Really conflicted about a second child - help

[Cottonwoolclouds]

DS is 6, will be 7 later this year and is in year one at school.

He has suspected ASD/ADHD and is on the waiting list. I’ve just been diagnosed myself with both of these too.

DS has never asked for a sibling and he never seems unhappy - he seems to love to have our full attention and we play board games together, he does lots of extra curricular clubs including Beavers.
We tend to spend a lot of time out and about doing things with him and meeting friends too (both adults and children).

However we don’t have much family nearby (another reason we wanted to stop at one) except his grandparents (my DH’s parents) who live about 25 mins drive away, so we see them once or twice a week.
His aunties , uncles and cousins all live more than an hour away. It’s a shame as when he sees his cousins they play really well together and they’re all close in age.
I guess I’m panicking about him being lonely as he gets older. Both my DH and I have siblings but as mentioned above, we don’t see them often as we don’t live nearby and we don’t really hear from them either. So I know it’s no guarantee. But I remember growing up and having lots of cousins to play with and attend family events with at Christmas etc.
I find the whole decision making extremely daunting and not knowing if you are making the right one.
Currently, he enjoys having our full attention and full control of the TV to watch whatever he likes! We also have little routines with him, which I believe help to regulate his ASD and these may look very different if a baby was here.

So I’m very confused, torn and frustrated with trying to decide which way to turn with this decision, that I could ultimately regret either way.

I’m willing to bet that you actually know many more only children but they didn’t fit the stereotype you describe so you didn’t think about it.

Ten years between mine and I was going post my positive experience and some plusses (also a big age gap between me & my siblings) but OP other posters are correct- there isn’t a decision to be made as your DP has clearly stated he doesn’t want another. So your choice would be to leave and have one with someone else?

@Hallywally

I realise that, but I’m hoping I can possibly talk him round.

It would be wrong to try and convince someone to have a child he has stated he doesn’t want. Set out your case, certainly, but you have to respect his decision (and bodily autonomy) even if you don’t agree with it.

There are 9 years between me and my sister. I remember playing alot together when I was young. Of course she became more independent and moved out by the time I was at secondary school but we've become closer again in adulthood and both have son's the same age. I think the age gap was fine. The added benefit being that I grew closer to my parents when I was a teenager as it was just the 3 of us a lot of the time as she'd moved out. Don't let the age gap put you off, there are pros and cons to everything.