What are your reasons for only having one child?

[Kelcat9494]

Hello,

I'm just curious to what people's reasons are: I'm not far along in my pregnancy but I know I only want one and I think my reasons are selfish but also selfless (weird I know): Basically with one child we are in a decent financial position meaning we can go on one/two holidays a year, my child can have their own room and be spoilt in the sense they won't need to share the tv, laptop etc (my husband has two brothers and it gives me nightmares when he tells me they had to share rooms and had to share time on the tv and computer etc), life would be easier with one child, easier to find a sitter if we need one etc (not that I'm going to need a sitter all of the time), raising one child is cheaper. I know people say oh well they can play with a sibling, yeah I get that but they can also play with their friends - this post isn't to offend anyone of course I know some people may only have one due to medical issues and I'm so sorry but what are people's personal choices for only having one?

@EvieBoo2.. Sorry to hear of your hyperemesis and the brain anomaly and subsequent tmfr. You must have gone through hell. I'm so sorry. There's no need to blame yourself though, you know? Like you say, we make decisions based on our current situation as we can't predict what might happen. That's how I'm going to try to think from now on.
So I'm feeling like I've been hit by a truck today but am gradually getting some strength back and am out of bed ..hurrah!! Still can't eat much. It's crazy to think this is all caused by the period!
I have explained my symptoms to the gp and they prescribed anti depressants but I don't want to take them. I want to see if the Mirena coil helps but they won't do anything due to covid and i dread every period. I haven't been on any contraception for years as we were ttc but now I'm 48 I'm going to have to give up the dream of another dc and it's the hardest door to close.

BooseysMom thank you, yes it was the hardest time I have ever been through. I'm glad you are feeling a little stronger today. It's a shame all the Dr can offer is antidepressants. I wish there was more help available for women approaching the menopause. I've certainly been feeling bad around my period for the last 2 years, with headaches, stomach aches, irritability and depression. I feel like as they are "women's problems" it's harder to get help.
Have you considered grief counselling? We are sufferering a loss of sorts, the ability to have another baby. I'm on a list for general counselling, but I was warned it could take up to a year to get to start it. I'm sure that was over a year ago though, so I must chase it up. Feel free to send me a personal message if you want to. I understand how you feel. Take care xx

Hi Booseysmom, I have been following this topic for a bit now and I have read your story. I'm 42 in August and have a 5 year old, I just wanted to say I feel your pain and heartbreak. As the other OP says we do what is right for us at the time as we dont know what the future has in store for us. I will encourage my daughter once she is old enough to have more than one child. Truly I would expect her to have a partner and children of her own. My family will grow. It may seem our children are on their own now but it will be different when they have their own lives. I still recognize the agony of accepting my child will be an only.

Pregnancy and birth was a nightmare that I don’t want to repeat. My body had been damaged enough from one child without making it worse by having another. I would like a second child but I’m not willing to go through that physical suffering again.

@EvieBoo2.. thank you. I had saw a lady gp today and she has prescribed hrt. My BP was high but went down again. I am worried about the cancer risk but she said it's very low. DM had breast cancer but she never had hrt or anything. I
Yes I had counselling years ago but found it ineffective tbh. It wasn't grief counselling though. It can depend on whether you gel with the counselor. Didn't realise the waiting list is a year!
Thank you for saying I can PM. I will do that . x

@Extrahotcoffee.. thank you for your post.
It's kind of comforting to know I'm not alone in feeling this way. I just blame myself all the time as it was always me reluctant to try. We were never in a secure situation..we are more secure now but I'm too old! Sods law!
I will also encourage DS to have more than one but who knows whether he'll listen to me!
Being older scares me too as I worry he'll have the burden of us old growing old. But then I think of my DF who I have the burden of looking after and my DB does bugger all!
So I am feeling more positive and can see things more clearly now that fog has lifted.