In praise of only children - the great things about having just one!

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Just wanted to start a positive thread about how fab it is to have an only child! In reaction to all the threads worrying about how sub-optimal some folk find it not to have more than one...

So here goes - to start off a list in praise of only children :

• you can take them to stuff appropriate to their age group without having to drag along a disinterested sibling

• peace and calm at home with no sibling rivalry and squabbles/ violence

• you can do something with another family without involving 2 cars/people carrier

• far easier to combine one child with work/social committments

• easier to provide financially for 1 child

bump

I could only have 1, so the advantages are being able to do more for him than I could with 2. He is very self-sufficient and even though he is rapidly approaching teenagerdom, I find myself liking him and the person he is becoming and enjoying the time I have on my own with him.

He has never felt that he has missed out by not having a sibling and in fact has said that he's glad he hasn't got one as he would miss all the attention he gets.

It means as well that if I save hard enough I should be able to pay all his uni fees, so that he doesn't come out with shed loads of debt. I couldn't afford to do it with two.

one all the way for us, we're an army of three and it's just perfect

Found the link for this on another thread recently, and decided to add my tuppence worth, and bump it again, as it's a lovely one. Pertinant for me as a close friend is having trouble having dc2, and is very upset that dd1 may be an only one. I am happy in my little unit of 3, and she seems to have trouble understanding why.
I guess I just believe that part of my job as a parent is to expose ds to as much in the world as I can, to equip him for the 80 odd years of life I hope he will have when he flees the nest. So, travel, culture, schooling, sports etc etc, and all of those things cost time and money. If he loves a certain sport, I want to be able to spend time ferrying him to games and watching. I want to be able to afford music lessons if he is so inclined, for example. In short, I want him to have as many experiences as he can, so he goes into the world with a better idea of what he likes, enjoys and is good at. I just think it is easier to do that if you have one, that you can focus your time, energy and money on. People seem astonished that I am not bothered about having another one, which annoys me. Surely, having one is just as valid as having more??

I agree JJ. I am fed up with the questions of when we are having another. I am blissfully happy with DD. We are not going ahead for all sorts of reasons, all v personal. I just think it's crazy people think I would list all these reasons to them just to explain.

I never realised there would be so much pressure to have more than one child. I am an only child, and only ever thought about having one child, never wanted to go through child birth more than once! Although wasn't as bad as I thought. Still not sure whether to have another but we are happy as a three - Thank you for this thread

Thank you so much for this thread!!! V V positive. DS is only 15mo so not yet in the zone to notice how much easier it is with one but feeling way better about it now.

and BIG sarcastic "thanks" to all the negative posters on this thread. My DH died when I was pregnant hence why ds is only child and likely to stay that way. Why come on this thread to put people down for situations that may not actually be within their control like dh dying, infertility. financial reasons?

Oh allergic so sorry for your loss.

I too have very personal reasons as to why we can't go ahead and have another (not that I actually have the yearning to). People are so insensitive and ignorant about only children - all these cliches get trotted out about failure to share and shyness it is such crap!

I agree Nicola there is SO much pressure why????

I agree, we are happy as our "army of three" and I have a well balanced, sociable, extrovert and bright DD who loves to share and has many friends, in fact one of the things that stood out on her school report this year was "she never lacks a companion". She hates the idea of siblings and I spend a lot of money and time on her dancing that I wouldn't be able to do with more than one, it fits in with my work to have an only and we are financially better off.

Negatives about onlies get on my nerves!

be able to go OTT for things like birthdays / christenings and reasonings....well i'm only going to be doing it the once lol.

I loved being an only child - I had my parents' undivided attention even though I didn't seem to demand it much as I either spent alot of time contentedly playing on my own or with my little gang of friends. I went on a lot of grown up holidays and trips (city breaks, museums etc as that was what they were interested in) and yet they also took me to Legoland and Alton Towers. I was so used to adult company that I was a very sociable little girl. I was also incredibly close to both my parents and I still count them as my very good friends.

Now I have a child of my own and I am happy for her to be an only one.

Ive got one DD, and we are letting nature take its course on whether we have another, I love My DD so much but would love another, and feel selfish for even considering another child when I love the one I have so much-This thread makes me feel guilty for wanting another! Did anyone else feel like this before they had more?

at 9am on a weekday you can decide to get on a train and travel for 4 hrs to go and stay with Nana with only ONE kids schedule to think about.
and you only have to take one bag,
and you can scoop up child under one arm and sling bag over the other arm to make a dash for the train
and you can treat DS to a magazine AND sandwich from train because its only 1 lot of spending
and when you need a wee you can fit DS and you into those tiny train toilets
when you arrive the next day you dont' feel too guilty about grandad taking ONE DS to the allotment, no worrying about a bored older one or a baby being too young to go.

not read all 8 pages , but the thing about onlies being more accustomed to adult company/precocious is a big generalisation - i am the eldest of 5 with only 18 months between me and the next sib, but i always liked the company of adults more and thought the kids my age were boring and babyish Not saying that this is a good thing, it's just how i was, but definitely not just onlies. Maybe more a first born thing as they will have had more adult company at least for a while? just a thought.

Orissaih, your post has been so helpful for me. I have a fabulous dd and am very much inclined to keep it that way. Wonderful to hear from someone who didn't have siblings, loved it and wants it for their children. There are so many sites out there that appear to be 'onlies' support groups, I was starting to worry about dd's long term mental health!

I am loving the time I have with her, in these tough economic times also being able to still go and do exciting things and new experiences with a bit less financial worry! She is so sociable and confident that I think your dc personality is so much more a factor. No siblings or lots are no predictor.

I have a sister and I do love her but we are not close and the unspoken but insiduous sibling rivalry between us has been corrosive and is a source of bitterness.

poshsinglemum, I feel like a pariah admitting that I don't like my sister but it is the truth. No, I don't hate her, not in the least but I don't like her and would not choose to spend any extended period of time with her. Unfortunately, my Mother, whom I love to bits and I am so close with, is an only child who lost her mom at the age of 5, and there is nothing she would like more than for all of us to be one big happy family. I also have a brother whom I am incredibly close to and he feels the same way about our sister.

I feel sorry for my Mom because of her own childhood and being an only she so desperately wanted a big family so that we could all be there for each other in the ways she never had anyone.

I don't want to hijack this thread because I have so many positive testimonies of being a parent of one myself but I just wanted to respond to your last comment.

My DD is 8.5 and she is an only child. She is, I swear it, pure joy (bear in mind that it is almost midnight and she is fast asleep so I have my blinkers on! lol). She is not only my child but also a little sister and my lover.

We actually call each other lovers and always have lovers time daily, even if it is just a cuddle on the sofa. On the w/e we are either out seeing plays, eating out or hibernating indoors listening to music and just being silly.

It is not always perfect mind but we are so intune with each other's moods and peculiarities that even when things are shaky, the dark cloud never lasts. I think if there was a sibling, it would be too easy to stay mad for longer with her because you would divert attention to another child to punish the naught child even more as if to say 'you could be the one getting all this love if you acted like this' but with an only child, you have none of that powerplay to hide behind. No point scoring going on.

Ever since DD was little we have always gone on random trips together and there is something about just having the one child that makes it possible to book holidays to far-away places without a second thought.

We are off to South East Asia in August for 3wks and last year we were in West Africa for the same period of time. We have adventures together and have no one else to worry about.

With one child, you can also truly invest in getting to know them and their dreams. And assisting in making these happen. I have all the time for my child when I am not working and I am not tired out from having to split this with other children.

Only children are also very easy in adult company and this makes them a pleasure to converse with. You also don't dumb down conversations within the home when you just have the one, I think this would be too easy to do with 2 or more kids running the roost. Without having to play mediator between quarrelling siblings, we can talk about things going on; for her, for me and all around us.

It's hard enough thinking you are not doing all you need to for your child and with one child, I seriously feel that this particular guilt is lessened!

Nessus - whilst I appreciate your sharing the joys of having one child I really think you and DD should stop referring to each other as lovers. You are not lovers and it just doesn't sound right.

My ds1 was 7 when ds2 came along and we still remaniss about the 'old days' when it was just him and us. What we did, the places we went and what our house was like ... only his toys, dvds etc etc. Now he's older it's not so important and little bro is only 6 so no real competition. But, oh how we love to remaniss and a bit of a distant memory now ........

I love taking DS to Carluccio's for breadsticks and Lasagne - just the two of us - our little ritual!

Mulanmum1 - appreciate your VP. We like it and will stick to it TYVM

lov⋅er
  /ˈlʌvər/ Show Spelled Pronunciation [luhv-er] Show IPA
?noun

1. a person who is in love with another.

Lover is one of those words that has shifted meaning in common parlance, which is a shame. When you come across the word in Jane Austen or the Little Women books, it doesn't mean that the pair are having it off!

Anyway - I have an only, and its lovely to be able to have the time (and money) to let her follow her interests to the full.