Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Other subjects
Original poster

If you saw a child screaming.....

89 replies

Jimjams · 05/09/2005 15:55

straining, and hitting themself on the head (age 6) and a man dragging them off in another direction would you think they were being abducted?

How about if it was the same scenario with a woman?

OP posts:
Springchicken · 05/09/2005 15:56

TBH It probably wouldn't occur to me at the time, I would probably just think they were having a tantrum. Although, I would probably wonder if the circumstances were different a little while later

Hattie05 · 05/09/2005 15:57

don't think i would assume abduction whether it was a man or a woman. I would judge the situation, watch and decide whether they needed help.

I would be judgemental by the appearance and behaviour of the adult, regardless whether man or woman.

why?

Mud · 05/09/2005 15:57

i think the hititng on head might give away special needs also occasionally the expresion on the child's face. if the child looked totally normal then i think a child screaming and man dragging them away would make me think brat automatically rather than abduction. with a woman even more so

ninah · 05/09/2005 15:58

i'd think tantrum
maybe cos ds is a brat

Mytwopenceworth · 05/09/2005 15:58

I would automatically assume they were autistic. (You haven't seen my dh in the street or something have you Jimjams?! )

kama · 05/09/2005 16:00

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:03

Because ds1 is often somewhat challenging when out and about. He gets quite flitty and you often have to force him (I mean force he's strong can pull me over) to go in a particular direction - so he;s standing pulling and screaming in one direction and you're having to pull in the opposite direction.

DH takes him out for a walk for about an hour between bath and bed (getting dark now) and if he has a "bad" night then worries that someone is going to challenge him. DS1 does look normal.

I've told him not to be silly and unless someone was completely stupid they could see that it wasn't a normal situation (and I'm way past caring about the tut tut brigade). However when we went to the beach with some normal friends we haven't seen for 3 years last week I was moaning that dh had disappeared and was letting ds1 take the mick and they were walking god knows where. Our male friend (having just seen me drag him back) said "yeah but its hard for him being a man isn't it because everyone will think he;'s trying to abduct him, it's ok if you're a woman". DH hadn't talked to him about it- it was his own independent conclusion, so got me wondering.

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:04

well yes MTPW - I would automatically assume the same, but hey ho so many people don't seem to see that, or even notice that ds1 can't speak Don't need to see them screaming to spot autism

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:05

I've told dh to a) put ds1 on his harness and b) wave a PECS book around but he won't do either. And then comes back moaning about people thinking he's abducting ds1.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 05/09/2005 16:05

I can see where he's coming from. I think MN has taught me enough about SN that I would now consider that as a likely explanation but this may not be the case for everyone.

dinosaur · 05/09/2005 16:08

Jimjams could he get some of those "This young person has autism" cards from the NAS?

handlemecarefully · 05/09/2005 16:08

I don't know tbh - it might cross my mind. I would probably try to surreptitiously watch for clues.

Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:08

If you didn't have mnet would a PECS book and large child on a harness make it more obvious SD - or would the harness look even worse??

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:10

No chance to hand anything out when ds1 kicks off really dino- especially as he won't use the harness - both hands are needed to a) hold him and b) stop him headbutting the ground/walls. He did use the harness on holiday a couple of times (or maybe he just took it with him?? can't remember).

OP posts:
Mytwopenceworth · 05/09/2005 16:10

I think that, sadly, he may actually have a point. There has been a lot of publicity in recent years about child abduction and so it may very well be something that could come to someones mind when they see a child being dragged down the street, screaming (or worse, being bundled into a car - we have to do this all the time and fully expect to get a police chase one day!!). And, it is also true that most abductors are male. So I suppose someone could perhaps jump to that conclusion. Its not about them being stupid, its about them not being familiar with how some children with special needs behave.

dinosaur · 05/09/2005 16:11

In that case, I think that the harness makes it look better, rather than worse. But you can never underestimate the stupidity of Joe Public, ime of some of the comments we got when DS2 was still in his Denis Browne boots....

handlemecarefully · 05/09/2005 16:12

I agree Mytwopence....

However a harness on a large child would be a reasonable clue that nothing is awry

handlemecarefully · 05/09/2005 16:13

and I don't think it's about stupidity either!

Mytwopenceworth · 05/09/2005 16:14

I personally don't like the idea of handing out cards and stuff. WHY should I have to feel like I need to justify to complete strangers why my kids don't talk, why they scream or lash out, or why they get down on the floor and lick the tarmac! we don't owe anybody any explanations, and if they stare, sod em.

Pixiefish · 05/09/2005 16:14

I hope that I'd notice a child being abducted rather than a 'tantrum' special need. If they were being abducted they may shout for help or look at you or something. I definetly wouldn't assume abduction but would judge each situation on how I saw it. Harness would definetly tell me that there was some reason for the tantrum but why should your dh use one if he doesn't want to and can cope without it just to stop people staring IYSWIM

Pixiefish · 05/09/2005 16:15

x posts with mytwopenceworth who siad everything far more eloquently than I managed

meggymoo · 05/09/2005 16:15

Message withdrawn

Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:20

Thing is dh can't cope really- he just lets ds1 do what he wants- and then says he can't drag him to place X because people will think he's a child abductor. Or he does drag them then worries about people thinking he's a child abductor.

OK will this work

OP posts:
Original poster
Jimjams · 05/09/2005 16:22

Bit big- but anyway- that's the child who is severely disabled - so if you saw him being dragged down the street etc etc would you think SN or child abduction- let me know if you need a password.

I still think he should wave a PECS book to help people understand. (And some people are stupid- I've had some unbelievable comments- I remember seeing someone having a huge tantrum when I was pregnant with ds1 and I guessed autism- sure now that I was right).

OP posts:
handlemecarefully · 05/09/2005 16:23

Is that your son? He's a good looking lad isn't he...(sorry, off topic)