Would I be a terrible woman if i advise my DD's to act in a way so they are less likely to be assaulted.

[Rubytuesdayy]

With respect to lit streets, chaste clothes, state of drunkenness etc etc? Or would I be victim blaming prior to teh event. I KNOW that rape is the fault of the rapists, but I just want my DD's to be safe.

I'm pointing out that it isn't necessarily an answer. Walk home in a group still means one person walking home on their own. And like I said- often people aren't in a position to walk home with someone else if walkinghome from work at night.
I may well be biased though as the only time I've ever had aggro from people is as part of a group walking through town. When I'm on my own I've never had any hassle.

Same as others have said.
We should teach our children, male or female, how to be safe when going out at night.
I believe, statistically, young men are at greater risk of being mugged/attacked than young women though obviously women are at greater risk of rape.
Though I do think a young woman should be free to wear what she wants, if there's a rapist out there I really don't believe how a girl is dressed makes any difference at all.

Oh, and the time I felt the most uncomfortable was when one of the pub regulars insisted on walking me home. I felt really uncomfortable around him generally and didn't want him knowing where i lived. Luckily when we got back to mine one of my housemates was up and about.

An answer to what? I've said that calling/texting someone when you get home won't prevent an attack but being in a group might . I'm not suggesting it as the be all and end all solution.

Also, as I said in my previous post, it doesn't always mean someone is the last person home.

when I travel home in a group, a couple is always the last drop off even if that means the taxi has to double back on itself, so noone has to be left alone in the cab. One cab driver got very angry at us about this agressively saying how "she would have been fine by me, d'ya think my job is worth a go on her" which just confirmed to us that we had done exactly the right thing!

Texting when you get home is utterly pointless!

Makes no difference what you say, if someone out looking for a victim don't matter how drunk or not they are, how well lit the street is etc etc.

Link?

OP. In answer to your original question: No I don't think you're a terrible woman for wanting to do whatever you think will keep your daughters safe. But, I do think that this sort of advice that is constantly doled out to women and girls by everyone - from police, schools and parents to Eamonn fucking Holmes - does contribute to a victim blaming culture.

You simply cannot say the words 'walking home alone drunk makes you vulnerable to a rapist' without it following that women who are then raped are going to feel, somehow, partially responsible for it. The 'well what sort of girl is out on her own at 2am' is so deep-rooted in societal beliefs now that it isn't often even recognised as the victim-blaming statement it is.

I do wonder what people think these (hopefully few) predatory rapists do when they don't come across a lone drunk female victim on her way home? Do they just go 'aw shucks, no suitable victim around - may as well give up and go home' ? No. more likely he will find some other way to rape. Because rape is a pre-meditated, conscious act by a predatory male.

'We all agree the rapist is the only one to blame' trips off the tongue on these threads so easily - yet the undertone of every 'don't walk home alone' piece of advice is an insidious piece of victim-blaming.

Is every bit of advice we give our children victim blaming then?

What about telling them to look both ways when they cross the road or not to talk to strangers? Why don't we worry about them blaming themselves if they get hit by a car or someone tries to abduct them?

I think the worst thing about people peddling this shite again and again is that if you've actually been raped you know it's all bollocks. It's magical thinking that if you wear a long skirt and stick to two pints you'll never get raped. It's magical thinking that if you never walk home on your own you'll never get raped.

There is no magical formula that one can follow to ensure you never get raped. If you've never been raped it's not because you don't wear high heels ffs it's because you have had the good fortune to never end up with a rapist in a situation where he feels entitled to have sex with you.

You'd be better teaching your daughters about self respect and boundaries and that sex is supposed to be fun not endured and not that wearing jeans and a jumper makes you safer from rape.

I don't think anyone has said that these things mean you will never get raped. I think everyone has acknowledged that the majority of rapes are carried out by people you know.

So why still peddle the same old victim blaming crap?

Well bumbley what's the point of endlessly debating it then?

It's like teaching everyone how to survive a plane crash and never mentioning what to do in a car crash even though one is statistically far, far more likely to happen than the other. Why focus on the plane when the car is the real danger?

Because the plane crash info would be relevant in that particular situation

Bumbley will never ever admit that her posts come across as victim blaming. But they are. It's pointless arguing with her.

I refer you to my post of 18:17 . I notice that none of you have replied to that.

Nope,id teach them to be strong and assertive and to take their own personal safety very seriously.
Personally I think you should tell girls not to hold back if they are in danger. We are bought up to be nice and polite and not make a fuss but I have told mine to make all the fuss they want to and if the person is innocent then they will understand.
This is from me who was assaulted in Turkey aged 41 whilst I stood there in shock being "too polite to shout" I was horrified afterwards as Im a really gobby strong woman. (I did go back to confront him later though)

Running I haven't said anything different to many other posters on this thread. Any particular reason why you've decided to single me out? Is there a particular post of mine that you object to?

In what situation? I don't understand.

''Is every bit of advice we give our children victim blaming then?

What about telling them to look both ways when they cross the road or not to talk to strangers? Why don't we worry about them blaming themselves if they get hit by a car or someone tries to abduct them?''

Thats not the same is it?

Actually, do you know I don't teach my children not talk to strangers. If one of them got lost and they wouldn't talk to strangers to tell them our name or phone no. that'd be a fine pickle wouldn't it. I'd rather teach them to find a police officer or go into a shop and get help or whatever - i.e approach a responsible adult.

Bumbley. You responded to my post - that's why I, erm, singled you out.

HTH