Shecutoftheirtails - " But I would be more than a little 
if someone who had suffered one mmc and had gone on to have a successful pregnancy insisted that her loss, her pain was the same as that of someone who had lost a baby at term. Or worse, claimed it was better to have a stillbirth, because at least you got the whole pregnancy."
Are you seriously rating baby loss now?
You are shouting about a right to discuss feelings about infertility while stamping all over feelings about baby loss.
Well I lost my son at somewhere between 20 and 22 weeks of my pregnancy to a late MMC. I gave birth to him two days later and was not allowed to see him because he had been dead inside me for anywhere up to two weeks and his condition had "deteriorated."
Eleven months later I lost my daughter to prematurity at 22+3 weeks, she lived for two hours and died in my arms.
Both experiences were devastating to me in equal measure and I don't feel any better about either loss just because I then went on to have a (bloody traumatic) third pregnancy with two serious scares that required medical intervention and brought home a healthy son. Physically my experiences had differences, but emotionally I was ripped apart BOTH times.
How dare you tell me that I should feel worse about losing my daughter than losing my son, just because his loss is classed as a MMC to the medical world. If I have to describe it I say stillbirth because at least people seem to understand that he didn't just vanish in a puff of smoke, they accept that he was actually born (after a nine hour labour). But in my heart the only way to describe it is as my sons birth because sticking a label on it, MMC or even stillbirth, makes people like you think it's okay to mark his loss down.
There is a special kind of hell in knowing that your baby has died inside you and you didn't even notice they were gone. There is a different kind of hell in knowing the baby you are in the process of giving birth to will die once they are born. How dare you judge either of those and find one to be better than the other? You cannot tell me that losing my son to a late MMC is better than losing my daughter because she died neonatally.
I feel so much guilt because we didn't see or hold our son and tell him that we loved him. I torment myself wondering if he would think it meant we loved his sister more than him or cared more that she had died. I worry that both of those babies will think I replaced them with a living child and so don't care that they are dead now. And I worry that my living son will believe I would rather have one of those babies back and not have had him at all.
Because that's what I have to face every day. The fact that to have just one of my children the other two either had to die or never be conceived at all.
From the very second you know your child has died, that's what you face for the future if you even think of conceiving again, that somehow one of your children will feel that they are less loved and wanted than other.
How dare you tell me that my losses are better than someone else's because I went on to have a healthy child and they may not?
You have no right.
Nobody should be made to feel that they have no right to feel bad about their own situation once in a while. I can understand why the OP started this thread but I cannot understand why so many people have to jump all over it shouting about who should feel better or worse than whom. Who has more 'right' to be upset, whose pain is greater by what degree.
Everyone is entitled to have a bad day where they feel low and ask for support or the chance to have a rant and they shouldn't be expected to add a disclaimer saying "but of course you are feeling much worse than me" to it.
I use a bereavement forum for parents who lost babies to stillbirth and neonatal death and some of them have experienced early miscarriage too. Feelings do run high sometimes and occasionally you do get an argument taking place but mostly people try to stay supportive and remember that every loss is different for every family, there is no worse or better.
Why can we not accept that here, that every case of infertility is different for every woman, man, couple or family, without then having to say "...but theirs is worse than yours" to someone else. For most people it's something that really doesn't need to be said
There's a saying on the bereavement forum that gets said a lot. "Walk a mile in my shoes and then decide." Some people might jump at the chance to change shoes but who knows how they would feel if they did. Because they still would be themselves, not the person whose shoes they were wearing, and we cannot know the depth of feelings that someone else is experiencing no matter how much better or worse we think they are in comparison to ourselves.
OP I'm not pretending to understand infertility. I came onto this thread because currently I have a friend who is suffering secondary infertility and has just had an embryo implanted this week. She is terrified that this attempt will not work. The previous three have all ended in miscarriage. Having another child (first with this partner) has taken over her life for the past eight years and this is her last chance. If this doesn't work I don't know how she will cope. I also have a family member struggling with infertility linked to PCOS who will be visiting this week, the first time she will have seen my son who is now 2 1/2 and I am worried she will find it difficult. I feel at a loss to know how to support them both. I was hoping to find some sort of advice on this thread. I wasn't expecting to find what the thread has become. 