Getting bored with MumsNetters who ...

[Mulanmum]

Leave their 2 or 3 or 4 or 5 kids to cuddle each other and play harmoniously whilst they come onto this topic to tell us that only children are:

spoiled/spoilt
likely to prefer their chaotic household to the sad and lonely bleakhouse inhabited by an only child
will be lost and lonely without the comradeship of sibs when parents die

and that they have never met an adult who enjoyed being an only child

and on and on and on!

It isn't helpful for those who, unlike me, would have liked to have more children.

I don't go sticking my nose into the Larger Families topics posting tactless and unhelpful comments about children I know who LOATHE being one of TOO many or adults who DETEST their brothers/sisters.

Supportive and constructive posts are welcome from multi-kid mums but if you can't manage that then please get back to your kids and stop little Jasper hammering on little Jocasta's head.

Thank you

Have to say that we are a very happy one child family. I love my DD and I feel very proud to be her mummy. I know she'd have iked a sibling but she is also a very sensible little girl who seems to understand that it just isn't the case. (4/5y of TTC; still not happening despite Clomid). It is me that has the longing for a second baby, rather than DD, or even me, having a longing to have a sibling if tha makes sense.

Holidays have also been something on my mind too recently.

I also agree that pretty much all the concerns I have re only child stuff can, and has been, dealt with happily through other topics.

Sorry to those mums-of-onlies who have found this a depressing thread - so have I but I do think some positives have come out of it. Through some of your very moving replies you have explained the hurtful comments we have to put up with and the anguish many suffer at not being able to have more children. It might make people think before they speak it future ... who knows, we can only hope!

Although I've been reading MN for about a year, I wasn't aware of the "active convos" option - I just assumed everyone looked at the topics which were relevant and/or of interest to them. Therefore I thought only people who read this topic would read and reply to this thread - I didn't realise it would attract the tribe who go looking for an argument and any opportunity to hurl abuse and fling personal insults .

I do agree that many issues we face can be dealt with in the parenting section but there were quite a few of us who thought it would be nice to have a place where we could discuss issues which particularly affect one child families. We've got this topic now so let's either make it what we want it to be or not bother with it. And if someone does want to talk about the sadness they feel about not being able to have more or wants to celebrate the fact that they have one fantastic DC then hopefully they can do so without the thoughtless, sarcastic, judgemental remarks that have marred this new topic thus far.

I'm really pleased to see that some new and interesting threads have now been started (breathes sigh of relief and mouths "thank-you" ).

Peace & love & croissants at MadBad's cafe for all

yeah but we all have issues specific to the number of kids in the family

I get strangers coming up to me all the bloody time saying "ooooh, YOU'VE got your hands full THERE haven't you?". Then running off chortling at their own cleverness

tbh I think the reason that this topic has incited such bile is that it does seem rather like PFB-itis gone mad. That people with onlies are SO bloody precious about their kids that they need a special topic to discuss them and their issues . While the rest of us just get on with it. Its like a caricature of the onlies vs more than one debate.

I do also think that not being able to have another baby if you want one surely awful no matter if you want 1, or 2, or 3. I'd really welcome a board devoted to that because I have seen the pain it causes.

But if you just want to sing the praises of your only child, or rejoice in your cleverness at stopping at one-and that IS what an awful lot of these threads have been about, along with sneering at those of us who have stupidly procreated more than once-then I reckon you should slum it in the scrum of the main board, like the rest of us.

"the tribe who go looking for an argument and any opportunity to hurl abuse and fling personal insults"

Oh FGS.

(and, btw, I don't think that most people with onlies are that precious about their kids. I know a lot of 1- child families in RL and they are mainly pretty chilled.

But on here, some of the attitudes are some are so precious it is toe curling.

Anyway, having a board just for people with only PFBs surely makes it look that way.)

"I wasn't aware of the "active convos" option - I just assumed everyone looked at the topics which were relevant and/or of interest to them"

I think this is a very fair point - made this mistake myself to start with and I see it quite often with newish posters. You think you are talking to other people with similar experiences on a thread to be quite shocked to have other poeple join in.

I (and others) have taken some of the weight loss threads off-line for that exact reason.

I detest the term PFB with a vengance unless it refers to exceptionally up-your-own-arse parenting. It feels so sneery.

look, i said it earlier on and i will say it again. there is a HUGE difference between having a first child and an only child. when you have your first child you assume that more will follow, so for that matter does everyone else. when you realise that your PFB will actually be your only it can be very isolating especially when everyone around you starts having more children and extolling the virtues of large famillies. then your lo starts asking about baby brothers or baby sisters. ds asked me for a baby brother for christmas and it was very hard to explain that he wont be getting a little brother. or a little sister. these are the types of issues that face the parents of onlies that parents of PFBs dont(and i hope) never will.

and our social worker beleives that only children do require different parenting in some instances. Does differnce mean precious these days then?

I don't post on the onlies board becasue I haven't (yet) accepted that DS will be an only but why would you have a problem with its existance anymore than you would with a large families section?

'Although I've been reading MN for about a year, I wasn't aware of the "active convos" option - I just assumed everyone looked at the topics which were relevant and/or of interest to them. Therefore I thought only people who read this topic would read and reply to this thread - I didn't realise it would attract the tribe who go looking for an argument and any opportunity to hurl abuse and fling personal insults .'

A bit like you, in fact.

Another bitter nasty crackin' thread from Mulanmum.

I worry about Xmas in a few years.

Xmas for me growing up was all about siblings, opening presents, playing games together going for walks and being silly with my brother and sister.

DS's cousins are all at least 15 years older than him, and probabaly by the time he is 7 ish have moved away, be skiing, have families of their own etc.

So it will be me and him.

Friends just dont; feel the same as family when it coems to things lilke Xmas.

Is it OK to discuss how I can give him the kind of Xmas that will be fun and energising and family oriented with other singel child families or is that too precious

but surely people with two children who want more experience that too.

And surely that is not something that ALL parents of onlies face?

Like I say, I think a board for secondary (or tertiary) infertility would be a marvellous idea. Or a board for people coming to terms with the fact that they cannot have any more children. Yes there might be a lot of people with just one child on there, but there would also be people with 3 children who wanted 4, the forum would be open to anyone experiencing that issue. Because, from what I have read on here, THAT can be very painful too as they don't have the family dynamic they want either.

I just don't see that one child families are so put upon and unusual-simply by virtue of being a one-child family, as opposed to by virtue of, say, experiencing secondary infertility- that they need their own space to discuss things. As I say, it looks incredibly precious.

and kewcumber I utterly agree that these are good things to discuss

I don't really get why you need a special topic to do so though, thats all.

TBH though if that was what was being discussed on here, I wouldn't care that much. But this topic seems to be full of stuff about how the rest of us are fools for having more than one child. And that gets my back up rather.

"it looks incredibly precious" - doesn;t to me and I don't even use the fecking board (this is my first ever thread on it).

We will have to agree differ.

I have primary, secondary, tertiary and any other kind of infertility you care to mention. A completely different discussion to how I parent my only child and really not much to do with it.

"But this topic seems to be full of stuff about how the rest of us are fools for having more than one child. And that gets my back up rather."

me too

I don;t take umbrage at paretns of 2/3/4 saying how haooy they are to have so many children and how nice it is they can entertian each other. Why would you take exception to anyone being glad they only had one.

Must leave. Really not interested, don't know why I'm allowing myself to get dragged in.

It's not them saying they're happy, it's when they imply that we should feel guilty because out love and attention are split between more than one child.

I couldn't give a stuff about anyone else's parenting choices (forced or otherwise) and I sure as hell don't insult them.

I just don't get how parenting an only child is different to parenting more than one child

I just do not get it at all

They are kids. They are basically pretty much the same.

I've only got one child.

I will only have one child.

I have experiences and concerns that go with having an only child - not a precious first born (with the implication that I will have a so-so, not so precious second and subsequent children).

I have an only child! What's so difficult to understand about that distinction?

I want this section. If you think it's up its own arse and pointless, precious, whatever, well, that's fine and good on you for having an opinion.

Now hide this section if you don't think we should exist please, and let us, the parents of onlies get on with our discussions here.

Thanks!

and this thread was directed at those of us with more than one child. That is why we have piled in and answered. Generally I think we "multi-kid" (fgs!) families have been rather restrained on this board generally.

we were told to stop neglecting our families, except in the case of singing the praises of one-child families, in which case it was ok to neglect our oddly named kids

I don't care even slightly how many children a family has. I honestly believe that any number of children can work fine. I have lovely friends who are onlies and who are one of many. So do my kids.

What I object to are 1. the idea that 1- child families are somehow so beleagured and special that they need their own board (if THAT is the case, why not have a board for, say, families with 2+ under 2 or 3 under 4. THERE'S hard work for you!) and 2 the idea that parenting an only is somehow really different. I've parented an only, who I did think would stay an only.

Cheers Filly from sidelines.

Well take it up with Mumsnet filly if you want your own section to talk and support mums with similar numbers of kids that you have. That's what we did because we have concerns that are particular and not included in the general parenting section. It's not rocket science.

I do agree that the Ops post was a little inflammatory, and not a little bit rude. I make no apologies for it as Mulansmum has already explained herself why she posted as she did.

I'm not saying being a mum to 2 3 or more kids is a walk in the park and doesn't deserve recognition of the hard work - of course it does.
Parents of one child have particular issues and experiences and we like to chat about these particular experiences in our 'onlies' section!

Ask MN for your own parents of 2 or 3 section if you feel strongly that you also have issues and concerns that aren't accommodated on the parenting (general), larger families or only children section.

We all have experiences and concerns about being a parent. Some of our issues are particular and some general, surely there is room for all on MN?

Please hide this thread if you feel it's not 'right by your book', and lobby MN for your own section for mums of 2 or 3 if you feel left out.

idiot