Do you ever feel like you are living a compromise??

[Beetrootfultoyourself]

Just wondererd?
Feeling a bit shite.

gosh - surprsied its you - you usually post positive strong advice to people - especially your friend gf

always felt Id like someone like you fighting my corner

no I dont feel Im living a compromise - more of a nightmare at the moment

why are you feeling shite?

A compromise between what and what?

I do feel I'm living a compromise, as I've stopped working, to take care of kids, and become a domesticated person.

Sorry to hear you're feeling shite. Is your DH away now?

All the time. Why?

Yes all the time. I moved to Spain and it isnt really what I thought it would be but dh and dd are very happy. To move would upset dd she is really settled at school. I often think why are we here and the shallow answer is because of the weather when I thought it would be so much more.What are you feeling sh*e about?

in what way Beetroot?

Yes but tbh I think thats the nature of being a parent and, probably, especially a mother.

aghhh, I know I have it great in many ways so feel guilty posting really.

Just work.

Dh work pays far far more than mine, and so now I know I am going tohave to change careers. Love my job, but it is intermitant, and always away. So hard to justyfy.

Dh is away now, and he LOVES what he does, and mixes with fabulous people, most of who I hve introduced him to and have worked with adn now they are working with him.

I feel like that saddo at home.

But we made the decison tomove out of LOndon, to send our kids to private school (iknow I know) They are happy, there is no way we can move them back to London.

I just feel a bit of a failure.

Eh, I know how you feel.

I used to work in the City, in IT. I started doing City work before DH did, but I knew it was the right place for him.

By the time I had DS1, DH was starting to be a manager (something I always resisted) and making more money than me. Four years down the line, he's doing very well, and I'm stuck at home.

I do miss doing something productive with my time. I do miss writing code. I don't miss the stress, and I can't see how we'd manage with two parents working insane City hours.

And we're about to move DS1 to a (further-away) school that doesn't provide afterschool care, at all. So I probably need to do pickups until he's in secondary school!

yes. I used to have a exciting life and a good well paid job. Now I do sod all.

But I have 2 young children and am hoping that things will improve as they get older.

I live in an area I hate but am trying to learn to like and tolerate as I have to stay here realistically.

I am usually an annoying happy bunny but I think January gets everyone like this.

xxxx

So beetroot do you feel as though your life is a bit more of a compromise than DH's? It does sound a bit that way. And do you resent him for it, or just circumstances?

NQC I work in IT, but it's very low level stuff, bug fixing, coding the odd program but in very old, dated technology. I would love to retrain into something more cutting edge and change jobs but I don't have time to teach myself in my spare time, no work provision, and how would I find a new job where I could work 3 days a week, and be sure of being able to arrive at 8.15 and leave at 4.45 95% of the time and still be in commuting distance of home? I actually started to look for new jobs a few years back but decided I wanted a baby and so it made financial sense to stay put so that I wouldn't miss out on the maternity benefits.

i don't resent him, he is very supportive and has never once said that perhpas I need to earn more money, get a 'proper' job. Ithink I just realise I am not satisfied working in this way anymore...My next job is not until May!!! I love love the work I do but it is few adn far between and I need to compromise and do somethng that earns more money and challenges me a bit.

I have even bored myslef now, sorry this is rambling, but good to get it out of my head.

I think the vast majority of women who have given up careers to become mothers would feel this way. At least you have some income of your own. I depend almost entirely on dh's income when, pre-children, I earned almost as much as he did. Men rarely have to face the sort of compromises that women do, but that's the nature of the beast.

If you can't find something which earns more money, have you thought of doing voluntary work to stretch the little grey cells? Very rewarding (in a non-monetary sense!) and can be quite challenging.

Freckle, I do do voulntary work every week.

It is just the whole copoodle...I knwo I am not alone, jsut feels like it ona grey january morning.

no you're not alone
and it probably is the January thing
no reason not to have a rethink every now and then though
you're not a bloody failure though, fgs don;t even say it because it is not true
this is just an interlude on the marvellous journey that is your life
and don't aplogise for the private ed thing either
nothing to apologise for there

its a tough one this, i was a nanny/student midwife before, so i havent strayed too far from my knowledge base! Its just that i do it for free.

I think what bothers me most about my situation is that my dp gets to go to work and come back and enjoy his daughter whereas its 24/7 for me, no breaks, no freedom a such, if my dp wants to go out for a quick one after work he can (he very rarely does) but he can, i miss being able to get up and go sometimes.

Having said all that its between a rock and a hard place because aside from the odd night of babysitting I actually dont want my dd to be with anyone else!! I want to do it all, i love my dp and we are happy but he never does anything right with dd anyways, (not in a mean way! Just in a general blokey fashion!) if we could trade places i wouldnt.

I dunno...

Then it's just a question of coming to terms with it. You bring as much to your relationship as your dh, just in different currency. He brings in the lion's share of the income, you are bringing up the children.

There are times when I resent the fact that, despite being a very equal partnership, dh does have more control over our finances - simply by virtue of being able to stop giving me housekeeping or refusing to purchase something (not that he does but he could and I couldn't), but overall I think we both acknowledge our differing roles.

Hope the sun starts to shine for you soon.

What voluntary work do you do, by the way? Interesting?

I only wish I could stay at home with my DS, unfortunately due to financial reasons I had to go back to work when DS was 6mths, and now my son spends two days at child care and the rest with my inlaws and I feel the raising of my ds is out of my hamds and that no one will do what I ask. All I want him to have is a nap in the afternoon instead of the morning, so that when we get him home he isn't feral, but conviently they forget or just don't do it and for the second night this week he was so tired he was beside himself.

I have alwasy wanted to stay at home with my kids and I can't and I resent dh because of it.

I work 30hrs a week so it feels like its full time

sorry for how you are feeling niccick, the least people can do is respect your wishes, they surely must know how hard it is leaving him in the in the first place

I have just started part-time nannying again but fortunately i take my dd with me, these are the times that i count my lucky stars that i was a nanny, because i have absolutely no-one to mind my baby for me and we could not afford to pay anyone either.

I chose to give up work and be at home and I love that I have that choice (just never believed my kids should be raised by someone else). They are my number one priority, always.

However, I do feel squashed inside like I have kind of disappeared off the world sometimes. Like does anyone know I'm here??!!! Usually when I'm out I see how many people I can make eye contact with and make smile and then I feel like I'm still alive! Saddo eh. I agree its probably part and parcel of parenthood but I'm hoping as they get a little older.......

I have leg hair growth like its going out of fashion (grows thick and fast), maybe I could photo my legs and post the picture, you'd pysl so much you'd never feel shite again .

Harpsy freckle thanks...

It is a strange one, becasue I know that being aroudnmore for the kids is grteat for them but is not always great for me. That is why working freelance was so good. I coudl work when dh was based more in the office but when he is away I don't work.

Now however, i need to work.

All my kids are at school. I cannot justyfy being at home. I don't want to be a yummy mummy.

Actually, i guess, i have bought alot f this on myslef. I have turned down jobs that are in the school holidays becasue I coudl see no other way of caring for 4 kids. I turn down jobs in the beginning of the year becasue dh is away ec etc.

So, the sun is shining here. I have done half an hour on the treadmill and I am going to fillin those teaching applications...and who knows I might get one of them

Freckle I am a samaritan. yes facinating!!

harpsy you are sweet.

FG, yes I am scared of feeling like that, I can feelit coming. I get in a panic if I cannot get to London to see shows, look at the fashions. I don't want to be swallowed up in domewsticity