Welcome to the One-child families topic

[BigTech]

Enjoy

Looks like teafortwo has plenty, I'm sure she'll share!

Yes the guilt. Playdates. Holidays.

But really my family are all spread out - half of them are dead and one remaining sis in the US and my elderly mum nearby - 10 miles away. i may as well have been an only, as it turns out - and if I had been I would have had my own room!!!

Wow! It's great to see so many more people on here since last night.

Lottien - I am 41 with an almost 4 yo dd so our timings were the same. If anyone says anything to me about having more, my stock answer is "I'm really quite old you know" then let them wonder how old I really am.

And so many things on this thread that we could start whole new threads about. C'mon ladies jump to it!

I'll sign up too. DD is 9mths and like Hotcross I wouldn't think about another til she's in school if we do at all. Before we were married we only wanted 1 child after not enjoying growing up with our siblings. It just made sense to us.

I wonder how many of us on here had horrible births and how many have other factors, like older DH's, at work. For me it's both. I'm still soul-searching about it though I must admit. I still haven't given away or sold any of DS's baby clothes, and I'm hoping this topic will help me come to terms with not having another.

Twinkle, not a horrible birth as such ... but not that long ago I realised that I never went into TTC with an optimistic mindset, I always thought it would be difficult. It was, took 18 months (small beer by some standards, I know). Then an unremarkable but still miserable tired and nauseous first trimester, second trimester characterised by the longest attack of thrush ever, third trimester of heartburn and huge unhappy fatness. Birth ... "I have no happier expectation of giving birth than I do of being murdered" (misquote, probably, either Rachel Cusk or Kate Figes). PND and grumpy baby ... I suddenly realised that a second child wouldn't constitute another bad year (DD's first year, bless her, was grim), it would be a bad three years. Or it might not, it might be a breeze, but I'm not convinced.

Plus, the only time I got near to thinking a second child might be a good idea after all, I remembered that TTC would involve lots of sex, and that made me feel terribly tired and put me off the whole idea once and for all.

I too think this is a good topic. I have one DS who's 3 this month. DH has middle child syndrome and only wants one!

Yep I've been there. TTC for us took 4 years, and I don't relish the thought of going through all that again. Plus I had a horrible time with breastfeeding.

All in all I don't think my body's cut out for motherhood, although I certainly am and I do love it. But like Rindercella (I think) said earlier, my DS is absolutely perfect and I can't imagine we could produce that perfection again. I'm talking myself around as I type here!

I have a confession to make... I had a real wobble about this topic yesterday - a discussion in AIBU made me really doubt our campaign (and myself)... but now.... seeing so many new people on this thread - I am proud of Mulanmum, Squeaver, myself and everyone else who pushed for this topic - I am looking forward to further discussions in other threads in this topic!

T42 - don't wobble. You all did brilliantly. I saw that discussion as well and there were some valid points. We don't need thie topic and we're not massively special or out of the ordinary but that could be said for lots of topics on mn. Its just nice to be able to discuss issues that are relevant to one parent families with others who are in the same boat. If people don't want to post on it, they don't have to.

thanks tsm, what wise and kind words!

Hi can I join you all? Am mum to 2.6yr DD. Still not 100% decided but unlikely to have another- certainly not in near future if atall. Awful pregnancy (sick all the way through) DD born at 36 weeks weighing in at a tiny 3lbs 14oz- followed an awful first year of guilt ridden mummy, HV breathing down neck about poor weight gain, emergency op for DD and chromosomal testing (all fine though), then menengitis scare at 7.5 months (so our nerves had really shot it by then!). Had sort of already decided during preg that I would be unlikely to put myself through it again and also DH knocking on in age (48)!

Know i don't need to justify myself to anyone here but these are the reasons I tell myself as I do find myself wavering at times. Thanks for this topic as I don't have many people in RL to share with x

Elizabethsmm - hello and welcome.

TfT - I just looked up that thread - very thankful I missed it. But that's AIBU for you (and - whisper it - some people who spend faaaar too much time on here and care faaar too much about this sort of thing). It's only a topic on a website talk section FFS.

Anyway, you did well. And what TSM said

Just been prompted to look t that thread.

No no no!!!! - Noone-else look at said thread- I made a big big fool of myself - the less people that read it the better. SO - madbad - stay away - stay away I say!!!!

Look at this one instead - this one is extremely, very, really nice....

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/living_overseas/613580-from-our-own-correspondent

welcome elizabethsmum!!!!

Hello, am also glad for this topic. DP & I expecting DC1 in 3 weeks. He already has 2 x DS who are 25 & 26, so a big gap! Their reaction was "Bloody Hell Dad!" but seem quite excited about it all now.

It'll be our only DC together as we are both over the hill older than average, but young at heart!

OK, can't make strike-out work. Imagine "over the hill" was struck through.

Oooh brilliant! That was quick work!
One child, aged 5, I'm old and apart from that am a well-adjusted only daughter of an only son.....
Phew...a safe haven....

Wow Seabright! Many congratulations on your pregnancy. How fantastic that your baby is going to have a couple of big brothers to watch out for him/her. I know that my DSS will always there for DD. DH is serious jokes about his DS chaperoning DD to parties when she is older! DSS is 18, DD is 13 months.

Teafortwo - your instruction came too late. I'd already looked.

For what it's worth now, I didn't think you had made a big big fool of yourself. At the time, I just thought you were being extra-specially sweet and gracious in order to disarm those who were flinging a surprising (to me, anyway) amount of vitriol in your/our/this topic's direction.

Anyway, we've got our topic. It can be used by those who want it and ignored by those who don't.

Quite agree with you Madbad - Tf2, you did not make a fool of yourself on the other thread. Quite surprised that anyone could/would be so bothered about this topic to start an AIBU thread about it!

madmad - you are not mad or bad at all!!! Infact you are very sweet and kind!

Thanks

Lets talk about something different now!!!

Thanks Rindercella too!

ooooh finally our own section hooray!

love from Lindz and DD 6.2 x

Hello here too from me and DS who is 18 months. DH and I have just decided that he will be our only one and until tonight I felt good about it .... then I read the other threads under this topic and so many questions and worries came up ... so I'm glad to have found this.

Families are abroad and we live in a rural area so not much of a chance for DS to have many friends in the road. Also two sets of closest friends have decided not to have children at all. But I'm all ready for toddler groups etc, also he's at nursery 3 mornings a week and i plan to increase it by the time he's 3. We have found a brilliant school not far away which will mean lots going on, sports and after-school activities so hopefully he won't feel lonely. And surely all he needs is me???