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One-child families

In praise of only children - the great things about having just one!

333 replies

flobbleflobble · 04/07/2005 18:54

Just wanted to start a positive thread about how fab it is to have an only child! In reaction to all the threads worrying about how sub-optimal some folk find it not to have more than one...

So here goes - to start off a list in praise of only children :

  • you can take them to stuff appropriate to their age group without having to drag along a disinterested sibling

  • peace and calm at home with no sibling rivalry and squabbles/ violence

  • you can do something with another family without involving 2 cars/people carrier

  • far easier to combine one child with work/social committments

  • easier to provide financially for 1 child
OP posts:
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12DS · 04/02/2023 21:03

Great post! Had two children against better judgment. Life was much better with one.

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ellecf21 · 30/01/2023 21:14

Currently have one at the moment and tbh I quite like it. The idea of there being another one feels quite stressful. Is that accurate or do you just settle into having 2? DD is 7mo, no plans for another for at least a couple of years if we feel we'd like to have another.

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DoorstoManual · 29/01/2023 16:41

Zombie thread.

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Blip · 29/01/2023 12:49

I'm definitely glad that I didn't put my body through pregnancy and birth more than once!

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BooseysMom · 16/04/2020 19:57

@ChokkaBlock.. I was 40 when I had my one and only. DS is 6 now. We did sort of ttc another but so many reasons made it impossible and like you say it would be exhausting with a toddler and baby! I do get sudden really sad moments and guilt when i worry about the future for DS. But everyone worries however many they have!
I think i'm ok ..and we're ok as a family of three

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245Blossom · 16/04/2020 16:22

Even during the lockdown dd is doing ok on her own. Keeping herself occupied, family time and calling friends, one less thing to worry about is sibling bickering to contend with.

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ChokkaBlock · 16/04/2020 10:16

I’m so glad I found this thread! My little one is only 7 months and I debate if I would want a second down the road, but I will be pushing 40 by then and the thought of being pregnant then with a toddler sounds exhausting. My baby was very much wanted but I feel an obligation to provide a sibling which I think is more a societal expectation. I think we would be a happy family of three, not to mention being financially better off. I don’t think I could cope with a baby and a toddler and definitely doft my cap to those who can manage it!

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hertfordshiremum1984 · 12/04/2020 09:56

Glad I found this thread. We have one DS who is 3. I go backwards and forwards on having another one but know deep down that it wouldn't be the right decision for us. It was really HARD the first time, for a multitude of reasons (that's another thread!) and we have only just got back on our feet. Right now I am unfortunately going through a broody phase and trying to distract myself!

Pros of having one:

  • Better off financially, don't have to move to a bigger house or buy a bigger car.
  • Can afford to stay in our current neighbourhood (rather than move somewhere cheaper) as we don't have to rent a bigger house or buy a bigger car!
  • I almost lost my sanity the first time and won't have to go through that again (although I've been told the teen years are rough!Wink)
  • DH and I can focus on our business, hobbies, relationship and keeping healthy and fit because we have more time for ourselves
  • We don't have family support, one child feels manageable without a support system
  • Life is peaceful and calm, there are no sibling squabbles and you don't need to balance the needs of two children
  • Bedtime routine is peaceful and we take it in turns whilst the other person gets to relax instead of putting another child to sleep
  • We can focus fully on one child's homework when the time comes to do that
  • Easier to travel - both logistically and financially
  • DS shows no interest in siblings or babies and gets all our attention
  • Only one set of extra curricular activities to pay for, therefore DS is likely to have more opportunities
  • Had a mild bladder prolapse the first time. Although I have no symptoms, a second pregnancy might change that/make it worse.
  • Don't have to go through sleepless nights, teething, potty training again.
  • Perhaps the best reason is that the advantages of having a second child aren't as guaranteed as the advantages of sticking to one - sibling bond, more children to enjoy when you're older, support for your first child later in life are just not guaranteed.
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Fivebyfive2 · 09/03/2020 14:36

My baby ds is 3 months old and I've already been asked soooo many times about having another?! Can't they just let me enjoy him?

My gut feeling is I'd like to just focus on him. I've never minded the idea of just one child, being the 3 musketeers! We have close family and my brother and sil are hoping to try soon so all being well he'll have a cousin or two 🙂 It's odd because me and my brother are really close, but honestly I think this has made me feel I'd be 'disappointed' (for want of a better word) if we had more they didn't get on (dh isn't close with his siblings) Plus there's the logistics; money, space, time... I got lucky with a good pregnancy and straightforward c section but might not be as lucky again! The thought of doing the newborn thing with a toddler is horrific to me right now if I'm honest!! Maybe I'll change my mind but I'm glad I found this thread, I feel you are my people 😀

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479SweetPea · 04/03/2020 12:07

We have an only for so many reasons

Pregnancy wasn't great - morning sickness went on forever, lots of infections & previous miscarriage worries
Birth wasn't great - days not hours and haemorrhage
First 4.5 months unbelievably bad colic
I couldn't imagine nor was prepared to go through that again with a toddler to look after too!!
Plus the Finacial reason
Not getting on with my own siblings
Environmental reason - 7 billion people (I worry what future dd will be)
More time to spend on dd, not spoilt but doesn't miss out.

All was good until this last year dd is turning into a difficult pre teen and has thrown the you don't know what it's like being an only child in my face.
She's always been happy to be on her own, but it seems not so much now.
I'm happy for her to have friends over. And suggest she goes out to call for friends but she's reluctant to do that. Will play on her phone but won't chat to friends on it.
She doesn't want my company either and will often choose to shout at me rather than have fun. Any tips ??

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Starbuck8419 · 26/02/2020 21:55

We get to go to Disneyland Paris lots. With two we’d have to wait for the youngest to be old enough. We couldn’t all ride together if it was a bigger ride and we couldn’t afford it 😊

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BabyBunnyMama · 19/01/2020 08:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MIW01 · 03/10/2019 14:55

Wow, what a great thread and amazing it's been going for years! Such a shame about the haters . . . My nan always told me, "if you can't say something nice, say nothing at all." Works well for all!

So we're TTC 1st and possibly only but both have fertility issues and both 34, so we would consider ourselves so lucky to be blessed with a 1 and only!

I'm the eldest of 3 kids and can honestly say that even to this day I have never considered having siblings to be anything other than an annoying burden . Even to this day they only cause a load of hassle, we have nothing in common or even like each other really. That being said, both my parents fit the only child stereotypes.

So if we were able to have more than 1, I'm honestly not sure whether to or not but as is obvious from this thread, there is still so much stigma around it from society. Though I think it is terribly cruel to go around accusing people who choose to have 1 child of being cruel! Back to my if you can't say something nice point. People need to mind their own damn business!

Anyways, I really appreciate everyone's kind comments about their experiences of parents to both only children and an entire cohort in some cases! Lots of food for thought. Need to actually make the baby now!

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RDMummy · 01/10/2019 13:54

@VW81 I am completely on the same page as you! For so long felt I like I should want a second (and I'm still occasionally told I should) because it's what everyone else does. But the thought of it always just gave me a sinking feeling. Eventually realised that I just didn't want to do it again! It sounds so simple but took me a while to get there. My DD is nearly 6 and is a complete whirlwind of activity all the time, I know I wouldn't cope with another. We are a very happy family of 3.

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VW81 · 19/09/2019 17:33

Wow, thank you everyone for everything over the past nearly 14 years. What a great thread and a lovely (necessary) antidote to all the lonely only propaganda.

My son is nearly 2.5. Before he was born I wanted two (because that's what you do). From the day he was born I wanted one, probably because the change from a free life of doing what I want, when I want, to being second in command to a baby, and giving up nearly all of my hobbies and cultural excursions, was a total shock to me. From then I figured that more children = even less freedom, and I'd like some degree of freedom in my life.

I've had all the rational reasons for one child - for parents and children - clear in my brain, but my guilt at not giving him siblings (I'm one of four) eats at me constantly.

Most of our peers are moving onto their seconds. Plus, I see smug posts on Instagram of people celebrating their wonderful, multiple, children, and I think I want that (the accompanying work and personal sacrifice, not so much...)

My husband is now set on one, and I have talked about it so much with others that my sister (mother of three) recently told me to shut up and get on with enjoying what I do have. Otherwise my son will grow older and I won't have focused on what I should have done - enjoying him and our time together.

Whenever people tell me I won't regret another child, I know it's a flawed argument:

something would have to go pretty wrong to regret a child you've loved and nurtured
VS
we always imagine the child we didn't have to be amazing and the best child ever

This thread has helped me try to get over some of my guilt. My very act of Googling advice on how many children to have implies I don't really 'want' more, I just feel that I 'should have' more, because with children, we make decisions now that last forever (we can't wish up a teenager in 15 years time).

For me, it's not an easy choice, but you've all made me realise I'm not alone and the rational reasons work in real life, not just in my theory. Star Star Star

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Maraki12 · 02/05/2019 14:00

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NameChangerAmI · 28/04/2019 16:40

Gre8scott might that partly be down to how they were parented as children, rather than it be a cut and dry case of DF is an only child = kind and sharing, DM is one of 3 = selfish?

It's nice to hear the old sterotype of only children being selfish and not sharing being disgarded though. Grin

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Gre8scott · 27/04/2019 15:20

My mum is a very selfish human being and shes one of 3 my dad is the most generous kind man in the world and hes an only child.

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BooseysMom · 08/04/2019 09:01

@snarfblatt... wow that's an interesting article. Thanks for posting. I can totally understand that deterioration on health as I truly don't feel well for at least 2 weeks of every month and put it down to fluctuating hormones as I get older. Having a second child might rid me of the awful periods for 9 months or longer if b/f but then they'd soon return and I'd have menopause to deal with at the same time as a very young child and an older one. I just don't have the energy!

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snarfblatt · 03/04/2019 13:14

This article was shared on the Guardian a few months ago - it's a study based on Australian families conducted over 16 years, which measures the long-term effects of having a second child on the parents' mental health and stress.

"We found that mothers’ mental health improves with first children immediately following birth and remains steady over the next few years. But, with the second child, mothers’ mental health sharply declines and remains low."

"Further, the effects of children on mothers’ time pressure is not short-lived, but rather is a chronic stress that slowly deteriorates their health."

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BarmyLlama · 02/04/2019 22:50

Oh yes... I never have to change another nappy again!!!

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ErrolTheDragon · 02/04/2019 22:15

Oh, this nice thread has resurfaced - I was on it under a different name about 10 years ago!Smile

So now I can say that a definite benefit of having one is only having to go through GCSEs and A levels once.Grin And only one to transport, with baggage, to and from uni every so often.

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BooseysMom · 02/04/2019 20:42

@snarfblatt.. lol. I think that's what I'm going to have to do.. get a better bed in what should be DS's bed and go in there with him to get him to stay in there.. then DH can go back into our bed!!

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YouWinAgain · 02/04/2019 11:22

Not being outnumbered as a single parent

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snarfblatt · 01/04/2019 21:01

@BooseysMom I cosleep too but in my son's bed. In fairness it's much more comfy than mine! Wink

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