Welcome to the Seventh Heaven Tea Room (BYOB. Biscuits, crisps and cake provided)

[Catitainahatita]

Hello and welcome to the seventh incarnation of the tearoom.

If you have found us by chance and/or curiousity you must know that the tearoom is a virtual safe haven for all those seeking a friendly word, a good cuppa and plenty to snack on. By virtue of its magic nature, no food can cause any physical damage, so chocolate, alcohol, transfat and all such can be consumed guilt- (and magically calorie-) free.

We have a wide range of soft-furnishing to relax on; a lovely garden with a swing and a ha ha; a variety of animals; a spa and (for some unknown reason) an apidistra.

Everyone is welcome, if you have one child, ten or none at all. We are a tolerant and fisticuffs-free zone. Instead we employ our energies swooning at Mellors the Gardner cum handiman thinking a silly things to get up to.

Please come in and say hello. You never know, you may end up joining us ...

Anyone else for a glass of nonalcoholic wine (Drs orders )

RS - do you keep an internal score of how many Insensitive Clichés she comes out with? does she have rhino hide as well? I take it she has no clue she is being Insensitive...

Insensitive Friend protests too much, I think.

Oops, think I fell into a cliche myself there (people who say your life is crap are jealous, yup, definitely a cliche). Oh well, cliches are often cliches because they're true. Except when they're critical of only children, naturellement.

RS, I'll take a cat like that any day. I just wonder - older (rescue?) cat with suitable personality in place, or kitten and hope for the best? Trivial, but I'd kind of like to name my own pet ... only DD would actually get to do it and it'd be called Rosie. Guaranteed. Regardless of sex.

Have been to the pub. With numerous mothers of two and Very Pregnant Friend. Been breaking down the barriers between DD's school and the other local one (we're not supposed to speak to each other, apparently).

pheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeew - needy friend phoned Beer at work today and asked to stay over again - he said "I will have to discuss it with Tea first - phone me back later." But she didn't call back. So she obviously found somewhere cooler to go.

MT - oooooouuuuch - I am sorry about you have been in the wars today and glad you went to the docs! Well done tearoom ladies for forcing encouraging the visit!

Now.... dog chat.... I am sorry - I have known and loved a few terriers but I have also been scared to death by enough to know that I really couldn't be a terrier's Mum! I just can't relate to the level of confidence they appear to show!

I want a dog who has eyes that say "I have no idea what you mean but I love you anyway!" NOT "Lets go for a walk right now so I can bark at the entire neighbourhood on route to the park and then kill an rabbit or two if I have a chance!" Which in my experience seems to be on most terriers mind.... I do, however, wonder if RSs friend should get a terrier - It sounds like they would get on well!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Racing bloddy awful insensitive friend - I should introduce her to my sister in law

Dogs whippets are indeed loafers. 20 minutes and then the sofa. don't get a lurcher, they run and don't return and can jump very high!

daisy, that is my main reason for wanting one, I have to say! Plus (never mind the cattiness) they like to be petted and will be lapdogs and they aren't snappy, UNLIKE almost any brand of terrier - you'd have to have hand-reared a terrier from newborn to completely trust it not to snap, I believe firmly. It is hardwired into terrier brains to snap, I'm sure.
besotted terrier owner "No, he/she'll be fine, no he/she won't snap.... oh, he/she's never done that before, how strange - do you need a tissue for the blood?"

I'll be watching out for that with our new terrier, then

Tea's on the go, as is toast and a nice omelette if people so wish.

Oh good, mumsnet are thinking about possible cheery ways to help me

Racing, re your friend!

ooh, i could just go a nice mushroom omelette, ta! Actually, we might have bacon, mushroom and cheese omelette for lunch - in honour of it being DH's last day at work today [eeeek] - this move is REALLLY happening!

Eek indeed!! A nice mushroom omelette it is.

MT, how are you feeling today?

I'm feeling a bit better thanks - still had a good lie in () and am taking it easy. Dh isn't very keen on the fact that I've got orchestral rehearsals all weekend - I have promised to tell the conductor and to leave if I'm feeling unwell

Amber - hope MN can come up with something positive to help!

TW - its funny - I'd agree with you re terriers about most of them (including parents' ex collie/terrier x) - but I've met lots of borders who seem to have more of a lab/retreiver personality.

Lurchers - I love them!!! I think we might try to have one post Mistledog (not that I'm wishing her gone you understand, but, realistically, she won't last for ever) - we'll get a puppy so that we can have a major impact upon them rather than going for a rescue, due to MJ's age. But I can just imagine him rolling around with a lurcher and running and playing in large open spaces.... And they are a bit like greyhounds and whippets in that they can do with one decent walk and just sleep the rest of the time. Unlike the collie crosses - who could have gone on all day quite happily.

DCMB - a kitten definitley. An adult cat would need you to fit around its habits far more. A kitten would be far more likely to enjoy the amount of interaction required by a 5-year old. BadCat was almost a kitten when we got him. (This really is his name, named by Wriggle, no doubt becuase she heard someone shout 'It's that bad cat again!' so often. Could you not give it a double-barrelled name? Rosie ???

Thanks for messages of support re Insensitive Friend. I do actually enjoy days out with her, strangely. Even the first one, when she said, "I am going to have lots of babies as fast as possible, becuase there would be nothing worse than being a mother in your forties." No prizes for guessing how old I was at the time. And indeed still am. She was telling me yesterday that she was asked to leave the Steiner playgroup due to another mother not being able to cope with being in the same room as her. And she really has no idea why. She also is the mother of Extraordinarily Gifted Toddler, who has, at two, moved far beyond toddler books and has to share chapters of James and the Giant Peach every day. But on the plus side, there is no-one more sharing and generous becuase everything she has is so bloody perfect.

Tea, lucky escape from Needy Friend, but I think you still need to have an escape plan. She'll be back.

Just heard; school having OfSTED on Tuesday - not my working day.

Head Teacher becomes totally demented in these situations. The first year I was here we had ten new pot plants!! I have already received a memo about the state of my peigeon hole, on which our results may hang.

But yesterday I had to go up the very tall tower to rescue Gift Toddler who wasn't brave enough to follow Wriggle along the wobbly bridge and could not be rescued by her mother who was too fat to fit through the pop hole.

A disorganised Pigeon Hole . Well, that's an automatic failure, as we know

What would happen (she muses) if they only had nine pot plants instead? I'd be tempted to hide one

Toddler and early school years were certainly entertaining for me, with many many Very Undiplomatic Mums who would regularly tell me of the extraordinary good manners and thoughtfulness of their children, whilst my ds ran amok

Must be time for a nice vegetable spiced broth and lewd roll....

pmsl at RS and her charitable thoughts! So much easier to have them when one is secure in the knowledge that other people's insensitive smuggery is so misplaced!

Another vote for kittens and cats. Love them.
Must dash, have a conference to go to... yawn...

Amber, how are you doing? Better after a horrid start to the week?
How is everyone else?
Sorry, I have had no time to read back - will hopefully get to this weekend.

Loves to all of you!

Everyone at school met me with 'Oh - you're MJ's mum are you !!! () - its always him getting into trouble etc etc etc !!! Will be off every the w/e - see you Monday?

Jacksmama, it's a bit like waiting for the executioner at the moment - if mumsnet decide they can't or won't help me, then I think it'll be back to just the prayer thread and the tea room for me. Which is nice... but I'd be because there goes my SN support and I can't do real-life support groups.

But other than that, just tired, thanks.

ooops, I think that I am actually supposed to say "I'm fine thanks!"
Will try to improve....

Does not apply in tea room.

Right, this evening I am going to tell DH that RacingSnake on Mumsnet says we should get a kitten, I'm sure he will be won round. Or decide I've finally gone mad. One or the other. If there is a sensible reason to get a kitten, we will get a kitten (sensible = NOT because they're sooooo cute and fwuffy). I'd quite like to call it Lovely Cat, after a friend's DD's favourite toy, but that may be tempting fate ... double-barrelled could end up being Rosie-Banana after DD's Club Penguin avatar.

Oftsted on pigeonholes:

1. Outstanding - all pigeonholes correctly labelled and filled, each pigeonhole has own personal development plan
2. Good - pigeonholes correctly labelled, occasional items in wrong hole
3. Satisfactory - pigeonholes labelled as "pigeonhole's", significant items in wrong holes
4. Inadequate - real pigeons in pigeonholes

Not sure about potplants, can't just be a quantitative measure, need to factor in potplant health as well.

I really hope MN do something for you amber because I am sure that your SN stuff is invaluable.

Egads! My Handy Guide to Manners is no more!

I love the Pigeonhole Assessment Criteria. Next time I'm in a school Governor meeting, I'll award the staff the marks accordingly and see if a picture of me is pinned to the staff dartboard by the next week

We tend to kill the pot plants in the school through neglect, it seems. I note the last time, there was a set of dried flowers at a jaunty angle in the corner instead. The pot seemed to contain a used biro, a broken pencil and a rolled up copy of the TES crossword.

Have to talk sternly to ds's school after the Exams debacle of yesterday. (art teacher wandered off for an hour during exam, leaving ds with no materials) Not looking forward to this.

Love the OfSTED Pigeonhole assessment criteria. Have printed them out and will attach annonymously to pigeonholes. Will also leave chocolate biscuits nonymously and then am going home to pull up the drawbridge and not answer any e-mails for the duration.

Amber - very hard to talk to teachers about their failings, due to instant defensiveness of the breed. Could you approach it by asking for help? Fine Lad really upset because he feels he did not do his best as he had no materials for the first hour, what can he do?

I don't know, I'm hopeless at confrontations. I always end up at fault and apologising myself! Someone else will probably know how to be safely diplomatically assertive.

amber! {shock] at art teacher - what were they thinking!?
Lodging official complaint springs to mind there...

Thumb, when are you actually going? I always thought this move to the antipodes was a vague future plan. This sounds far more real.

Sorry for odd message last night, DaisyBoy woke so hit "send" and ran!

OfSTED Potplants:
OUTSTANDING: 10 potplants all watered, no brown foliage, correctly labelled with latin and common names

GOOD: Potplants alive, some labelled with common names, evidence of watering and care

SATISFACTORY: 8 potplants present, two pots with other items in them

POOR: 10 pots storing biros, newspapers and exercise books

RAcing, hurrah you are missing the great event. Your friend sounds hilarious pity Gifted Toddler - too much to live up to -

Ditto no terriers with kids, but border terriers do seem rather not terrierish - as do Airedales (although other end of size spectrum)

Here to a nice cup of tea and a vegan chocolate brownie cake - Happy Birthday DCMB!

...... what do you think of this kind of dog for apartment life....

www.freewebs.com/dragons_den/british_bulldog.jpg

????

They seem to get thumbs up in our research for living in apartments and are really not rats on strings at all! So very interesting for us....

Does anyone have any ideas or experiences about the breed?

Must go and carry on cleaning so my apartment looks how my parents think we live when they arrive tomorrow ready for Milks birfdi paartiy!!!!!!!!

Her party changed slightly since we last discussed it. It is going to be a farm visit followed by a snack time picnic with a pile of mini butterfly birthday cakes.