What are your reasons for only having one child?

[Kelcat9494]

Hello,

I'm just curious to what people's reasons are: I'm not far along in my pregnancy but I know I only want one and I think my reasons are selfish but also selfless (weird I know): Basically with one child we are in a decent financial position meaning we can go on one/two holidays a year, my child can have their own room and be spoilt in the sense they won't need to share the tv, laptop etc (my husband has two brothers and it gives me nightmares when he tells me they had to share rooms and had to share time on the tv and computer etc), life would be easier with one child, easier to find a sitter if we need one etc (not that I'm going to need a sitter all of the time), raising one child is cheaper. I know people say oh well they can play with a sibling, yeah I get that but they can also play with their friends - this post isn't to offend anyone of course I know some people may only have one due to medical issues and I'm so sorry but what are people's personal choices for only having one?

Exactly the same reasons as you. I simply don’t want another child. Even before I got pregnant, the plan was always for one. I’m an only child, my partner is an only child. We’re both very outgoing people and I can say I had an incredibly happy childhood, lots of friends etc. Small families are what we know and want. Then after I had my DS I definitely knew he would be an only child. I never ever want to be pregnant again, and he is an awesome kid. He eats well, he sleeps well and he’s given us a really easy run. There’s no way that I want or need to upset our family dynamic with the addition of another kid. I just know in my heart of hearts that my family is complete and I couldn’t be happier.

We simply don't want one. We feel our family is complete. I was a very happy only and am looking forward to giving my DD the time and the opportunities I got as a child. I also value my own hobbies and interests and my career and I feel like another child would shift the balance and really reduce our quality of life. Plus I like sleep We've got a easy DC and a good sleeper and I'm not rolling the dice again.

One and done by choice
I simply have no desire to be pregnant, go through birth, new born or toddler again. The whole idea leaves me cold.
DD was a cruisey baby but i still struggled a lot. Truth be told, i only just survived.
DD is happy, healthy, smart 10yr old. We can afford things we never could with 2 or more, holidays, experiences, thats kind of thing.
We all have space in the house. Im regaining me finally now dd is older, i dont feel as drowned
I dont feel she missing out with no sibling, me and my brother are estranged, spoke for first time 3 weeks ago after 15 years no contact. We really only talking for legal reasons regarding my fathers financial affairs, he died 12 years ago.
My dp has 2 brothers, only speaks to 1. We even do separate xmas and easter with inlaws to avoid him

I always thought I'd have 2, however I had a difficult birth, pnd and just could not imagine loving another child as much as the one I already had. I couldn't imagine sharing my time & love with another child.

We have enough money to do things without worrying too much and I love the dynamic our little family of three has. It feels perfect for us and I wouldn't have it any other way.

PND, colic, reflux and a non sleeping baby and no support network did it for me. I couldn't do the first year with a baby again. Annoyingly I found the toddler years a breeze and DS is now a fabulous 4yo but I just couldn't do the baby stage again.

I also had a rubbish childhood with parents who didn't love me and I do love lavishing my attention and affection on DS and not having to share it out :)

Following with interest.

I had 1 when I was a very young student & was on my own, altho I had supportive family, I lived away from home...so things were difficult financially & accommodation unstable etc. I was not going to have more until I got my career going & felt more secure in every way but esp financially. By the time I got there, my DS was well beyond baby stage & I didn't want to go back to babyhood. So I could afford private school fees, his university education & I am still young enough to enjoy my career & now have earnings for myself. I am not at all wealthy but I have no debt except my mortgage. I have friends the same age with teenagers down to small kids & all of it ahead of them now into their 50s & 60s... I never decided only 1 & no more...but I'm glad it worked out that way as I am very happy with the way it worked out. I should say though...there is nothing wrong with sharing a room. Pls don't raise a precious child who turns their nose up at things that are regular for other children.

Older mother when I had my first and just never managed to have another. Biggest regret of my life and I can still get upset about it. Never wanted my child to be an only one. Much too late now. x

Also I don’t think I realised at the time how your fertility can decline after 40. I don’t believe a lot of these celebrity mothers are getting pregnant easily or without donated eggs. Before I’m flayed I know it can happen naturally.

This is very interesting as DH only wants one but I really want 2. He sometimes sells it to me the same reasons you are - more money and so more holidays, trips, expensive hobbies.
But I don't think I'll feel complete until I've had 2!

My baby is due next month and will be an only. It’s because I’m already 40, DH is 43 and it took us a long time and treatment to get pregnant, I can’t see us getting lucky again. We’re neither of us particularly high earners, we have a small house which will be ok with one child but not really with more, and we can afford and save for the future of one child but maybe not more. DH is very happy with one and says he wouldn’t want more and I mostly agree!

I’m not totally at peace with it though. I had much older siblings so grew up a bit like an only and was pretty lonely. Now as an adult I am very close to my older siblings, and to their now adult children too, and having them around has been incredibly important to me. I particularly don’t think I’d have got through my mum’s illness and death (father had died when I was in early 20s) without their support and without them to share the load. My sisters mean the absolute world to me and I’m sad I won’t be giving this baby that. I always imagined having at least 2. But there we are, life has worked out the way it has and it’s a bloody miracle we’re getting to have this baby - they will be very loved. Hopefully my experiences as a ‘sort of but not really’ only will help me prevent this one from the lonelier aspects I felt as a child, and I’m hoping I’ll feel the sense of family completeness that others have talked about.

1.I had an awful pregnancy and labour was traumatic.

2.sleep deprivation.

3.Had ds at nearly 34 and felt I was too old to have another ( personal choice).

I also had a pregnancy scare not long after ds and I was praying the test would be negative so that made my mind up even more.

Had DD at 42 but a horrible pregnancy and traumatic birth. Also put huge strain on my marriage.
DD hates being an only though and constantly wishes she had a sibling

I had my DC at age 17, as an only he got all of my attention, we had a decent amount of money, good holidays, could afford to spoil him a little. He never asked for or wanted a sibling.

DC is 20 now and thriving at uni, and weirdly enough, I'm about to give birth to my second but he will be an 'only' too.

Infertility.

Money.
We can’t afford 2 in nursery and we don’t have time to wait until free hours kick in (I’m 42, DH 47).

We conceived easily when I was 40, almost 41. Easy pregnancy and birth. I’d do it again in a heartbeat. But there’s just no way to find another £1k a month.
DH is happy with one, I’m a little sad but reconciled to it.

I've never really understood the appeal of having more than one child (who would want more than one DH ?), I find being a parent quite emotionally draining, my DS is 19 now, & I've always needed a lot of 'time to myself' and just couldn't imagine raising more than one child.

You read so many posts on here where people say they are struggling with parenting, with balancing work/life, DHs who don't pull their weight, money problems etc etc,

I have made conscious choices to keep my life as stress free as possible and one of those choices was to just have one child. A current thread on here really shocks me where a mumsnetter is not allowed any time alone ... that would be horrendous for me.

I loved being pregnant and When I was still pregnant I really wanted to do it again.
But now 3 years on

• I don’t want to give birth again
• I don’t want to pay for a child to be put in private nursery again and other financial reasons similar to what you have mentioned
• I hated being on maternity leave
• it put a strain on my marriage
• sleep deprivation

So lots of reasons but I’m still a bit sad about it but definitely not sad enough to do it again.

I am the same as you Ragwort. I need a lot of time alone and don't cope well with stress. I wouldn't cope with sibling fighting, bickering etc at all.

Mainly illness. I became ill during pregnancy and was on bed rest, and then I got diagnosed with a serious chronic illness when DS was four months old.

I can barely cope looking after him really so it'd be madness to have another. He goes to nursery and I don't work as I can't look after him very well especially with physical stuff. No family nearby and DH works long hours.

Not how I envisaged it but I'm grateful for what I have. I'm close to my brother but DH is one of six and only speaks to two of them.

My DS is 6 now, he was and still is quite a difficult child. When he was first born he was a poor sleeper and generally not happy due to a milk allergy, i had terrible pnd. As he was getting older i thought it would be nice for him to have a sibling so we tried again, after a while i became pregnant but due to the worst prenatal anxiety and depression whilst pregnant i terminated my pregnancy at 9 weeks, something i will regret for the rest of my life. I quite literally lost my mind and couldn't get control of it so the only way to keep my head safe was to end the pregnancy. It has been a couple of years now and although it will always be there i am trying to move on. Sometimes i look at my son and feel so guilty for what i did but he will be my only now and i will give him the best life i can.

Fate, DS was pregnancy no. 4. Two more mc later and I realised I couldn’t keep trying as it wasn’t fair on the one I had or me. All my mc needed medical intervention each time I’d be in for scans followed by surgery and it wasn’t to be.

Three miscarriages after DD. Given my age (40) and the likelihood of having a successful pregnancy now am settling myself for all your reasons OP. We can afford private school for one, holidays etc. It's not a bad outcome to have one wonderful DD. I have two siblings, I speak to one and the other was abusive to me (police involvement etc) and while I have a good relationship with the former I wouldn't say they were a huge part of my life

Two reasons for us. Firstly it might not happen easily, I had to have treatment for our DD but it did work very quickly and at the first stage so I'd be amazed if that happened again. Secondly, I honestly don't think our marriage would survive another. We had ten years together before DD and were quite independent of each other. Adjusting our lives and coming together has been harder than we both expected but we feel with one DD we can make this work happily. Adding any more will change our lives too much. I appreciate how selfish that sounds but I'd rather acknowledge it than pretend it won't happen!