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One-child families

Got questions about only having one child? Find the answers here.

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Original poster

My child isn't invited to my sisters wedding

78 replies

Kylie89 · 17/05/2021 14:14

Hi there I need some advice on how to handle a family dispute.
My sister has been the bride from hell since she was proposed too 2 years ago. Originally as we don't have a father she asked my
Mother to walk her down the isle. That later changed as my mum 'didn't show off the right impression' so she was replaced by a family friend. This isn't surprising given my mum wasn't the best mum she was a drug addict and had my Nan care for both my sister and I from the age of 10.
The next hurdle... lockdown! she's been restricted to 28 visitors. When this came to light I understood why children were the first to be removed along with partners however only on my sisters side, her partners niece and nephews are all attending. This was a bit to take it but I let it go as I'd already said it was alright prior knowing what her partner was doing. Now fast forward 4 weeks before the wedding and tragically my grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago and I'm utterly heartbroken she not only raised me but saved me from a hellish life with my mother as she did for my sister too. Taking all this into account I had assumed my daughter (my sisters only niece) would take my Nans place if my Nans place was going to be given to someone. I raised this with my sister and she abruptly told me she had given it to someone else. She's not spoken to me since and we have the funeral this week. Now isn't the right time for a family feud but I don't know what to do. We don't have a big family she can count her closest on one hand. I feel completely betrayed like my daughters been kicked to the curb. What to do!

OP posts:

Becstar90 · 17/05/2021 14:21

I wouldn't go

Divineswirls · 17/05/2021 14:26

It's her wedding so she can decide whatever she wants. It's your choice if you want to go or not. I'd go as I be delighted not to have to keep an eye on my DC and just try and enjoy myself as much as possible

Divineswirls · 17/05/2021 14:29

How old is your DD and can she sit quietly for hours.

Equally how old are the nieces and nephews in comparison and behaviour

Original poster

Kylie89 · 17/05/2021 14:38

@Divineswirls

How old is your DD and can she sit quietly for hours. Equally how old are the nieces and nephews in comparison and behaviour

She turns 4 in September and my sister originally planned her to be a flower girl. Her partners niece is 6 and nephews 5,11. A night out is one thing but a wedding should be celebrated with your closest family and given I'm a single parent we kind of come as a team. I've reasonably expressed how I feel about it all and I've just been faced with blunt unapologetic messages.

OP posts:

Embracelife · 17/05/2021 14:38

Don't engage in the drama.
Low numbers good excuse to not go

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 17/05/2021 14:41

I'm all for childfree. But this isnt what she is doing. She is choosing to exclude your dd yet have other (similar aged) children there.

I'd decline the whole invite.

aSofaNearYou · 17/05/2021 14:46

Sorry for your loss. Does she have a close relationship with your DD? I understand if you just don't want to go because of the other issues but I dont agree with your logic that weddings "should" include anyone in particular. The bride and groom should be able to decide how they want the day to be and who with. I don't agree with parents applying pressure and guilt trips about their kids right to be there.

Tambora · 17/05/2021 14:50

How many other relatives have been invited from your side of the family?

Original poster

Kylie89 · 17/05/2021 14:50

I know what her though process is...I've known her long enough, she's thinking a 3 year old child isn't worthy of a place that an adult would be more appreciative of the event and expense

OP posts:

Tambora · 17/05/2021 14:54

Yes, but - how many relatives from your side are actually invited?

ineedaholidayandwine · 17/05/2021 14:54

I wouldn't go, not because it's meant to be child free but because she excluded your child and not others.
Sorry about your Nan OP

TaraR2020 · 17/05/2021 15:07

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Nan, op She sounds like she was a wonderful woman.

I understand why you're hurt, I think most people would be and the hurt is only increased by your sister's stonewalling and lack of empathy.

However, there's nothing really you can so here. I understand your sister's thinking and your dd isn't likely to remember or particularly appreciate the significance of the event. I think you need to take a deep breath and let it go.

It isn't worth damaging your relationship with your sister over, she could have handled the situation better but you have the opportunity to be gracious and I think you should. You've said your piece, move on and focus on enjoying the occasion and celebrating the expansion of your family.

Original poster

Kylie89 · 17/05/2021 15:07

@aSofaNearYou

I get that I'm putting my own opinion and expectations onto someone else's wedding, and this is why I'm torn. I've expressed how I feel and now I have a choice to make regardless of how my sister manages her wedding. I'm not using my child as bargaining chip as far as I'm concerned the damage is already done. However how I handle this will determine how mine and my sisters relationship turns out. As I said we didn't have the greatest upbringing so we are relatively close from what I thought anyway. We've both been through a lot I just thought we were closer than we obviously are

OP posts:

MzHz · 17/05/2021 15:08

I wouldn’t go either.

Sod her.

Original poster

Kylie89 · 17/05/2021 15:10

@Tambora

Yes, but - how many relatives from your side are actually invited?

There are 5 members of her family invited

OP posts:

GintyMcGinty · 17/05/2021 15:26

A 4 year old won't appreciate or enjoy a wedding.

It's your sister's wedding she can invite who she wants.

Don't go if it's such a big deal to you but I think your are imposing your own beliefs on this.

VettiyaIruken · 17/05/2021 15:29

5 members of her family and 23 of his then?

Is this being driven by him?

VettiyaIruken · 17/05/2021 15:31

Or is it equal numbers with friends invited too?

OnlyInYourDreams · 17/05/2021 15:33

I know what her though process is...I've known her long enough, she's thinking a 3 year old child isn't worthy of a place that an adult would be more appreciative of the event and expense well tbh she’s right. But that aside,it was unreasonable to automatically assume that your DD would be invited because your nan no longer was, given you already knew she hadn’t been invited.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 17/05/2021 15:34

@Kylie89

I know what her though process is...I've known her long enough, she's thinking a 3 year old child isn't worthy of a place that an adult would be more appreciative of the event and expense

I have to agree with her thought process tbh.

Janaih · 17/05/2021 15:34

Another vote for not going here.

Warmhandscoldheart · 17/05/2021 15:37

I'm sorry for your loss
What do you think your Nan would say? Would she tell you to go because it's your sister's wedding? Or would she applaud your decision not to go because your DD hadn't received the invite you thought she should have.
As much as I understand why you feel like you do, you either accept your sister's decision or potentially face losing another family member.

entrytohr · 17/05/2021 15:40

My brother had a covid wedding. They'd split the allowed number so my children went, but his wife's nieces and nephews didn't. She has more siblings though and wanted friends there so she sacrificed the children to invite them. I'd ask but with the restrictions covid's posed I wouldn't be too upset about children not being invited. It's not massively pleasant for them atm anyway.

SunflowersAndLavender · 17/05/2021 15:43

Ok, let's try and unravel this. You say they are restricted to 28 guests in total. She has invited 5 family members but how many friends?

Is it possible that they've split it equally, so 14 invitations each and the grooms list just happens to include his niece and nephew because he doesnt have any other adults he'd prefer to take those spaces?

Original poster

Kylie89 · 17/05/2021 15:47

@SunflowersAndLavender

Ok, let's try and unravel this. You say they are restricted to 28 guests in total. She has invited 5 family members but how many friends?

They split the numbers to 14 each and each made their own decision on how to manage their group. He made the choice to include children my sister didn't other than her own however did say should a space become available my daughter could go

OP posts:

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