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Original poster

I'm not going to flounce ....

118 replies

carla · 10/01/2006 09:02

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OP posts:
fastasleep · 10/01/2006 09:44

This thread is silly! I can't see how it's not just angling for an argument... I haven't even read the other thread as that stuff doesn't interest me in the slightest, but if you go on about having how ever many 100's/1000's of pounds of disposable income you have some of the poorer mums are going to feel a bit deflated... maybe you shouldn't have mentioned the exact amounts of money as then the boasting v fish wiving would never have been an issue...

Pfer · 10/01/2006 09:47

Carla I think what was meant that you said you'll give advice regardless of circumstances, just as everyone who posted on your thread did. It can be taken well or not so well whether the posts be from you or someone else.

TBH I think the main prob was that you were very vague with your responses and an awful lot of people on MN, myself included, have no idea at all how anyone could spend that much a month on 'extras' - things other than the general household bills and that is the amount they get to cover everything. So sorry but a lot of people aren't going to have that much sympathy with you - but it does appear that the real issue has been missed. You are used to having this money and you DH has for some reason just stopped it and that'll take some getting used to won't it? I admit I read most posts on that thread and were amazed at just how personal it was getting, but I think that could've been avoided by your being a little more forthcoming with your answers.

edam · 10/01/2006 09:52

I think people got angry because you were contradicting yourself and not answering questions which were intended to find out more about the problem so people could help you find a solution. And some people were irritated that you appeared to be complaining about having what to most people is a huge amount of money to spend on frivolities - and you didn't come back and explain exactly what the money was for, ie was it just treats or was it actually stuff you and your dds needed.

Obviously the real issue is your relationship with dh but that got clouded by all the confusion about the amount of money and what it was for.

Original poster
carla · 10/01/2006 10:02

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LinkManager · 10/01/2006 10:05

A word about our philosophy
The idea of mumsnet is that by pooling knowledge and experience, parents make the job of parenting easier. Please bear in mind that issues to do with raising children can be very sensitive and that everyone has the right to make their own choices when it comes to bringing up their kids. This is a discussion forum and we ask you to respect other people's right to their opinions, even if you disagree with them. Our policy is to keep intervention to a minimum and let the conversation flow. Having said that we will remove postings that are obscene, racist, or contain personal attacks.

NomDePlume · 10/01/2006 10:07

Carla, we all get the picture now. Good luck with your counselling and I hope things improve for you and your H.

Perhaps if you don't want to hear negative as well as positive opinions/ideas then it might be best not to post on MN about your relationship. It'll save upset on your part and frustration on others.

NotQuiteCockney · 10/01/2006 10:08

carla, you have my sympathy, but frankly, you shouldn't have been surprised by what happened.

Nobody on here ever posts about money issues, with numbers, if they're not skint. If you do, other people get hurt and angry. I'm not saying it's right, I'm just saying it's how things are.

Pfer · 10/01/2006 10:08

Carla good luck on Friday, I know how crappy it can be sometimes. My xH was a real sh*t. We both worked full time yet for some reason all of the money we had was his. Weird huh? Anyway, I hope you make a start towards sorting out whatever problems you have. If you need to chat but don't fancy the roasting you got last time feel free to cat me.

Once again good luck and chin up

Original poster
carla · 10/01/2006 10:11

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stinkweasel · 10/01/2006 10:12

This reply has been deleted

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Original poster
carla · 10/01/2006 10:14

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Pfer · 10/01/2006 10:14

Moderator?

AlmostAnAngel · 10/01/2006 10:21

id like to make a point [please note i havent read the other thread]
in the past 8 years iwe have been very well off then so skint that we were given bags of food by my mum and i was buying 99p nappies ,,to now when we have had to sell our house and pay off debts..whatever you earn MOST not all people live to their means problems with relationships are still there weather you earn £75.a week £750.00 a week ..

lucykate · 10/01/2006 10:23

perhaps the moral of this might be, by all means rant about financial disagreements with a spouse, nothing wrong with that at all, but avoid, if you can, mentioning actual figures.

carla, good luck with your relate meeting

Original poster
carla · 10/01/2006 10:26

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AlmostAnAngel · 10/01/2006 10:30

carla actually weve been to hell and back! as dh still wanted beer [as he had been to work all week !] even through i never had enough for nappies ! we split up when we sold the house then got back togeather and renewed our vows but what i meant was nobody should judge you for what you do or dont earn ..i prob agree you shouldnt of put amounts as people will say omg if i had that i would be happy,,but i know it doesnt take the problems away..best wishes to you and your dp/dh x

MerlinsBeard · 10/01/2006 10:35

right, i started to read the original thread but there were so many replies i gave up half way so sorry if i repeat or miss the point....

I can see how u r worried about youH capping ur spending. u have got used to spending in a certain way and that will be difficuklt to adjust at first. I would like to point out, as porb so many others have. THat there are many ppl(myself included) who actually have less than that amount to live in per month, ands that includes bills/rent/food etc AS WELL as treats.

I can see why ppl got angry and upset and i can see how hard that must have been for u bringing a genuine problem to MN. BUT be reassured that u CAN live from the amount u said AND pay ur bills or whatever else and yes, it will be difficult at first, u get into a pattern of spending that is hard to break but with a little self control u can do it.

I don't know what the underlying probl;em is that you are seeking help from Relate for but i really hope that it helps x

emily05 · 10/01/2006 10:35

carla - I can understand why you are upset and to be honest I think that your thread has put me off ever mentioning personal details about my life on mumsnet! I hope that things improve for you and good luck for Friday.

LinkManager · 10/01/2006 10:46

I don't hate you, Carla, far from it. I wanted to remind everyone to be nice before this turned nasty too. Not a moderator but it is a "proper" secret MN name

Original poster
carla · 10/01/2006 12:37

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AlmostAnAngel · 10/01/2006 12:41

by jove i think shes got it

Bozza · 10/01/2006 12:52

TBH Carla I think it was six of one and half a dozen of the other. Your early posts were very unclear and confused a lot of people (they were thinking that you were spending £1200 on luxuries when actually that also included utilities and food). But then when you explained people continued to not read the explanations, misunderstand etc and kept on posting the same things.

And all that was besides the point because really it was a relationship issue rather than a financial one, I think.

Twiglett · 10/01/2006 12:56

I think the issue might be .. deep breath ..

the problem isn't about the money but you posted as though it was

the problem is about the breakdown in your relationship and the controlling aspect of your DH who feels entitled to unilaterally change how much money you have to spend without first discussing it with you

that demonstrates a lack of respect / love / trust in your relationship

Is that right?

(if it is then I think your post asking for help could be reposted focusing on the actual problem rather than the fiscal side)

jalopy · 10/01/2006 12:57

LinkManager....

hunkermunker · 10/01/2006 12:58

But the explanations themselves were contradictory!

Carla, I really do hope you get things sorted.