Joys of one!

[Mooghulempress]

Realising that one has its upsides - 3 year old DS has a grim D&V bug, and it’s so nice just being able to focus on him, sitting quietly and reading together and chatting to him. Finding positives to one feels nice!

I think there's so much stigma attached to the only child thing. I will always remember when we first moved into the area and an old lady from a bungalow there started chatting to me and DS and she actually said he needs to play with the other kids in the area (never mind we actually didn't know anyone at that time!) as if thinking 'oh an only child . he must be lonely '. People are so presumptuous and hurtful without realising. They don't consider why there are only children.

Also as on a thread about climate change, there are those considering a 3rd or 4th child... with the climate in the state it's in, it's pure madness!

I’ve had a sick child today (not Covid) and it’s been so nice just tending to her needs all day. We cancelled swimming, cuddled on the sofa, but then went for a quick ice cream later on when she felt a bit better. Was nice not to have to think about anyone else.

@Gilbot..I know exactly what you mean! I used to love watching Cbeebies with DS when he was poorly , cuddling on the sofa . Now he's outgrown Cbeebies but I still put it on when he's ill and watch bits while he's playing games on my phone
Hope she feels better now.

I love having one. We choose together what we want to do, and always have fun. Another child would ruin that dynamic.

If we fancy nipping to the cinema, we can because it's not too pricey. More kids means more expense.

I've just booked an extravagant birthday present for her next year - really good tickets to see The Cursed Child, plus a night in a posh hotel in London. We never do luxury, this is a one off - but I couldn't have done it with more kids.

She's very sociable, very empathetic and makes friends really easily.

My DS has SEND and we can focus on him and don't have to worry about balancing the needs of another child.

He was in hospital for 8 weeks after he was born and we saw lots of families in similar positions really struggle to cope being separated from other children. Often the mum would be at the hospital with the sick child and then dad was at home (possibly hours away) trying to work and look after older siblings.

My DS is 5 and agree with a lot of this. He is so 'easy' now to the slightly feral toddler he was a couple of years ago. We can go out/go on holiday and not worry about buggies, naps, baby food/bottles and do what he wants to do.

Also agree regards finances. He's got a speech and language delay and we've been able to afford private speech therapy without worrying about money, plus the time to devote to it. I was a sahm for 4 years.

His baby and toddlerhood was not easy and I felt I just couldn't physically and emotionally do it again, nor could my husband. Unfortunately we can never know if that was the 'right' decision but life is good and I'm happy with our one.

Plus no more teething, potty training, months of sleepless nights and weaning!

I was worried about summer holidays and ds being bored with just us on our holiday ( he is in holiday clubs whilst I work) but he is so confident and sociable that he has approached other kids on the beach and started playing with them and at parks and attractions so it has made it easy for dh and I to sit and chill!

I am very lucky that he is like that as otherwise I would feel guilty

We've had an amazing summer with dd doing loads of activities and playing with friends. I'm so proud of her. I'm happy to be a mum of one!

Yay for all the people having lovely summers. Hopefully that will be me next year or the year after (when the running away from mummy & giving mummy heart attacks & epic tantrums cease )

Yes agreed! We are having the best summer I can remember for a long time, just the three of us.

I do get a bit down when I see all DS's toys in storage but I had a sudden thought this morning...however many DCs you have, you will always have to go through the process of mourning them growing up and out of things. At least with one, you only have to go through that once!

@BooseysMom I’m currently sorting all DD’s outgrown clothes but I don’t get too sad as I sell them on Vinted then use the money to buy lovely new stuff so I just see it as “swapping” for the next size up and I enjoy choosing stuff for her

@GingerBreadTeddy .. that's a really good point! I have been waiting for the NCT to start doing sales again so I have a huge pile of stuff to sell. It doesn't look like they'll be doing them any time soon

I'm an only and my adult dd is an only. Having and being an only is great.

My best friend is an only child and raves about how good it is. She is certainly a hood advert for the benefits of being an only; she is the most confident and mentally healthy person I know. Whereas I have spent many hours of therapy untangling my issues with my siblings!!!

I'm avtually on this forum as I've had a wobble about having an only for the first time ever (dd is 7), but dd has never shown the slightest interest in having a sibling and is as confident as my best friend and able to make friends wherever she goes. I think I'm just mourning her 3,4,5 year old self. I've fallen into wishing I'd had another 3 years ago, but actually, 3 years ago the though of going through the first two years again was as unpalatable to me then as it is now. This thread is reminding me why having one is the best!

Do it. I have two and they constantly fight with each other 😭🙃

I'm avtually on this forum as I've had a wobble about having an only for the first time ever (dd is 7), but dd has never shown the slightest interest in having a sibling and is as confident as my best friend and able to make friends wherever she goes. I think I'm just mourning her 3,4,5 year old self. I've fallen into wishing I'd had another 3 years ago, but actually, 3 years ago the though of going through the first two years again was as unpalatable to me then as it is now. This thread is reminding me why having one is the best!

I know exactly how you feel. I'm always having wobbles like this and it's thanks to this forum that I've got thru them and finally come to the conclusion that one makes most sense. DS never shows any interest in having a sibling so I'm lucky like that. Like you, I'm def mourning the baby and toddler years and even feel like crying if I put Cbeebies on so have to not watch it!

@ValancyRedfern I also have a close friend who is an only child and she is the most mentally stable, content, independent, interesting out of my friends

Thank you for this thread! We have just decided not to have another child and I've been a bit divided, but after reading most of this thread it's really given me a perspective! I agree with so much, and is a lot of the reasoning for us not having any more, but it's so good to hear it from others too, so thank you! 😊

I was thinking about this recently: why is there such a stigma attached to the only child?

Ive always heard people say that somebody is spoilt if they're an only. Or they are lonely or a bit odd

None of it's true. Why is two kids the goal for most people?

My mother in law has finally stopped telling me my child must have a sibling as it's obvious we wont have any more now

@purpletrains I have no idea! But I read (I think earlier on this thread), that's it's becoming more common to have single child families now. Both me and DH are one of four (he's the eldest and I'm the youngest), yes I enjoyed having siblings, but it's only because it's all I've known.

Does anyone else find it is hard to have “joys of one” type conversations in real life? I find that while I know other mums with only children, I’m never sure whether it’s through choice or not and I’m scared of starting a conversation along these lines for fear of upsetting them if perhaps it’s not through choice

@MamaSJ15.. it's nice to hear from you. And just think of the benefits you are doing for the planet too by sticking to one! And no sibling rivalry and easier on the purse strings... a whole easier life! All positives

@GingerBreadTeddy.. That's a very good question and as everyone seems hellbent on having two or more, you're right, there's not many opportunities to talk to people irl about the joys of one. That's why this forum imo is so important

We have an only and it's awesome! He is staring school in Sept so we no longer have to pay a huge nursery bill, we can afford to do whatever we like as it's for more affordable when you only have 1 child. He has private swimming and football lessons, again it's affordable. We can give him our full attention, my husband and I get a good amount of time to ourselves and for each other because its just easier to juggle with only 1 child. Grandparents offer to help and have overnights because having 1 overnight is much easier and manageable compared to 2/3 children. Our boy is happy, confident, polite, sociable and makes friends easily. We often have his friends over for playdates which I love but I also love it when they go home and its calmer 😂 its very common to only have 1 child, most of my friends only have 1 child. I can't see any negatives but just positives to having an only 😁

@purpletrains

Why is two kids the goal for most people

I have no idea. I think it’s just so ingrained in society that people don’t actually stop and think about it. Or maybe the biological urge to reproduce again is just too strong?!

I have a friend who has a child the same age as mine (3.5 ish) and she’s found the whole experience from conception (IVF) to now really, really, really tough (reflux, colic, clingy toddler who hates childcare, terrible sleeper the list goes on). They live in a small cramped house and seem to find life tough yet she was absolutely hellbent on having number 2, and now she’s got number 2 she is struggling even more than before (to the point of being seriously depressed).

I don’t understand it. But each to their own. She’s probably commenting on another thread about how weird I am for settling at one

@Keepitrealnomists.. Excellent! So many positives. Great to hear this.

I think one child families seem to be getting more common.