If you saw a child screaming.....

[Jimjams]

straining, and hitting themself on the head (age 6) and a man dragging them off in another direction would you think they were being abducted?

How about if it was the same scenario with a woman?

Yes and doesn't look SN (??) (what does SN look like? I mean Joe Publics imaghe of severely autistic? I mean if you saw him would you think he couldn't speak, couldn't understand that if he walks in the road he can be killed, couldn't understand that he can't walk on railway lines etc?

which is usually why he's being dragged in the first place

He's gorgeous btw!!

Yes, I would still know it was autism, regardless of how he looks! I can spot autism a mile away - as I'm sure you can and anyone else who's living it can!

But someone who has never come across someone with autism, probably wouldn't have a clue. Waving a PECS book - well, would they even understand what it was for? It would probably help them to guess the child had a 'problem', maybe they would assume the child had learning difficulties. But what would you gain from that?

Its the individuals choice, obviously, please dont get me wrong! I'm not in any way trying to force my thoughts on you!!!

But what would change if you found a way to give the message? I mean, if people were accosting your dh and trying to wrestle your son from him and screaming for the police, then obviously its a good idea to stop that from happening, but if they are just staring? I mean, does it matter if strangers stare? Do you care about them?

You may very well do! I mean, that's your right. I guess I just mean that whatever you do it should be for YOU and your family, and not to try to explain anything to strangers who are nothing in your life.

what a beautiful child x

Well I'm sure I wouldn't think they were being abducted unless I they were shouting (well for a child above 4), "get off me, I want my mummy/daddy".

Otherwise I would assume it was a tantrum or possibly an autistic child - but maybe that's just after being on mumsnet so much and being more 'aware' of these type of scenerios.

I think is probably is harder for blokes though.

No I don't care at all. Dh does more. although less these days. I see what you are saying, but I think dh is going to refuse to take him soon- which I DON"T want to happen. I don't care what people think as long as dh think's they don't think he's abducting him.

Does that make sense? I'm not really into educating people- just want to calm a frazzled dh!

Missed the link. He really is gorgeous.

Don't think it's about what he looks like, so much as his behaviour that would alert you to the fact that he wasn't being abducted.

I once got very upset after my DH dragged my screaming NT DD aged about 4 through the town and not one person took any notice (upset because he could have been abducting her). I doubt things have changed.

poor DH, would reading some of these responses help?

Hmm, don't know jimjams - from your description I would have said 'definitely not' but then imagining the picture of your son, I do wonder whether people might wonder that. But surely if that was the case they would challenge him and he could say 'he has severe autism'? People can be very stupid and insensitive I think, and it is their problem not yours or your dh's problem. Will keep thinking.

i wouldnt have a clue tbh. i;d watch and see what was going on (not staring if i can help iut) to try and guage the situation. what about the t-shirts i;ve heard about? mainly for kids wqith allergies (i am severely allergic to ), but i dont how i;d feel about actaully putting one on, its like 'whyt do i have to expalin?'

At the moment they're OK - they've established a very fixed route and ds1 knows the score- so the last 3 days have been fine. But sometimes our ideas of where to go have to clash (for example on the beach on Saturday he wanted to walk to a certain place that I knew would get cut off when the tide came in - I wouldn't let him- result dragging needed). So how can you communicate SN to people with no experience? I think the harness helps. BUt does it?

Couldn't do a t-shirt Misdee.... I do wear an autism ribbon. See I think he should wear a PECS apron and do countdown biuttons - but dh goes sweaty at the thought PMSL

Jimjams, I think on the beach it would be fairly obvious he wasn't being abducted, because it would be clear that your dh was steering him away from danger. And that would definitely be my first assumption (that precise scenario happened with my friend and her autistic ds, as he ran away over dangerous mud flats and had to be dragged back kicking and screaming - and it just looked like what it was, and although her ds doesn't 'look' autistic, and is also verbal and can do a very good impression of being NT, it was clear that he was being dragged back out of a dangerous situation by his dad, not being abducted).

Definitely think the harness would help with perceptions too.

I'm often amazed at how nosey people are and how they unadshamedly stare at things like accidents, arguments in the street etc. I don't think just because people are staring they are automatically thinking he's being abducted.

not sure if you would find this helpful or acceptable, but I saw a child once with a kind of ID card on a string round his neck similar to the ones people in offices often wear which said something like 'My name is X. I have autism and can't talk' - sorry I can't remember the exact detail.

oh god I did the beach dragging- I don't think it looked like an abduction- we looked a it odd anyway for various reasons. dh definitely wouldn't go for the ID tag- although we've used a medibracelet before.

so is dh being silly, or is it possible that some people will think he's abducting him?

what about a PECS keyring? like on taht film, where the lad had his commanly used cards on hisbelt loop?

mind you i wouldnt know what they were for bewfore mumsnet.

I don't think he's being silly, I can understand why he is worried but personally I would think it was pretty obvious he wasn't and there was something else going on.

definitely would think something. Some years ago when I was driving to work I drove along a road with 3 schools on it. I saw a man in a car kerb crawling beside a youngish (11) lad - it unnerved me but I do think everyone is a paedophile/abducter anyway. So i turned round and drove back the other way to see the man bundling the lad into his car and then in my r/v mirror he drove off. I took his number and called the police when I got to work (pre mobile phone days). They called me back the next day to say that they had traced the man and the questioned the incident and it turns out his ds was trying to truant and had been skipping school - his dad was simply retrieving him and delivering him back to his proper school. He was grateful for the concern though.

oh bollards- I know if dh is traced and questioned he'll refuse to take ds1 out again. So how can we make SN obvious to the average man/woman in street?

Sadly I don't think your dh is being paranoid. I particularly remember one time in town when my ds2 was still a baby. Ds1 ran off . I was pushing ds2's pram so dh ran after ds1 to stop him from getting to the main road. The only way dh could stop ds1 was to pick him up and put him over his shoulder. Ds1 was about 3ish but looked a lot older. He screamed and kicked but luckily dh is very strong and was able to hold on to him. I hurried to catch up and people were giving dh the most horrified stares. They only stopped when I caught up with dh and people realised that we were together.

OTOH there was also another occasion when I was out with ds1 by myself and bringing him home from pre-school. He was screaming and kicking and the only way I could stop him running into the road was to grab him. A police car was driving by and actually stopped to make sure that everything was okay - so I suppose women can get the same treatment.

could you make him a tshirt which reads "Its ok Im with my dad"