Do you ever feel like you are living a compromise??

[Beetrootfultoyourself]

Just wondererd?
Feeling a bit shite.

I'm lucky to have a well paid job but it must be full time and involves some travelling. I've arranged things so that I spend maximum time at work and with my DS's but at the cost of any real time for myself. So maybe I've compromised on myself and I sometimes feel sorry for the carefree person I used to be when I meet friends from Uni who are still in that carefree place. I wouldn't change things but do an odd twinge of self-pity from time to time.

I used to compromise on my relationship - better for my DS's to have their dad around, even if it didn't make me happy. Have changed that situation when I realised he wasn't that bothered about them either so now am happier (if a even busier) and my boys strangely have a better relationship with their dad.

2006 - the year of change for the better in the eefs household.

I know what you mean beetroot - the freelance career that I have always wanted was just taking off when I had ds1. Foolishly I thought that a few days a week in nursery would be enough for me to resume an adult life, no problem, while also being there for my children in a way that my mother, who worked long hours, was not able to be. I had no idea of the pull of family life or the effort required to run a household (sound like Mrs Beeton, yikes) so that everyone is fed, clean, and has clothes to wear. So now I have almost no career and feel a fraud when I even mention what might have been, and I do get jealous of dh and his adult day at work. He had a business trip to Hong Kong recently and called me to tell me about the lights over the harbour, and while I was talking to him, I thought he might as well have been on Mars. I live almost entirely in a radius of about 3 miles at the moment. And yes, I hope to get back to more work when ds2 is a little bigger, and yes there are other reasons beyond children why work has taken a back seat, but there are days when I am overwhelmed with my crapness and astounded at my new lack of confidence. Eeek, sorry, that was a bit long - you have hit a nerve, clearly! Anyway, just sympathising really. [btw, I meant to say I listened to your ds's evensong on R3 that time - it was so lovely, you must blub when you hear them]

I feel like i am compromising every day

Strangely enough, I was going to ask a similar sort of question following on from the India Knight thing on 'In the news'
I work full time, I have friends who do the same, friends who are SAHMs and friends who work part-time, and the sad fact is not one of us is truly content with their lot - we're mostly happy, but only on the basis of coming to terms with the compromise.
Having said that you've got me thinking - my compromises include agreeing to settle down in a different country to my family, moving to a place where I will know no one so that we can be closer to DH's family, and having to suffer the commute that goes with it. And know that I'm thinking about it I feel shite too!! Thanks!
Ho hum - time for another dabble on the Lotto I think!!

Hva ejust read Harpsichord's line "this is just an interlude on the marvellous journey that is your life". Like that a lot - I am going to write it on the fridge.

Beetroot, everyday I compromsise, juggle and ultimately fail to achieve everything I had hoped to achieve for the day. Sometimes n little ways like make the post run, remember to pick up more milk, others in more fundamental ways such as by agreeing to help DD1 with thank you letters, DD2 gets left unsupervised and eats half a tub of playdough. I spend all evening helping Dh with a load of work and surprise, surprise, don?t feel up to my "wifely duties" at 1am when we finish and am a moody cow with the children the next day as so tired.
Juggling, multi tasking, compromising, making progress one minute and then ultimately failing something else - that?s being a mum isn?t it?
At least take comfort from the fact that we are all in it together and we tried..

Unless you live a completely selfish life then you'll always have some sort of compromise. Surely the fact that you can make a compromise means its working.

Have you ever considered setting up something like InterAct? I'd just love ds1 to have access to something like that, but these sorts of things never seem to make it further than the South East. There would be a huge demand down here. I think it would be incredibly rewarding as well.

Oh Beety, if it were a sunny July day and you were frolicking in some meadow with your kids you would feel quite the opposite!

When you say you need to work, do you mean financially or for you IYKWIM?

I do know what you mean though. I have been thinking a bit about becoming a SAHM recently and it's the thought of days like today that put me off. Plus when dd starts school, what the hell would I do all day? The thought of cruising around in a 4x4 going to the gym and getting my nails done fills me with utter horror

As you know my dh wants to move to the country, this is partly what has prompted these thoughts. Before xmas I was spreading myself very thin, work was hectic, too many client dos, not enough time with dd, I was on my knees. DH has been marvellous and really thought about this and taken a lot of stuff away from me so that I am now feeling much more on an even keel. I still feel I don't get enough time with dd but I know if I had too much that would be bad for me too.

I really don't know how you can resolve your situation though. There are private schools in London too, could they not transfer? I know though to pull 4 kids out of their schools and uproot the whole family is not something to be taken lightly....

The teaching thing does sound like a good idea.

here's InterAct by the way

Ds1's school plug into visiting things as well- so someone will come and work with some of the students (in a workshop type way) for a certain period of time. LEA funded and you can pick and choose your work. I think you'd be excellent at something like that. DS1's school is big into drama (even though the majority of students cannot speak!) and put on the most amazing productions.

Wilbur, thanks, yes I do. I am very proud and that is one of the reasons Iknow I have to do a prop[er job. I need to contribute financially to their education. They are really really lucky people to have the opportunity they have (will they ever know this?) and I need to earn some money even if it feels like I have failed in what I thought I would do all my life.iykwim...

oh when I say LEA funded- the people providing the services are often self-employed, or companies, and the LEA buy them in iyswim, they're not LEA employed.

Wilbur, Iknow what you mean, I can almost taste the food when dh is away in the far east....

Is Interact like Stagecoach? I have a number of friends with Stagecoach schools - really good business and fits around family life v well. Have considered it myself but there are already loads down here.

I don't believe there are many people who are not living a compromise. I know I am. Isn't that what you have to do especially when you have children?
Would life be better if you could do exactly what you wanted, whenever you wanted to?
I don't know what i did with all my time before they came along!

Set yourself a goal, whether its something small or even something huge, that's what i do when i feel like i'm being lost. Gives a little sense of being again.

Jimjams, it is very very similar to stuff my mum does. She is a drama therapist. Was the pioneer years ago. She did exactly that. She is now more of a trainer and travels the world ireasl, romania, kazicsthan (sp)

She did go to a school in Devon and work with them for a week once.The biggest problemn is all the red tape and legal stuff that goes with this. She would LOVE to do this and we have often talked about doing it together.

We went to India together and ran a midsummer nights dream workshop for kids with disablities once. It was fantastic.

I think they will know about the opportunity you have given them, beetroot, it will just take a long time. I am only now realising what my parents must have given up in order for me to go through school and uni, including a stint at crammer to get me into my uni of choice (we went on a lot of camping hols, lol), but I loved my degree, it has shaped my life and the people I met there are incredibly valuable to me. I think those things only become clear when you have a family of your own. So they'll thank you when you are a glam granny with a cashmere rug over your knees .

Sometimes yes
I am an emotional person and love to analyse feelings and stuff
DP isn;t but he is pretty perfect in every other way
Thats my compromise, sometimes it is really hard - one emotion I miss is that really deep passion and fire....
I hope beyond hope that it never gets so needed that I look for it elsewhere - I cannot see me ever cheating on dp sexually, but I could see myself getting emotionally involved with someone one day

InterAct is run by Stagecoach Wilbur, which I didn't realise until this week when I signed ds2 up for stagecoach. The best thing about interact is that they are so well organised in terms on providing all the things that are needed when dealing with children with SN (eg they can cope with epilepsy - lots of places can't). Looking at it - it does look as if it the sort of thing that ds1 could access- and usually he can't access anything- even if they are supposedly designed for SN.

I can imagine the red tape would be a nightmare Beety. The thing I love about ds1's school is that they do so much of this added stuff. Circus skills for the older kids, they do interactive exhibitions (with climbing walls!). At the moment they have someone doing music workshops with a few classes (on top of the music therapy that runs all the time). And their productions are just incredible.

This thread title rang so true to me. I have felt like this for quite a while, so much so, that I finally confronted DH about it and we are instigated a fairly major plan of action (involving relocation etc) to rectify the situation.

Oh Beetroot, sorry you are feeling flat. I think we all do sometimes. I'm feeling a bit crap myself today, and I'm normally "Little Miss Upbeat!". Maybe its the weather! The Poles are big believers in low pressure (i.e. windy, wet, stormy) having an effect on people's mood.
I'm mega hacked off with one of my client's at the moment, so I'm trying to sort out some other work. I always feel better when I'm doing stuff, taking positive steps - that sort of thing.
Good luck with the teaching applications.

jimjams, ds1 school sounds amazing. fe and far between I guess.

piffle. my dh is a bit like that.

Beety you have NOT failed at all, you have just chosen to do something else.

I feel like you too, and we are in the process of moving out of london (to get a bigger house, private schools etc etc) and I really worry about it. I have also given up work. I worry that I'll feel like you once I move out of London (at least I've still got London at the moment). Meanwhile, dh is very successful in his (and my old) career.

Is there anyway that you can increase the work you've got? - as you love your job, it seems a pity to have to give that up. Do you have to justify it more in terms of money, or can the fact that you love it be justifcation enough? Maybe if you give up something you love, and compromise on that area of your life too, you might regret it?

countess. yes I need to earn more money. the school fees are horrendous. and Dh is merging his compnay this year so things might change for a while (although long term it will be good)

My job just does not pay huge amounts unless you are famous!!!