In praise of only children - the great things about having just one!

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Just wanted to start a positive thread about how fab it is to have an only child! In reaction to all the threads worrying about how sub-optimal some folk find it not to have more than one...

So here goes - to start off a list in praise of only children :

• you can take them to stuff appropriate to their age group without having to drag along a disinterested sibling

• peace and calm at home with no sibling rivalry and squabbles/ violence

• you can do something with another family without involving 2 cars/people carrier

• far easier to combine one child with work/social committments

• easier to provide financially for 1 child

u r so right blu. A girl I knew a while back was an only child. Her and her mum travelled together,went to concerts and were generally best friends. I am looking forward to that immensely!!!

I'm another one who will probably only get the opportunity to have one baby - late starter (35) for first and sole carer for my disabled husband. It's so lovely to hear all the positive things about 'only' children.

Hah! Cubby! You are just a cub!

Congratulations on your baby.

You could have another one at say...37? if you wanted to of course, Cub.

I had mine at 34 and 36

I'm youngest of 6 and have just one DD. She looks like being the only one (she's nearly two and I'm nearly 42!) and its good to see all the positives. I'm wistful for another because i love being part of such a big family but I have to say, having spent 10 years just DH and me the first child has been a shock, let alone any more!

What a lovely thread, it's good to read so many positive comments. Thanks to jabberwocky for the link too!
I have one ds who is 18m and dh is also an only child. I am one of 3. We have decided to only have one child and couldn't be happier!

This is a great thread, dd is 13mths, and we're very happy with just the 3 of us. It frustrates me and annoys me when people ask when we'll have another and say won't dd get lonely, NO she has lots of friends and cousins she sees loads!
The great things I've found is the attention I can give her and the things we can do together e.g. swimming which I couldn't do with more.
And it just feels right and we're happy!

Thanks so much for this thread its so nice to see positive things said

Love this thread.

Currently have wonderful ds (just two) and, although I always reckoned on having more than one (before I had any), am warming to the idea of having just ds - for all sorts of reasons.

I'm still struggling to let go of the always-thought-I'd-have-more-than-one feeling, but I found THIS ARTICLE online a few weeks ago. It summarises some US research into the prevalent selfish/lonely/crap-at-sharing only child stereotype - and I'm pleased to say it's all b*llocks! Onlies turn out as favourably or better than their peers with siblings.

Here's ANOTHER SITE that may be of interest. There's also another UK resource site for onlies, but it seems very one-sided in the negative direction of being an only; not particulary representative/scientific.

For the record, dp and my best friend are both onlies and are the friendliest people I know; most genuninely interested in others - and with no more "issues" that their peers with siblings. They have lots of beautiful friendships which they really nurture.

It's all looking good ...

I love only having one child. We had always planned in the pre-child days to have 2 but at some point realised that we were only planning this because it was "what you do" IYSWIM. It was somewhat of a revelation to both of us. I love our little family as it is and feel no need to add more.

My favourite thing about having an only child is definitely the fact that I can have a favourite and not feel ashamed.

The worst thing is family and others not believing me when I say that we are not having any more. They seem to dismiss what I say, as if I don't know my own mind and broodiness will set in eventually and I won't be able to resist.

Well, I can't believe I dragged this thread up from the dead! I didn't even look at the date, just followed the link to it from another thread.

Oh well, sorry!

I'm glad you revived this thread lazyline, it's lovely to read that so many families are happy with just one child.

We have one and have deliberated a second but decided against it, for many reasons but mainly financial tbh.

I've often got broody and many times I've thought that it would be lovely for dd to have a little brother or sister, but the cons outweigh the pros for us. I'm nearly 35 and selfish as it may sound, I don't think I want to go through the early stages with another baby - the worrying alone wears you out!

What a positive thread - it's so nice to hear all these things!

Just spent half term with my ds, my sister and her 2 dds. A whole week of her going on and on about how much her dds love each other and how wonderful it is to have siblings... all while she knows perfectly well ds doesn't have one! Strange! This thread is so good to see - thanks to you posters.

Have just been reading this good thread too -
Parenting : What are your opinions on families that only have 1 child?

I have four children and I LOVE taking one of them out, on his or her own, and getting to know them with in a one on one situation. You have that all the time. You must know your kids so well. That's got to be precious.

lazyline, that thought helped me and dd when she was sad about not having a brother or sister. It was hard to tell her that it was never going to happen. She kept forgetting (or seeming to forget) and getting her hopes up again.

Eventually I said that if I had two or three children, I wouldn't be allowed to have a favourite, because that wouldn't be fair. But as she is my only child she can be my favourite for ever and ever. We enjoy reminding each other of that.

Also she occasionally remembers that if she had a little brother he might lock her in the Wendy house (as her friend's brother once did on a play date).

My ds has said recently "Well why don't you just wish for another baby?" which is adorable but upsetting. I actually told him I nearly had another but they weren't strong enough to make it through nine months of growing unlike him who did. He seemed pleased that he'd nearly had one! Generally doesn't seem that bothered though!

I would dearly love another becasue I love and miss the baby stage but that is really not a good enough reason to have one.

I love having a singleton and people who have suggested I am cruel to deprive dd of a sibling get short shrift from me.

I love my three sisters but I don't like any of them-why should I take that risk with dd?

I'm new to this but thought I'd add my tuppence worth! I am divorced with a 7 year old ds and work as a Nanny-so during the week I have 3 children and evenings and weekends just my own and there's a big difference!
My ds benefits from having other children around and sharing my attention but I find with 3 children that it can often be a 'holding' situation-just making sure everyone is happy, fed a meal they ALL will eat, watered, clean, playing fairly etc and trips out are fun but not easy to find entertainment that suits all the ages plus all the paraphenalia needed to accompany them. When we're home on our own life is soooo easy-in fact I'm taking him to his first festival next weekend-something I wouldn't even contemplate with 3!
Everyone should do what suits their lives best-and if you get broody borrow a couple of your friends kids for the weekend first ;-)

bumping for stressteddy

I have one dd of 2 yrs - not by choice - I was 43 when she was born and, to cut it short, just can't have any more. I'm also an only child - but dh is one of 9!

As someone else mentioned - I love eating out with dd. She loves it too and it has become a favourite - either the 3 of us, or me and her for a cheap lunch. There is a lot of intimacy with one child - I just don't want that to slide into claustrophobia as it did with my mother. I hope that being an only child myself I will be more aware of the pitfalls - eg that there can be too much attention. Gill

I only just told my mum (on the phone to Canada) that I am pregnant...she was at first worried, then excited, then talking about the NEXT!!!! I told her that we were planning to have one and she didn't say anything but gave me a silent moment as she digested it. In the end though she managed to get here excitement back My very best friend since I was 1 is an only child, we travelled together with his mum and dad, he came to my wedding with his mum and dad, he supports me in everything and is now together with a wonderful woman who has 2 children and they adore him. So one really good thing about one child is that you can really involve their friends and its a lot easier to travel and to be excited about their achievements without making anyone feel bad or left out. How the child will turn out is genetics, parenting and environment I suppose. I don't understand people who feel the need to comment on how many children you have but on the multicultural threads it seems as though people feel the need to comment on whatever they like so just shrug it off and be YOU!

Just wanted to bump this for 2008!

For anyone who has a young only child and has concerns about this situation I want to share my experiences!

My 8 year old has never wanted a sibling - she is confident and sociable and popular at school.

She is very good with people - she has to be as otherwise she would have nobody to keep her company - no siblings to fall back on! She can make friends anywhere, with children and adults alike.

She is happy in her own company yet loves a party.

She is dyslexic and needs extra support at school - and I am fortunate in that I can focus my energies on helping her as best I can with her problems without feeling guilty about neglecting my other children.

There is an intimacy that can be shared between only children and their parents and although I cannot know this, I suspect that it is not possible in the same way if there are siblings. Sometimes I think it would be twice as good to have two children...but in reality I realise that is unlikely to be the case and indeed it may only be half as good!

well done for bumping this darth ! ds is 10 and has never wanted a sibling (though interestingly says he'd like a boy and a girl ifhe has children !) We have a close relationship and he has lots of attention and like your dd loves his own company. He is very solitary though - he can make friends but is more of a one particular friend at a time kind of boy.

Nice one Darth!

Interesting reading. I'm expecting no 1, and not planning to have any more - I've only ever wanted to have one child (although he will have two half siblings).

I have a hideous relationship with my brother, and would hate that for any child of mine! My mum was from a big family - 14 brothers and sisters, interestingly, none of them have had more than two children themselves, and most have only had one. My 'only child' cousins are lovely - and I repeat, my brother is a nightmare!