Celebrating one child families!

[Mulanmum]

I know that a lot of families have one child through cricumstance rather than choice and I'm really pleased that we now have a topic where they can share their sadness and frustration. But to balance it I'd like to start a thread for those of us who have one child by choice and don't feel wistful, cheated or inadequate because we don't have a second, or third, or fourth ...

I belong to a forum for inter-country adopters and one member posted about a second child joining their family "now I feel we are a proper family. When it was just the three of us I felt we were a bit lame".

There was a fab thread in the Parenting section a while ago (anyone do a link?) where people were listing the advantages of having an only child. One member posted that she and her husband "glory" in their DS. I thought that was a lovely choice of word .

It's 3.10 in the morning so I don't really feel like glorying in anything just now but wanted to get this thread started and will add to it when I'm not shattered!

Cripes, this is all getting a bit to much Hatrick, don't sod off! My sod off was directed at Twiglet who thought it'd be ok to just stroll on in and shoot us down. Someone was itching for a fight maybe? The dividing love comment comes from the fact i didn't bond with my ds properly till he was 3, hes only 5 now, so maybe i would find it hard to find room in my heart for another at the mo. All getting a bit heavy in here, lets lighten up, man!

And TFT is right, if i was to go read the thread regarding larger families i know i'd be crying into my arm cos i'll be missing out on so many things large families bring (think Darling Buds of May, hands up who didn't want to be in that family. I did) Pros and cons in all things we do in life. Changing it completely, does anyone else think TFT could actually be more pink and fluffy?! Don't take offence Tea, its great! Do you wake up in a cloud of Chanel? You're too god damn nice, girl!

This is such a lovely thread!! Thank you to Mulanmum for starting it. I have only one, he's eight months old, and my husband is happy with one because he says we have perfection now, why spoil it (LOL) and also because he is an only as well. I have a sister and growing up with her was no bed of roses (tbh she is an evil malicious troll) so I'm not really opposed to having one child... however I find myself looking at my lovely, lovely little boy and wondering what it would be like to have another like him
(he has just started craling and right this minute crawled over to me and pulled himself to standing on my leg, grinning like the Cheshire cat)... but being able to give him all my heart and all my attention is bliss.

Hatrick and Twiglett - sorry I posted and upset you and disappeared. I was not trying to generalise, I was I was speaking from my situation. I am certain I could not cope with twice or more times as much to do, and congratulate those of you who can. It's ok to celebrate feeling just about able to manage what you have though.

I quite clearly said you don't split your love. You must have to split your time though, we are none of us an inexhaustible resource.

There are so many things I do feel torn about. Having an only adds to these in many ways. Not feeling torn is sometimes a little victory.

It doesn't take much to realise that each situation brings difficulties. Would you let us have our space to talk about those, and our joys, without telling us they aren't important.

Tiglet: "But you can all fuck off. I've had it with this place and I've had it with narrow-minded insulting people like you! "

This is certainly one approach to dealing with someone's point of view that differs from your own. However, I think that most would agree that it is neither polite or eloquent. I suppose each to their own when it comes to ability to express a point.

Jacksmama - your little boy sounds lovely!!!

Twiglett - I am sorry you are feeling bad about mn. I am a newbie and haven't got to "know" you yet... but I do know you are very well loved in these woods and will be missed terribly if you make the decision to go!

Mulanmum - I was thinking of somethingelse nice about having just one child...

Every Sunday we go to a lovely big Sunday market to buy the food for Sunday dinner. In order to get the shopping home in one piece we have a shopping trolley (loved by 65+ in the UK but very trendy where I live !!).

Our one child fits into said trolley perfectly. So when we are feeling up for a laugh we pop dd into the trolley and pull her up and down the apartment. Hours of fun to be had by all!!!!!

Definately one to be added to the list, I think... Ha ha ha!!!!

(Whispers - thanks mn.)

So... What shall we do???

Only talk about the sadder issues to do with having one child because we are afraid of admitting the nice things and seeming smug or accidently insulting people?

Continue to look at the lovely side of our parenting experiences here?

Start a new thread on a similar theme but somehow making it VERY clear we respect everyone's fertility choices but just want to laugh, smile and get a bit sentimental sometimes about our little families?

Or perhaps someone has another idea?

IMHO - I think we should continue here. Because it is ok for people to disagree - it is what makes humanity so diverse! However, we don't have to wallow in what divides us - we can move on - I think we should accept our differences and continue to live! But I don't want to be chatting with me, myself and I so if you have any ideas, just say!!!

How about be smug? I could go for smug. Hang on, just going to go get some more coffee... slightly disrupted night because my one and only wanted to nurse constantly between 2 am and 5 am... so, much coffee needed today... but currently feeling grateful that I can concentrate on him only because I am too tired to think much less worry about another child... but still glorying in my wonderful little boy!!!

Did I really just say that??? Sorry, that must have been my inside voice coming out... what I really meant was that we should each be grateful for what we have and respect each other's circumstances and choices. And I don't understand when people come and post on threads that are nothing to do with them just to be cranky. I mean ffs what are you doing posting on a thread that says "Celebrating one-child families" if you have more than one??? Go start one of your own called "Celebrating multiple-children families" or even one called "Slagging the one-child-families thread" if you must!

Huh, I guess I fell out of the cranky tree myself this morning... well, DS just dropped off to sleep again so I'm off for a lie-down. Ny-ny!!

Enjoy your lie-down Jacksmama!

Talking about sleep - I slept until late on Sunday morning. When I woke up I realised that what I thought was my daughter snuggling next to me was infact a pillow!?! My daughter had woken up earlier and had had time to organise a little surprise for me - she presented me with a really good drawing! But the biggest surprise was she had also drawn a quite impressive hairy chest and matching hairy belly on her own body! Luckily it came off in the bath!

Today had a moment (OK a few) of why oh why couldn't I have another child.(Rubbish eggs if you must know!) It's half term and just having to organise play dates - otherwise dd has no one to play with - can get a bit tiring. Seeing other families in the park where sibs playing together, remembering my childhood where I spent many an hour biulding lego space-stations with my brother was making me feel sad. So nice to see a thread celebrating onlies - and reminding myself it's actually fine and there are many positives.It's a great therad and has cheered me up.
I don't understand why people are getting the hump.

Mmmm... julesrose.... I know what you mean about having a 'moment'... me too!!!

Today when I started to prepare lunch I set up an area for dd to play. I lay down a playmat and put a cushion on the floor then helped her choose something to play with. She chose her bucket of plastic animals.

I left her to play and went into the kitchen.

She started crying and came into the kitchen saying "MUMMY PLAY... MUMMY PLAY". I was so upset... "this is because she is an only" the nasty voice in my head whispered.

She calmed down and went back to the animals. A while later she proudly presented me with the bucket with each animal carefully balanced around the edge. "Look... yum, yum" she explained to me.

"WOW!" - the nice voice said in my head "She has had enough quiet and time to herself to practice her fine motor skills and use her imagination well because she is an only child."

We all go "Yes - having one is great" and "Oh my God why have I just got one?" all the time!!! I think it is important to feel sad and talk about it but we should also make sure we focus as much as possible on the "yes" side of things - life is much nicer and more fun that way!

Look here -

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/larger_families/636049-Is-the-no-of-children-you-want-related-to-the

I think it is an interesting discussion! Some of you might like to read it too!

Huh, really interesting thread on number of children in original family. I'm the eldest of two and a half. Parents divorced and remarried - not to each other, you understand so have a half-sister (from father and stepmum). Have no contact with younger sister (she is an evil malicious troll and has estranged herself from all of us) but love my half-sib. I sometimes think maybe I'd like one more because DS is lovely, lovely, lovely (fell asleep nursing and is cuddled in my lap so pecking this out one-handed on laptop) but DH really wants just one. And he is an only of a single mum... so that seems relevant to the other thread. Will see what happens but if #2, would have to be C-section b/c DS's labour and birth were horrible b/c of stupid, incompetent MW and OB...grrrr...

Yeah - many, many, factors come into play in our decision to have children and if so how many - but I wonder if there are trends between the family we were born into and the family we have as adults... fascinating isn't it!?!

My dd is poorly!

A second day of hugging her, watching spot videos and mning inbetween. Seriously - I have no idea how emotionally and physically I could cope with a poorly child and even one more poorly or not. But then I am someone who really neeeeeds sleep and is too easily upset by other peoples pain!

If I ever wobble - the "maybe one more would be nice?" in the middle of the night chat - I know I must think back to today and yesterday and say - Mothering is a skill and mothering one child, two or many requires mothers with different skills.

These skills are not better or worse than each other. Just different.

I think I am overall quite skilled for bringing up just one! More than one - no. My emotional and physical well-being would really suffer and the children would suffer from having such a wreck of a Mum!

DD has fallen asleep - so T42 sneeks off to have a nap herself!

Happy posts to follow - I promise... just not right now. ZZZZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Poor little DD!! Cuddles and love to both of you. DH brought a cold home from his weekend away aAnd now DS is coughing a bit... be could be that fake little cough he discovered as a snew sound a few months ago. If he gets a cold it won't be the end of the world 9she says after a well-rested night) but I know what you mean, my sanity would suffer with more than one to look after right now. It's a very busy time between working part-time, looking after DS now that he's crawling and standing and threatening to walk, and mum-in-law just home again from hospital (she was in for a MONTH!!)... sigh... if I make it through this week I will be very happy. But (warning, rant starting) now that DS is 8 1/2 months old, even people who are very well aware what a terrible time I had when he was born are asking when we're having another!! The question is not when, it's whether we can/ would want to at all, but either way, what bloody business it is of theirs?? My friends with onlies say the same, people always ask them when they are having #2. So intrusive!!! Sod off to them!!!
Sorry, I fell out of the cranky tree this morning, have another appointment with the specialist this morn to discuss resection surgery and am a little stressed.
But enough about me
Love and snuggles to your DD teafortwo!!

Thanks Jacksmama - good luck with all your juggling - it really does sound like a busy time!!!

We didn't get to go to a party we have been looking forward to and Aw aw aw - my daughter cried solidly for two hours tonight - because of being ill. It was horrible!!!

I could really do with someone sweet and lovely like Mulanmum to tell me something wonderful about being a Mum!!!

Hello T4T
nobody has answered your plea for help! and you have written such a lovely thread

Hope your DD is feeling better.

A lovely thing about being a mum (of however many ) is to creep into their rooms when they are "busy" sleeping and look at the relaxed innocence of their faces

we can all glory as mothers of wonderful little beings - that WE mother and parent the best way we know how {hginr}

meant to be
I'm getting tired!

T4T - have only just seen your post as I spent most of my on-line time yesterday being sworn at by those ghastly MNutters on my AIBU thread about the F word .

Something lovely about being a mum? Tonight I was lying next to DD waiting for her to succumb to sleep. She patted my pillow and said "Mummy, I want you to stay here FOREVER!".

Hope that's OK - it's the best I can do at 3.15 a.m.

daisy99malign and Mulanmum - thank you thank you thank you!!! xxxx

We had another rough night watching videos and dvds!!

At about 3am DD cuddled upto me said "I love you" then was sick all over me and herself!!!

I am 'juggling' a bit at the moment too... this ontop of everythingelse is a bit much! But I am surviving!!! [defiant smiley]

Mulanmum - Look back - on 'that thread' - if you can bear it!! I posted a few times too. My understanding is a few people went a bit too far but their tongues were firmly in cheek.

In general everyone was saying they thought swearing to be nasty was not very mn - which I think is your main concern. This is a massive win for you!!!! I think you won on AIBU - which is impressive! Where you 'drew' was on the censorship concept - I think it is generally felt mn needs to be liberal to make Mum's feel they can turn to it for whatever and particularly to 'let off steam'. Censoring makes it feel a bit big brotherish(?). I said you drew because they said asking for a message to be deleted is perfectly acceptable (a sort of post-censorship).

One win and one draw - not bad for an AIBU post!!!

Thanks again for coming to my rescue!!! Back to another day of the Teletubbies, Noddy and Thomas the Tank... ...

We go on holiday in three days... so very happy posts coming up I promise!!!!

• I can't believe I wrote mum's instead of mums!!!! Blame it on being up all night!!!!!

When I turned my shower off dd had dragged herself from the sofa and opened the shower curtain... "Mummy, oh taaaay?" She asked and then said "Tawww awww aaaawwwlll" and handed me my towel!!!

I was overwhelmed - She is two and a half and I am an adult and still can't be that kind when I am ill!!!

The grey clouds are passing - thanks for being so nice!!!! xxx