Did you mind being an only child?

[Ticktacks]

Anyone here a only child? My husband and I are discussing whether to have 2nd child. I'm keen, he's not. If you were an only child growing up didi you mind not having a sibling? Were you ever lonely?

This was the same for me in the 70’s but now most of my DD friends are an only child. It’s very much shifted what’s normal now. An only child today would not feel unusual in the slightest in the UK.

I am an only child of an only child. I have no first cousins and I was the only grandchild on both sides.

I absolutely loved it, and I would have utterly detested having a sibling. I am thankful that I don't have that to worry about.

I can’t say I like it either, lonely and just a bit odd as a child and I really don’t like it now. I absolutely know that it often doesn’t work out but I often see people out with their sister, and all their DC etc and I’d really like that. It also means that there is only me to deal with elderly parents (DH is very helpful where he can) but often it’s a lot. I purposely didn’t have an only.

Yes this is how I feel.

Wish I had been one

While the last thing I want to do is dismiss anyone’s experiences, I do find MN only child threads very fixated on the fantasy sibling, who is a friend and not an enemy, a support and not a further drain (sometimes financially as well as emotionally) and a companion and not a distant relative.

Fantasies are controllable. Real people are more complex.

Have another baby if you want one, for them. Not to be somebody’s sibling.

Yes this. I didn’t mind too much as a child as I didn’t know any different, but I really feel it now. I didn’t want my DC to be an only child.

A sibling doesn’t really mean that the two children will grow to be close and support each other later on in life . I have a sister but wish I didn’t .

Some of you who think a sibling will always make life easier and will be a form of support to you may want to think what it’s like for the sibling providing that support.

Here is the message I got from my sibling yesterday attached. Now - I’m the youngest. So I’m certainly not saying stop at one because on that logic I wouldn’t be born and in a strange way the points would be true as he wouldn’t have me to support him. But my role in life extends far beyond this. I’m far more than my brothers sister!

I hated not having siblings as a child and I continue to hate it as an adult.

I had many children to make up for it.

I understand that sometimes people don't get a choice, but I would never have been one and done on purpose. I'd rather not have any at all.

I hated it as a child and I don’t like it now, I’m always so envious of those who have siblings and (if they get on of course) have shared memories of their childhood and have children who are cousins and hopefully grow up close. I had my cousins but we’ve grown apart (there’s an age gap) and I was always really bored on holidays as I was so keen to make a friend but most people always had siblings so didn’t need to.

it has its perks of course in that I’m not arguing with anyone but as my parents become elderly I can see how hard it WILL be as they get even older or in poor health. I also have a very short social battery and I need a good bit of alone time to fully recharge and I like my own space (not sure if that is just that I’m an introvert) but all in all I’m glad I’ve got two children - as much as they squabble, I love watching that relationship bloom

I loved it and still do. I’ve never wanted a sibling.

I am very happy being an only child. Me and my parents were a good unit and we had a lovely home life. Happy as an adult too. I have good friends and a husband and DC.

I'd agree with @Dorrieisalittlewitch (who is Dorrie?!) that it's situational. I'm technically the youngest of 5, though a mix of half siblings and all sorts of other complications so much of my life feels more like an only childhood. They rarely lived in the same house as me, we didn't vacation together etc. So was used to being alone/making friends etc as a kid. It's a skill I still value about myself, I can make friends pretty much anywhere. I'm not particularly close with any of them, and many of them don't speak to one another either. We don't hang out or holiday together or even call for chats.

In the last 10 years there have been 2 significant deaths and I've basically coped with them single handedly as siblings either wanted nothing to do with it, were too bereft to function or were estranged from the person so it wasn't appropriate. Whilst that was horrible in many ways, I'm expecting it will turn out to be easier than the situations yet to come where I'll have to work with siblings to sort out estates as we're extremely different people and don't traditionally work well together. I have expectations it's going to get ugly no matter how I play it. I'd say my experience of siblings is they're not around enough for us to have the closeness and comraderie etc I see in other families, but enough to cause dramas at least once a year.

Whereas DH has just gone through losing both his parents and he's never been closer to his siblings. They've really rallied and been a team about it.

So much of it is down to personality, which is impossible to predict.

I don't think that people without siblings are looking upon the idea of kinship as looking for some kind of support animal when we use the word 'support' - yes, we're all more than someone else's relative, to paraphrase a previous poster and there are no guarantees that siblings will always gel with one another.

In and ideal situation - as I saw with my mother and her siblings - they were at least there for one another, and had the bond of shared experiences. If it's a one-way street, then I imagine that it's wearing.

I’m worried now as an only adult child as we are too dependent on each other. But I also know (as an adult) there were miscarriages before me and my mother’s life in danger at my birth. I have no children so know things are going to get more difficult.

Yes, my mum wanted more but lost three after me.

I have a sibling but wish I was an only, i dread having to sort out my parents estate with my sibling. DS is an only and loves it, young adult now I'm so glad i can simply leave everything to him and it doesn't have to be split out.

Same here - I worry about the future and ending up alone in the world a lot.

It was fine as a child, it's harder now as an adult, especially as I am divorced, so have no partner and my father is dead and my mother is elderly.

I've no illusions that a sibling would automatically be a great support, but by not having one there is literally zero chance of a good sibling relationship.

I had several children and they all get on well with each other. I wouldn't have deliberately had an only child myself.

One child - all your focus on that child. More than one child - very difficult to share that focus, in this day and age parenting is tough - battling iPhones, gaming, Constant clubs (no one plays out anymore)

I was born in China in the era that one child policy prevailed, and so I was the only one and so are the people around me.

i really wished i had a sibling growing up and as well as now being an adult with my own family. However examine my parents today as a parent myself, I am glad they didn’t. The way my parents parented, it would have been disastrous to have a sibling. Of course, as some mentioned I am the only focus of my parents which could be and often is too much, when my mum retired, she examed my life in microscope and her entire existence was to comb through my choices the way I am living etc. and now they are elderly and I have to provide support without anyone else who can help, which can be a lot given I have children of my own and job etc.

overall, I think there’s no right or wrong answer to have a second one as well as whether it will be nice. I’m very envious of friends colleagues who have large families and close bond but again I know it would have been unlikely to be my family if I had siblings. So…I think I’m glad i was the only one, equally I feel fortunate for my children they are not one child, they have siblings and my priority for them is to have a close bond and care for each other.

I liked being an only child. I saw so many of my friends having to entertain or include younger siblings to their own detriment and frustration. My parents had more time for me and I was generally included in more adult time generally, so I was very articulate and conversational from a young age. I've also seen many siblings who either don't talk to each other or who are barely close at all. There really is no guarantee that siblings will help and support one another. In fact it can cause rows and division. And the care of elderly relatives more often than not falls to one adult child (usually the daughter).

I never really wanted a sibling as a child, and have always been good at making friends. My mum is particularly anti-social though, so I always craved people around me.

As an adult I really feel the pressure of it. I am mid-forties, with primary aged children, but also parents who are getting older and less capable. I’m pulled every which way. DH has a particularly useless brother, but at the very least he has someone to moan about, and does a bit of the helping when directed.

It really hit me at my gran’s funeral, when my dad and his siblings had a shared grief, even if they are not close, they remain part of that family. When my parents die, I will be the only one. My wider family is massive, but that doesn’t actually matter in this instance.

I don’t need my kids to be friends, but I’m very much comforted / relieved by the thought that they won’t be alone.

I was very articulate and conversational from a young age.

Yes, so was I and I cringe about that now. Only children are invariably precocious in engaging with adults, but socially stunted in engaging with other kids and more emotionally immature.

I have an only child myself and am really aware of this kind of thing.