes he had looked after my son alone in the house. I have to admit I felt really uneasy, yet at the same time hated myself to feeling like this. I have no qualms about leaving my son with his father, or him having male teachers. We happen to have other babysitters now, so my son does not visit the house. I suspect I would have curtailed the visits anyway.
I feel that I am cutting my son off from some men, just because of their sex and my fear about paedophiles. I am sending out negative vibes about men who are child-orientated, caring and almost definitely innocent. If these two men were women, I would not be half as concerned. I am very happy for my son to talk to female neighbours and I have no objection to other females cuddling him.