My child isn't invited to my sisters wedding

[Kylie89]

Hi there I need some advice on how to handle a family dispute.
My sister has been the bride from hell since she was proposed too 2 years ago. Originally as we don't have a father she asked my
Mother to walk her down the isle. That later changed as my mum 'didn't show off the right impression' so she was replaced by a family friend. This isn't surprising given my mum wasn't the best mum she was a drug addict and had my Nan care for both my sister and I from the age of 10.
The next hurdle... lockdown! she's been restricted to 28 visitors. When this came to light I understood why children were the first to be removed along with partners however only on my sisters side, her partners niece and nephews are all attending. This was a bit to take it but I let it go as I'd already said it was alright prior knowing what her partner was doing. Now fast forward 4 weeks before the wedding and tragically my grandmother passed away 2 weeks ago and I'm utterly heartbroken she not only raised me but saved me from a hellish life with my mother as she did for my sister too. Taking all this into account I had assumed my daughter (my sisters only niece) would take my Nans place if my Nans place was going to be given to someone. I raised this with my sister and she abruptly told me she had given it to someone else. She's not spoken to me since and we have the funeral this week. Now isn't the right time for a family feud but I don't know what to do. We don't have a big family she can count her closest on one hand. I feel completely betrayed like my daughters been kicked to the curb. What to do!

I'm so sorry for the loss of your Nan
Also on the loss of your mother to addiction, it must have been and continue to be very difficult.
I think maybe you have tried to cope with your family trauma with initiating closeness and support and unfortunately your sister can't/won't do the same.
I had a fairly average childhood and have a sister 2 years younger. I spent years in our teens and early twenties bailing her out with help,money, support etc.
Then when things were going well for her she would arrange days and nights out/trips away with her friends or our younger siblings.
She wasn't consciously excluding me she just didn't think of me like that. I was for help and support, not fun.
I took a massive step back on the support front, we still have a relationship and get on fairly well.
Mainly because it doesn't bother me anymore when I'm a social afterthought as I stopped putting her ahead of people who treat me better.
I will still help her if necessary but on my own terms and I will ask for help I need also, don't think of it as a one-way street.
I think you should definitely be civil at the funeral, do the minimum necessary at the hen and wedding and then focus on your own friendships.
If your sister isn't going to be there for you, and you can't make her. Then you need to build friendships with people that will.

Kylie89 I don’t think you are as close to your sister as you think you are.
You are the person who is always there to help but not the person to have fun with

I think I would gracefully step down because you don’t want to leave your dd alone after your Nan’s death. I would also not go out of your way to be available and would try to distance yourself from her so you don’t feel used or like you are an after thought in her life and let her work through her friends phase.

It will seems huge thing to do but eventually she will see that friends fall away but only family is constant.
I went to many weddings of friends in my 20s and now don’t know a single person from those times.

If she has invited other children a similar age to your DD then you have every right to be upset and if it was me I wouldn't go.

Who would look after your DD anyway??