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One-child families

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Original poster

Any social workers out there to advise on difficult situation?

30 replies

oddjob2022 · 13/04/2026 06:40

Could any social workers or those with experience of family courts tell me what would happen in this situation?

Single mum with cancer. My 12 yr old son’s father was a donor I met online who has a number of other donor children but now lives with wife and their kids. He has seen my son briefly a few times over the years

My will appoints my brother as my son’s guardian and my son is close to my brother and husband family. However I didn’t realise that due to the fact that the donor is on my son’s birth certificate my brother cannot straightforwardly inherit parental responsibility.

If I die and my brother takes my son and alerts social services and SS calls the donor, the donor will say he’s happy with my brother as guardian and will refuse to take my son himself. However will likely SS accept this? Will they leave my son in my brother’s care and suggest he then applies for special guardianship or might they move him into care? If they leave him with my brother, would there be any kind of interim order that would enable my brother to have authority to apply for a school place near him for my son?

OP posts:
RoseField1 · 13/04/2026 08:39

Wonkywalker · 13/04/2026 07:30

Really sorry to hear about your situation.

I was involved in a few situations helping step parents, family members appointed as testamentary guardians or older children with court applications after a parent 's passing.

The most important thing is that you have made a will and made a testamentary guardian appointment.

When helping parents in your situation, I have also suggested a letter to be held with the will to explain why you have chosen your brother ( rather than another relative or family friend or the father ) or if there is no one else why you think your brother will do the job well. A letter in your situation is really compelling to a judge - hopefully it won't come to that but if it is with your will it is back up for the court or social services.

At your daughters age, the big factor on who she goes to is her age and her wishes and feelings but hopefully your plans are something she would be ok with.

Your brother should make a residence order application - that would need to be served on the father as he has PR. In most situations, a quick hearing and temporary order and if birth father does not want to get involved a final hearing that is equally short - so please don't worry.

There is unlikely to be any SS involvement unless the dad opposes your child living with her uncle or there are other red flags raised in a safeguarding quick check by CAFCASS - such as your brother having a conviction or having had domestic violence allegations made against him. For example, if a previous partner made allegations against him in a case involving his own children.

i hope this info gives you peace of mind xx

Just to say it's not a residence order now it's a child arrangements order

RoseField1 · 13/04/2026 08:42

oddjob2022 · 13/04/2026 08:29

If my son were to go and live with his uncle prior to my death because I was too unwell, would all of this process work in the same way?

Show quote history

Yes, this would actually be easier as you would be able to provide your views to court and agree the child arrangements order yourself. I imagine this would help you feel more reassured. In fact it may be worth getting legal advice on whether he could apply to share PR by a CAO now, before DS goes to live with him. I don't know if that is legally possible.

RoseField1 · 13/04/2026 08:43

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 08:30

Why do you seem reluctant to do the most obvious thing… and consult a solicitor?

She doesn't really need to, and a solicitor will cost £250 minimum. I can understand why a woman with a terminal illness and a child to provide for might want to avoid unnecessary spending, can't you?

Driftingawaynow · 13/04/2026 09:17

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 08:30

Why do you seem reluctant to do the most obvious thing… and consult a solicitor?

As @RoseField1 says. Read the room please, this woman is in a crushing situation and asking for advice in a perfectly reasonable manner

I would also like to point out that having been through family courts and been advised by solicitors and barristers and social workers along the way, the advice I had from solicitors was by far the least realistic. Yes, they can set out a process but for me it was money down the drain.

OP, my heart breaks for you that you’re having to do this. I am also single mum with cancer. Sending you love for what it’s worth, you’re obviously a great mum.

Oddgain · 13/04/2026 09:48

RoseField1 · 13/04/2026 08:43

She doesn't really need to, and a solicitor will cost £250 minimum. I can understand why a woman with a terminal illness and a child to provide for might want to avoid unnecessary spending, can't you?

Show quote history

Not when it came to my child and what lies in store for them - no.
I would see professional advice as money well spent

wouldn’t you?

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