Joys of one! | Mumsnet

Mooghulempress · 2021-07-09T11:37:24+00:00

Realising that one has its upsides - 3 year old DS has a grim D&V bug, and it’s so nice just being able to focus on him, sitting quietly and reading together and chatting to him. Finding positives to one feels nice!

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Booboosweet · 11/07/2021 13:03

I can add to this! I have one dd who's 7 and I had the loveliest day out with her yesterday. We went for breakfast, to the cinema and shopping. I'm able to do stuff like this with her which I wouldn't be able to do with two or more. We had a great day.

mommabear2386 · 12/07/2021 17:32

Agreee I have booked the first week of half term off and am booking lots of activities for my 3.5 year old son :) all very affordable and no one else to consider!
I love having just one child!

BooseysMom · 14/07/2021 06:04

After years of ttc for a second, I am finally at peace with having one. There's so much to celebrate about it. I can focus on DS and don't have the added financial pressure of two. I actually don't know how women cope with more than one!
I've hit the peri menopause and another would send me over the edge now!
There's way too much expectation on everyone to have 2 or more. But it's better for the planet, the purse strings and your stress levels to settle for one!

Original poster

Mooghulempress · 19/07/2021 07:50

I’ve started following an Instagram lady called @onlyyoypodcast, which is all about how having 1 child is just as valid as having lots, and I find it really comforting!

OP posts:

BooseysMom · 20/07/2021 06:18

@Mooghulempress.. that sounds worth following. I'm at a holiday park atm and literally everyone has 2 or more kids. I'm.worrying DS feels lonely again now

Extrahotcoffee · 20/07/2021 06:40

I read something on one of the forum the other day, being an only child is far down the list of disadvantages. He is at a holiday park with loving parents, he is in a privileged position!

Ragwort · 20/07/2021 06:42

My DS (now 20) is an only DC, he has always had a wide circle of friends.... he is very confident about new situations, making new friends, getting involved in things ... maybe it's 'natural' for him to understand that you have to make an effort to meet people because he's never had 'ready made' company by having siblings ?

Ragwort · 20/07/2021 06:44

Boosey whenever we went on those sorts of holidays my DS loved meeting new friends, he would just go up to other children and start playing with up them ... in fact last week aged 20 he happily approached a cricket playing group on the beach !

BooseysMom · 20/07/2021 07:29

@Extrahotcoffee.. that's a lovely thing to say thank you ..I needed it as my worry is being heightened by the AF from hell!

@Ragwort.. good point about the making friends thing. I did notice one boy try to talk to him and he wasn't particularly bothered. But I was glad as the boy had scabbed spots all over his face!

Original poster

Mooghulempress · 21/07/2021 22:07

@Ragwort that’s so good to hear - hoping my little one ends up with the confidence to to do that too! We just had the best weekend together - we went away for a couple of nights and explored a new town and it felt so amazingly easy!

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Roomonb · 30/07/2021 09:08

Only having to do baby stage, teething etc once!

TeachesOfPeaches · 30/07/2021 09:10

My son is 5 and even goes to holiday clubs on his own and is so confident at making new friends. I'm a single parent also and he loves how it is just the two of us and we do whatever we like

BigasdaB · 30/07/2021 09:20

After years of failing to conceive another dc I’m happy with ds being an only. He is a teenager now and he is happy being the only one. In his words he’s pleased as it means he doesn’t need to compete for things.
I spent a long thing thinking he would be disadvantaged by being an only, but I’ve made my peace. I think as a parent it’s much easier with one, financially and also with how much me time I get.

PumpkinPie2016 · 01/08/2021 20:09

One is great! We have one DS who is 7 and I think it's great

We are currently on holiday in Devon and it's been lovely. We have been able to afford trips out e.g. to a zoo, that would be tricky with more than one. DS is quite chilled these days so we go out for a good portion of the day and then he is happy to chill at the cottage. He enjoys eating out with us too!

At home, only one lot of homework each week so we can really spend time supporting him with it. He can do activities e.g. one to one swimming lessons and beavers as we only have him to pay for. I have a full time, demanding job so only having one means I can ensure he still gets lots of quality time with me.

I obviously see many families with 2 or more but honestly I don't think I could cope with more than one. I love our life as it is,DS is very happy and has lots of friends, including friends on our lane who he plays with a lot so he isn't lonely.

BooseysMom · 03/08/2021 04:09

Great positive posts here . I really needed to read them thank you. (I'm not the OP) There's so much stigma attached to having just one but this shows there are lots of advantages.

Gilbot · 04/08/2021 13:22

I love being able to no think about the cost of activities. Pre-school aged DC isn’t spoilt but I like to be able to just book the swimming / Forest school / soft play etc & not think about the cost.

There’s currently an “inflatable playground” up in our local park that costs £10 and I like just being able to afford it. Whereas if I had 3/4 kids it would be £30/40 which is huge amount of money for me so I’d have to say no. Also just being able to spontaneously eat out.

Oh and looking at private schools which wouldn’t be an option for us personally if we had more than one

Gilbot · 04/08/2021 13:28

I also like a relatively tidy home & like to be organised which is possible with one. I think with more kids I would feel much more stressed.

nellly · 04/08/2021 13:30

Really pleased I found this thread, I'm pregnant with our first and various medical conditions have some to light which mean he is likely to be our only. Lovely to read such positive stories about the only child experience

Disneyblue · 04/08/2021 13:35

Such a breath of fresh air a post like this. Of course there are advantages to having one. It does annoy me that there seems to be an expectation to have more than one, it's always 'kids' and 'children'.
Not saying I'll never have another, but I would find two an absolute nightmare.
My brother was horrible to me anyway.

Gilbot · 04/08/2021 13:44

@nellly please don’t worry. I always “assumed” I would have 2 kids but it hasn’t turned out that way for a number of reasons. I LOVE having my one.

We recently went on holiday & it was so nice just being able to tailor activities to suit her age and not having to compromise.

One of my friends with 2 kids keep asking me when I’m having another. “What, so I can spend my days listening to the bickering and fighting like you do?”

LivingForPinkGin · 04/08/2021 14:47

I love having one child. Have a 4 year old ds. I love that all weekend activities can be planned with just him in mind, dont have to work around siblings, we dont have to think too much about the cost of things with just one. I just know I couldn't cope with more than 1. DH and I both work full time and my job is very demanding.

I still get a lot of when are you giving him a sibling which used to bother me but it doesn't bother me much now. We are a very happy family of 3 (plus cat).

Peach1886 · 04/08/2021 14:57

DS is six, and we can have so much fun together - he is great company and very funny, and although I worry about him being lonely I think it's only me that's bothered, as he seems absolutely fine and has lots of friends; I just have to make the effort to get in touch with their mums and organise play dates.

The cost thing is also a really big deal for us, we don't earn a lot but we can do all sorts of stuff with him that we couldn't if he had siblings - as the PP said, one kid going on the bouncy castle is doable, any more than that starts to eat significantly into a week's budget.

I wouldn't ideally have had him as an only, I wanted a HUGE family, but it wasn't to be (medically) and he is miracle enough in himself so we make the most of that

BooseysMom · 04/08/2021 15:49

Such a breath of fresh air a post like this. Of course there are advantages to having one. It does annoy me that there seems to be an expectation to have more than one, it's always 'kids' and 'children'.
Not saying I'll never have another, but I would find two an absolute nightmare.
My brother was horrible to me anyway

Absolutely agree! The expectation everyone has at least 2 really gets to me and like you say, everything is always 'the kids' never 'kid'!

And yes, I hate my brother and he was always a bully to me too.

Othersideofthemoon · 04/08/2021 15:50

After many years of trying for a 2nd child. Now my DS is 11 I am very pleased we have just him. He's about to move to independent school in September, along with 5 single children friends. Lots of our friends with more than 1 DC don't have that option as the costs are far too high for more than 1. He has lots of friends and I think he is far more contented and sociable than I was as a very lonely 3rd child.

ineedaholidayandwine · 04/08/2021 16:00

I have 1, she's nearly 5 and is awesome! She doesn't want a sibling, is happy the 3 of us, she's super confident, always chatting to other children when on holiday etc, will happily go to kids club and make new friends, is doing really well in school because we can give the extra attention.
Like others i love that we have money to spend on her for days out, holidays, holiday clubs during school holidays and that, as mentioned, we can tailor activities for her and not worry a sibling would be bored/unable to join in.
Also happy i don't have to listen to bickering like my friends do and like my mum did when we were kids, i hated my brother when we were little, he stole my stuff!
We're not ruling out a second but it's highly unlikely.