Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Other subjects

Flip

1 2

Original poster

desperatley seeking help

45 replies

soppysocks · 06/08/2003 20:36

can anybody help me. ive had a long distance relationship for a year, never been happier, but he has got a female friend where he lives who he had a relationship with 2 years ago. we went through a bad patch and he went back to her and finished with me. 8 weeks later he came back to me telling me he had made the biggest mistake ever. i took him back. can or will i ever be able to trust him knowing that they are still friends?

OP posts:

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 21:38

i will agree wit you there Sykes. Rhubarb should become and agony aunt hey!! keep your chin up

OP posts:

sykes · 08/08/2003 21:40

Soppysocks, easy for me to say, well not really because I've just split up with h of 13 years, he sounds really flakey. sorry if that sounds harsh but sleeping in his car?? And on holiday to same place? Men seem to have a capacity to lead dual lives which is very strange. A similar siuation happened to a v good friend of mine for years - she's with him now, but worries that he may not be home when she gets there. She's an incredibly bright woman - section editor of a broadsheet - not that that makes you bright, but obviously capable of a lot in her life. She adores him and thinks it's worth it. Women do seem to make bizarre choices/decisions. Unfortunately, I now seem to be such a person and am trying hard to change. Don't mean to hog your thread but just saying it's SO hard to be strong, I seem to have lost it.

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 21:54

Sykes, i think with some of us we try to be strong when we're not. in my case, dont know if your the same, but i put on a smile to hide the pain. and everyone says what a strong person i am, but really on the inside its eating me away. when im on my own , especialy at night, i just sit and cry. wishing i knew what to do next. are you like that? do you try and keep busy so your not thinking about it? i do then all of a sudden a certain song comes on the radio and brings back all the memories. just keep thinking that you can survive on your own and you cant hurt yourself like men hurt you. thats what i do. hope ive been of some help to you.

OP posts:

Loobie · 08/08/2003 21:57

Food for thought.A neighbour of mine met a new man and had a long distance relationship with him,she has two kids,him one,they took turns at travelling up and down to each others homes.After i think about 2-3 months of this she sold her home,gave up her job and moved her kids away to his home,this was at mid May.I so her on Thursday at the supermarket, and having seen her kids the night before who said they were up to visit for the week,went over to chat,she was buying clothes for her and the kids and was back up here permanently,dont know full ins and outs but she had NOTHING,they had to leave with just the clothes on their backs.god i felt so sorry for her,thought she was crazy giving everything up but she did it for love and doesnt deserve to be treated badly for it.

MEN ARE SUCH A*HOLES!!

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:00

Sykes, the guy i dumped for a second chance with this prat, adores me and my kids. i dated him when my youngest was 6 months old, he is now 3. we split up last year and tried again when my BF cheated on me. he was so supportive and understanding and was there fo me in a big way. Now i feel guilty for dumping him. and th othr day he told me that he still loves me, even if i was to put on 10 stone never shave my legs and grow a beard he would still love me!! but i dont feel the same. i thnk i only took him back because i wasnt thinking straight and nevr got over the shock of my loved one cheating on me. any suggestions?

OP posts:

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:08

hi Loobie, awr that is so sad. to give up al she had for him. what a s* hey. the poor thing. i hope she and her kids ar gonna be ok. you will have to keep in touch with her, make sure she dont ge down hey. i refused to give up all i have for any man. But i did do something for the guy ive just dumped. I found out i was pregnant in jan, we talked about it a lot and the pros and cons etc. the distance was not a prob fo me, i knew i would cope (already have 2 kids and my 8 yr old sister lives with me too). but he said as much as he wants it, it wouldnt be fair as he wont see the baby that often. So stupid me had an abortion the day before valentines day to show him that i knew what was best and that i love him. sounds bad that i know but i was so messed up. when i came outta hospital he looked after me , i even got 12 red roses on val day. Soon to findout that the othr woman also got 12 red roses sent to her too.

OP posts:

sykes · 08/08/2003 22:09

No, wish I did. It seems as if neither of the men are right for you. But you must know it's lovely that someone has such great feelings for you. I suppose it doesn't mean you should be with him. But did the person in the south mean you could never develop a relatinship with the other man - ie it sort of poisoned your thoughts? If you completely got rid of the rather selfish other man could you try again or do you think it's just a friendship that you don't want to take anywhere again?

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:17

dont get me wrong i love Rick to pieces but im just not attracted to him like i used to be. he is great to cuddle and is there for me and my kids. hes like my best friend. id love to be attracted to him then things would be so perfect. The guy in the south, well he just wont let go of me. when he found out i was seeing rick he said that made him more determined to 'win' me back. now he got me he dont wanna know. thats why i dumped him. but its like low flying aircraft-- goes straight over his head.

OP posts:

sykes · 08/08/2003 22:18

Soppysocks, he gets worse and worse. Sorry, but you really do deserve more. He can't juggle two women, it would completely destroy you.

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:21

help i dont believe this. He is trying to talk to me through instant messaging. What should i do?

OP posts:

sykes · 08/08/2003 22:22

What's that? I'm not v good at IT things. I think you should ignore him, but doubt I would - crap advice.

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:25

its a box that come onto your screen so you can chat, bit like texting. he is saying that he knows im here and not to ignore him. The IM shows that im online. ive turned my mobile off now so he cant phone that.

OP posts:

Loobie · 08/08/2003 22:26

cant you sign out so that he cant contact you/his messages dont come up.

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:30

he will know ive done that on purpose. ive not replied to him and he said, ive turned off my mobile, wont talk to him on IM so take it that means p off then? then he sent one saying well when you can be bothered yu can maybe give me a call. he put loads of kisses on it. oh what game is he playing now. sorry guys.

OP posts:

sykes · 08/08/2003 22:32

I think, Soppysocks, you need to let go of him. If you can/want to. I doubt he will make ou happy - from what you've posted he doesn't seem like a terribly dependable person. Easy for outsiders to spout the obvious. And I know that I'm acting in a way that if I was an outsider I'd think wasn't for the best - ie in my own relationship. It's so hard to let go. But you can change numbers etc?

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 22:35

i know what your saying. my tummy is turning now, i ignored him totally ad he said ok then you wont talk so goodbye and signed out. just got a bad feeling things are gonna get worse now.

OP posts:

sykes · 08/08/2003 22:45

How worse? You're not happy - because he won't call you? I'm sure that must feel dreadful but what do you want. If you're rational and think really about what life would be with him. Do you think it could be great? Good for your children, you? Forget him for five minutes. Can you imagine living in the south with him? Is he so dependable that you can leave your family/friends? Sorry if I sound harsh but it's such a big thing.

Original poster

soppysocks · 08/08/2003 23:22

i dont know what to think at the moment. he left a voice message on my phone, asking how my DD was , as she was in hospital last week. andthat he just called to see how i was. but he gets te feeling that i dont want him around. then he said well i'll leave it up to you then.????

Had some good news though, on a rather different note. just had e mail telling me that ive won 1st prize in the babyhut comp. ive won a baby hammock!! pity i dont have a baby to put in it!! my youngest is 3!!

OP posts:

Rhubarb · 11/08/2003 15:38

Soppysocks, he knows exactly how to get to you, especially by asking about your daughter. It's as though he needs to be in control over you. IMO he is getting a little bit creepy and stalker-like to you too. The best advice I can give you is to disable your internet messanger for now, and go about changing your mobile phone number. What is the worst that can happen? He doesn't call you? As it stands at the moment, that is the best that can happen! By doing what he is doing, he is preventing you from moving on. He is tugging at your heartstrings in a bid to elicit a response from you, any response. Not because he loves you and wants to hear from you, but because he doesn't like losing, he wants to feel in control. He wants to have the relationship on his terms only, and if there is no compromise, there is no relationship. Even his mother sounds warning about him.

Please, please try not to contact him. The longer he prolonges this, the worse it becomes for you. Try to see him as he really is, hard though that may be. Surround yourself with people who really do love and care about you. Maybe you need sometime to be just by yourself, no relationships for a while. Rediscover who you are and be happy with yourself. This will give you tons more confidence and any new relationship will benefit from it. This guy is a pest and not worthy of all you have to give.

Wishing you loads of strength. x

eidsvold · 17/08/2003 21:19

soppysocks - I am sure you can block senders/msgers on your IM - might be worthwhile doing - and just not use it for a while.

you need him out of your life...

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread