Getting bored with MumsNetters who ...

[Mulanmum]

Leave their 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 kids to cuddle each other and play harmoniously whilst they come onto this topic to tell us that only children are:

spoiled/spoilt
likely to prefer their chaotic household to the sad and lonely bleakhouse inhabited by an only child
will be lost and lonely without the comradeship of sibs when parents die

and that they have never met an adult who enjoyed being an only child

and on and on and on!

It isn't helpful for those who, unlike me, would have liked to have more children.

I don't go sticking my nose into the Larger Families topics posting tactless and unhelpful comments about children I know who LOATHE being one of TOO many or adults who DETEST their brothers/sisters.

Supportive and constructive posts are welcome from multi-kid mums but if you can't manage that then please get back to your kids and stop little Jasper hammering on little Jocasta's head.

Thank you

bollocks to the hide the thread stuff, this is MN, we can post and read where and what we like.

if you don't like people making comments about your children being onlies, think on... how must it feel to have people 'celebrate' their children's only status by suggesting the rest of us live in middens and deprive our children of love by dividing it?

can't you see the double standard?

lol at vvv.

I had an only child. I didnt feel the need to have special support for that.

Then I had another child.

We've ALL had an only child at some point. I find OP's assumption that those with more than 1 dont understand, completely idiotic. We've all had one child once. You are bonkers.

Good post, Filly.

The OP was deliberately provocative, and unsurprisingly has caused a lot of ill-feeling.
An odd decision for someone who wants everyone who has more than one child to go away and leave them alone.

I had never really been aware of this topic until this thread. Not bothered if it stays or goes, tbh, but not keen on anything that builds up a "them and us" attitude.

I know that some boards get more hassles than others. I clicked ignore on the 'home ed' topic months ago, as I was fed up of the same one or two posters causing the same arguments.

This doesn't seem to be the case in this topic though.

Zazen - the 'only child' threads may be of huge importance to those with only one child, as a source of support and advice. We all recognise that.
But they are not designed to be used to insult and intentionally inflame those who do not conform to one-child families.
We don;t need a thread just for those of us with 2,3 or more, we are no different from the rest of you.

I really don't care who makes comments about my DD being and only Aitch "if you don't like people making comments about your children being onlies"- and I really don't care that you have been blessed more than once.

We are not "celebrating" the fact that we are different from most of the population - this thread reinforces to me the need that we, the parents of onlies, have to be able to discuss our particular concerns and experiences in a mutually supportive environment.

Be fair!

I'm not "suggesting the rest of us live in middens and deprive our children of love by dividing it" - that's your suggestion and your issue.

What I do care about is the level of intolerance about only, and I mean only children who are not precious first borns.

I won't have anymore children. So it's not a case of first I had one than another than another. I had one and that's it.

So let's be fair to each other friends, you have more than one child and feel we are being precious or that I'm an "idiot", Ok that's your opinion, and I respect that you are entitled to express it, but I want this only section as I feel that there are a lot of issues and concerns and experiences I want to share with parents who have a similar situation to me, without having to explain myself constantly to parents of more than one who get their knickers in a twist, and assume I'm somehow judging their choices.

We have only one child, and are never going to have another, I knew as she was born that I would never carry another child. That's not the same as saying I had one child first and then had another VVV. There is a difference, please respect my opinion and experience on this.

this is painful

why can't they have their own section?

why can't you not look at it?

SO WHAT?

"that's your suggestion and your issue"

Actually no, that was the suggestion of the Only's topic and that is the whole point.

oh sorry

it's cos you got yer rights ainchya

"why can't they have their own section?"

They can as far as I'm concerned but it's repellent that they (minority) find the need to big up only children in such a way that puts bigger families down.

"Why can't you not look at it?"

Should we ignore things that are rude and horrid? I don't think so.

Having a separate section doesn't mean there's a wall around it that nobody can cross. It's not the same as having a private board with restricted access, because you're still part of the general conversation.

Mulansmum, surely this thread was intended to provoke argument. Otherwise, why post it?

Don't pick a fight and then complain when you get one is something most of us have to teach our kids at some stage or another.

This thread isn't really about only children vs not onlies, it's about territory. That's kind of odd really.

Aargh, I hid the section but this is still in Threads I'm On so I still find myself dragged back to pick at the scab...

I think there's two separate issues here -

1. Why do we have an Only-Child section at all? I think Squeaver did best at listing the issues which people with an only would like to be able to discuss with others. I was one of those who voted for it - I don't think parenting an only is massively different overall, but I do think there are a small number of issues which are worth discussing, and a section lets them be grouped together conveniently.

1. Why do the threads degenerate into being "My choice is better than yours"? - I think this is where the problem is. No-one would be that bothered if the threads on here were just "I have this issue with my only, what do others find?", but no, we can never manage it, it's always "it's great being us, it must be terrible being them" - to which "them" quite rightly reply "No it isn't, stop being so up yourselves" and off we go... As Humphrey says, the Home Ed topic has phases of going that way, so I've been through all this before. And I keep wailing "BE NICE!" at everyone and getting nowhere...

Dont presume to know the circumstances of those with more than one either. I'm aware that there are many factors and issues in families that remain with one child only. Those issues can actually apply to other families too.

Naivety-induced bigotry and ignorance is incredibly unsavoury, I find.

I'll stick with calling the OP an idiot I think.

It's vile that an OP such as this is so supported simply because your family circumstances are the same.

Oh sorry VVV I thought you were calling me an idiot! you didn't say that's all right then

I agree "Naivety-induced bigotry and ignorance is incredibly unsavoury".

I have ishoos with the OP's post as well FWIW.

But this arguement just illustrates what happens all over mumsnet across many many issues.

Why do I care if people who only have one child want to get together and talk aboutthat?
But then why should I care if other people send their child to private school or not? And why should I care if others choose to be working parents or stay at home parents?

These issues only ever get heated when people feel that, in discussing their own choices people are reflecting negatively upon the choices of others.

It is odd really because it seems to me that both sides are illustrating a fundamental anxiety about the choices they have made.

I really couldn't give a toss if people who have only one child wish to talk about that. And if, in doing so, they criticise people who have more than one child then my personal assumption is that emanates from insecurity or defensiveness - and therefore continue to give not a stuff.

My issue with the op was that it was gratuitously rude - which it was although the misunderstanding about active convos does explain that a little.

So talk if you want. i don't care ( and you do all have a lovely tea shop)

Zazzy

I can see why you'd think that, to be fair. I posted it immediately after your post.

zazen, i don't think you're even reading the threads before posting. it was specifically mentioned on the 'let's celebrate onlies' thread that our houses are messy and our children less loved.

and yes, i've been blessed more than once. although tbh, having faced infertility for a while and suffered pg losses, i also think you've been blessed.

i'd have been happy with one, i'm doubly happy with two. i like to think, though, that had i not had dd2 i wouldn't have slagged off families with more children. that's the point.

i can understand (as i've said before, actually) that there must be sadness and frustration if you want to have more children... basically if lissie says she's for a forum then i'm backing her as i always find her judgement sound.

but you'll HAVE to rein in the loonier elements if you don't want parents of 'multi-kids' (ffs) coming in and expressing an opinion.

AMIS you're dead right

there's no need to put down other people's choices or circumstances in order to celebrate your own

that's when it becomes divisive, and that's what people object to

cheers me dear!

blimey, is this still going on?

am amazed that something as essentially mundane as family size is creating such fuss

And where is MulansMum?

And where is MulansMum?

And where is MulansMum?

well quite, Lurker
MNers do like an argument though