Mumsnet: The Rules - things a good Mother should never do

[northerner]

1. Bottlefeed

2. Smoke outside the school 3. Feed grapes to children in Supermarket

Carry on...

Pretend that the screaming child and father at the airport are nothing to do with you and turn your iPod up louder.

Oh, I'm destined for a bad end, my kids watch far too much CBeebies, Nick Jr etc; tho we have a long list of programmes they don't watch cos 'mummy' hates them...

I'm waiting for eldest son to tell lady next door she's a naughty lady and shouts too much (however true) usually at her poor grandchildren, now they will be traumatised

give them a TV dinner and call it "fancy food"

Message withdrawn

Oh you lot have just really cheered me up! I've just read through all of your suggestions and they are so funny. I'm such a worrier when it comes to what other people think about my parenting and it really doesn't matter. My children are happy that's the most important thing. They won't be children for long so I need to sit back and enjoy them now. Keep coming up with the comments, they're really good. LOL

flirt with your teenage son's friends!

join Mumsnet

DS (4) was playing with his cars and trucks and showed me a Jim Beam truck (free with Jim Beam!!) and said "is this whiskey"? "Yes" I said. "What does it say" he asked. "Jim Beam" I replied. "Oh that's my favourite - I have it every day at school"!!!!!!!

So bad Mummy or bad school? Bad that he drinks Jim Beam every day or bad that he's couldn't read it??????

Have an only child.

slap - eekkk

have a life

Care what anyone thinks about the way they raise their child!

don't bottle feed, don't wean before 6 months,don't go back to work, don't tell other mums children off (because its too much to expect other children to have good manners apparently) - oh my god! As someone who works with abused children, believe me, giving your child squash instead of water, or bottle feeding, or weaning before 6 months doesn't constitute being a bad parent. You really don't want to know about some of the things that do, and congratulate yourselves that YOUR children never will either. What a stupid thread

Hilarious thread - partly for all the witty posts and partly for the sense of humour failures

Give a 9 month old a bottle of cows milk.

LOl

Have to go- ds3 trying to read a book when he should be drinking his savers orange squash (full suagr natch) from his bottle....

Then got to pop to Mac D's as they're having a hot meal for a treat tonight (ran out of sausage rolls), then sending DS1 to spend the child aloowance on lottery tickets and WKD for my tea..

Take your child to nursery and stop on route for Tesco sandwiches (because you are such an appalling mother there's no sandwich stuff in the house) then wrap the sandwiches up in foil and pretend you made them.

I remember my mum dropping the dinner as she was taking it out of the oven onto the dog who was stanidng there. She picked up the various bits from the floor (quickly before dog ate it) and put it back in the dish and we ate it.

Also remember picking ants out of our breakfast cereal on holiday.

My latest is that dd keeps on going to Playgroup without any pants usually wearing a skirt of course. She keeps on telling me she is dressed and with 3 kids to get ready I don't remember to check. At least she is dressed now, in the summer we often went to school in nightie (and no pants).

Apparently at the age of three I taught my sister to poo in the garden which was a corner terrace so had busy roads on two sides and a lane behind! Mum was not impressed I am told

DS's rarely have half the stuff they need, and their school daps are the wrong colour too. Oh well. Could be worse. I could even take them to KFC!

leave small baby in front of telly for company while carrying out urgent business on internet;
return to find said small baby watching 'the shining'.
spend rest of child's infancy saving toy money for future therapy fees.............for baby obviously!!!!!!!!

Agree with lily34. if you don't dose yr kids up with hard drugs you're heading in the right direction- some do.A fact I depressingly discovered in conversation once.
Never move house without telling your child.
Never get them to forage in bins for their dinner.
And never go on holiday and leave them alone with the dog and the drink cabinet- unless they are at least 16.
Never accept unsolicited advice.Especially from your own family.
Never let them dress in the dark whilst standing on the hardshoulder of a motorway eating peanuts without reflective clothing or a warning triangle.
Never buy them any compilation cd advertised on tv in the run up to christmas.They'll be traumatised.

Lily34....lighten up!! This thread is meant in fun.

PMSL at lucyhoneybee's unsolicited advice from family....I get that all the time!

Never clip your child around the back of the head for backmouthing in front of the school gate in full view of the teachers...

Never leave screaming baby in their infant car seat shut in the kitchen in front of the washing machine on a spin cycle to help drown out the noise...

Never make promises that you have no intention of keeping

LOL heartmum! The baby in the car seat goes there to be lulled to sleep by the gentle motion of the washer, not to have the noise drowned out. That's just a happy side effect .

Never let your kids eat sherry trifle without checking the ingredients
Never let them play footie on the A38
Never give your 3 year old Baileys for a birthday drink

0h dear Lucy bee. Rumaging in the kitchen bin for scraps is DS's latest craze

Never post about Santa on a MN thread title