In praise of only children - the great things about having just one!

[flobbleflobble]

Just wanted to start a positive thread about how fab it is to have an only child! In reaction to all the threads worrying about how sub-optimal some folk find it not to have more than one...

So here goes - to start off a list in praise of only children :

• you can take them to stuff appropriate to their age group without having to drag along a disinterested sibling
  
  
• peace and calm at home with no sibling rivalry and squabbles/ violence
  
  
• you can do something with another family without involving 2 cars/people carrier
  
  
• far easier to combine one child with work/social committments
  
  
• easier to provide financially for 1 child

[mommie]

I have an only child, she is eight months old. You can give them all your attention and still go to work, you can indulge them (without turning them into divas), you can salvage yr relationship with your partner more quickly and take the odd break as a couple because your own parents are usually more willing to help when there is just one grandchild. You don't need to buy a massive house (with massive mortgage). You can possibly afford school fees, if so inclined. The benefits are endless!

[starrynight]

This thread is making me feel nostalgic about the days when I had one... My older 3 will be at school full time when this one is born so it will be like just having 1 for 6 hrs a day...bliss (though will be bawling my eyes out when my 'baby' goes through the gates for the first tim)

[Tortington]

you only have one lot of teachers telling you how rubbish your kids are at parents evening

[milosmum]

im with you on that custardo! one teacher telling you your DS had a tantrum and hurt another kid! could nt bare the embarrasment more than once!

[Betty1970]

My God, this is so refreshing! Even my bloody hairdresser asked me if i was pregnant again yet - not cos I am a lardy bloater - purely as daughter is now 2, so therefore it is "expected" of you to start again! I have to say me and dh are toying with the idea of not going for number 2. I have not found parenthood a particularly enjoyable experience - I love dd to bits, but I have found it so far(as I am sure many have) to be bloody hard work, not particularly rewarding (God I sound like the mother from hell) and a real test of dh and my relationship.
We are getting to the stage now where things are a lot better, however the thought of going through it all again scares me to death.

[robinia]

Being a mum of 4 the one thing I would really like is GeorginaA's - knowing who broke the toy (or made the mess or didn't flush the loo) - that kind of thing.

But, am I allowed to boast - I don't have any stretch marks - honestly .

[RTKangaMummy]

People don't compare to older brother or sister

Like your sister could read and write why can't you

Your brother is very good at football isn't he

Your sister can play piano to grade 6 why can't you play jingle bells yet

[serah]

What a brilliant thread! I can't add anything, as I am not even past the weaning stage so I KNOW NUFFINK, but it's great! I love reading the stuff I have to look forward to. Thank you for starting a thread which is so positive and affirming (obviously I am biased!!)

All that said, I still got a people carrier as my DP wanted a van and I wanted a 4 door car, and now we can do our van and family related stuff in one vehicle

[slotnicki]

This is a great thread. As a result of my history of miscarriages, my dd will probably be an only child. I am not particularly happy about this, but it has been important that i come to terms with the situation. I, too, am an only child and can see the pros and cons. However I strongly feel that it is impossible to make generalisations about the 'characteristics'of only children.

I would be interested to know whether parents of only children have been on the receiving end of these generalisations and how they have responded. This happened to me last year when discussing my dd at her school. A particular characteristic of her (then) behaviour was attributed to the fact that she is an only child. Looking back, I would have liked to have said that not only was it a huge generalisation, but that it was not my choice to have only one child and it was therefore not appropriate to remind me of this, when 'explaining' her behaviour. Of course, I said nothing of the sort, as I don't necessarily want to bring up my medical history in that sort of conversation.

[paolosgirl]

Often wished I was an only child when I was young, LOL, but now I would HATE not to have my sister, and my kids now have their cousins, so am (whispers) glad my mum and dad went against my wishes

[LJsmum]

Coming into this a bit late, but just wanted to comment on the belief that only children can be spoilt & selfish, etc.

My 5 yr old son is an only child and is definitely not spoilt or selfish. Well, ALL kids can be ego-centric to a certain extent (as my ds can), but he is not 'selfish' - he shares his possessions brilliantly and he knows very well that he doesn't get a new toy or a treat every time we go shopping. He is very good when I say 'NO' to something he wants, because he doesn't expect to get it. We only buy him things as treats or for special occasions, like birthdays etc. He is compassionate and caring and loves other kids to bits.

Yes I am a bit protective of him but it's simply because he's my first AND only child, so I suppose that comes with the territory. He is definitely not coddled though, and I encourage him to do things on his own and try new things.

I think the only thing he doesn't/won't understand are the sibling dynamics other children experience, as other people have also mentioned in this thread. He tends to relate to adults in quite a natural & confident way because he is around them a lot, and perhaps this may go against him at some stage? But at the moment, he has a lot of little friends & playmates who he relates to just as well as any other children. He will obviously miss out on having siblings of a similar age which I am sad about, but I just wanted to make the point that 'only' children are not necessarily spoilt, selfish or mal-adjusted. All depends on the family environment, I'd say.

[ricecake]

I have an only child - decided this years before he was born - plus I started late - he was born when I was 36.

I have an older brother and sister I don't get on with - due to their jealousy that I was my father's favourite until the day he died.

Now I am gald I will never ever have the chance to have a favourite.

I also agee with the eating out thing - I love going to coffee shops and restaurants and now that DS is a year old this is so enjoyable and easy - he just sits in his high chair and looks at people - smiles at them and is playful with them while I feed him little morsles of food - he is becoming quite a gourmet !

Oh and DH and I spends hours and hours playing with him - I don't think he would ever get this much attantion with siblings around.

[oaktree]

I'm in a similar position to slotnicki & this thread is really helping through what has been a very difficult time of readjustment - thanks everyone

[wishfulthinking]

I agree with Betty1970; I didn't enjoy the first part of motherhood at all (strike me down!), but life does get easier as dd gets older (now 16mths). We love playing with her and enjoy her company enormously but it's also wonderful when it's time to go upto to Sleepsville (6.30pm)!! I feel quite angry when people assume you'll be having more. I remember my midwife saying about 'when you have the next one' on her first visit - I was gobsmacked!!!!!! No way...

[edam]

Thank you for this positive thread. I'm struggling with the fact that ds may well be an only child ? I'd like another, dh is adamant we stop at one ? so this thread has reassured me that if I don't win the battle, it won't be the end of the world.
PS My mother was an only child and you are all right about the key difference being not understanding sibling relationships. She says she used to watch us in amazement as children!

[handlemecarefully]

Be happy in your choices - none, one, two, three or a football team.

[handlemecarefully]

Personally I love having 2 and might go for a third if my fallopian tubes and womb haven't degenerated into wizened old things due to advanced maternal age.

[lalaa]

what a brilliant thread. thanks.

[Janh]

One of the nicest children I know is an only child - he is 12 - pleasant, polite and popular.

[flobbleflobble]

I like the fact that you can celebrate an only child's achievements without reference/comparison to siblings - eg you did so well at your music exam - even better than your brother/nearly as well as your sister etc

[littleayla]

I have 1 girl and living in a mediterranen country she is surrounded by extended family. Surely its relationships with other human beings that matter not the fact they dont have brothers or sisters. me and my sister fought and there still are resenstments as I was the older one who should 'know better & set examples' and she was younger and 'less able' to cope. Grrr. Long live the only, happy child!!

[Blu]

The great thing about having my DS is that I glory in him and the fact that I have him. Plain and simple, full stop. Whether I have any 'extra' ones (I don't, and won't be)isn't an issue, he is himself, I am his mum, DP is his Dad, and it's just perfect.

[northerner]

Blu that is lovely.