Only child, lonely child?

[SpottySocks29]

Hi guys,

I'm looking for reassurance here and I'm sure you can offer it to me. I'm pregnant with my first and we don't plan to have anymore children after this.

Someone mentioned to me an only child is a lonely child and it has stuck in my head and makes me sad to think my child could grow up feeling this way... can anyone reassure me please.

Lowdoorinthewal1 yes similar age bracket. I never understand big age brackets between sibling. I know there is reasons for this. But ideally they would be similar age bracket, no?

DH was one of five all within 5 years of one another (multiple birth in the mix) and very definitely wanted his own child to be an only, so it would seem not always ideal, no.

5 children is alot. I'm really not surprised he wanted his own space with 5 of them.
I'm talking about a sibling not a football team.

It's on holiday and away from home that siblings close in age come into their own in a day to day basis. At home the kids all have their own friends. Away from home they hang out together.

Mind you even in that context some siblings fight more and age gaps have to be very small for it to work. My eldest is 5 years older than my youngest (3 kids) and they are not peers - she likes "looking after" him, helping him, teaching him stuff but he doesn't always want that. They get on great and I don't think they have ever argued or fought because they are too far apart to have that bickery sibling vibe, but that also means that they are not exactly playmates (though they are company for one another and like being together).

Middle one has more of a peer relationship with both siblings but even the 3 year gap from him to dc3 means only some games work together. DC2 is big, strong and athletic and dc3 is also sporty but a bit on the skinny side and average height for his age - this means that despite the 3 year gap they are more like 5 years apart when it comes to dc2s favourite outdoor pass-times and still not much use as "ready made playmates".

My eldest two who are barely 2 years apart were absolutely inseperable until eldest was about nine, and absolutely were playmates and besties (they used to tell strangers they were twins, as they have hovered at roughly the same height since they were 4 and 6). That was lovely, but they've grown apart since eldest (the only girl) approached puberty, started secondary etc.

I like having a house full of kids and it makes it easier as a parent to go on holiday or for days out when they have siblings to play with, but it's only for a few short years that they're playmates, and even then only with the right mix of personalities and ages.

I hated my closest in age, same sex sibling growing up but I think that had a lot to do with incompatible personalities and how we were parented, especially the fact that I was always expected to take responsibility for her happiness and social life and to be the one rising above and turning the other cheek in arguments, disagreements and fights because of being older.

Onlies need thoughtful parenting but so do siblings.

Greenday you seem to have VERY prescriptive ideas about what works. If you have two same sex siblings 18months apart who are best friends, and that's exactly what you always wanted, then that is lovely for you.

How about accepting that other things work for other families though?

Lowdoorinthewal1 there really is no wright or wrong way. They all have pros and cons. Just what works best for you or what you want I suppose.

I think it's utter rubbish.

Someone said this to me too once which I thought was so rude although to be fair she didn't know i am not able to have a second child.

My daughter is 11 now and she is the most sociable kind child I've ever met. I'm not being biased people say it to me all the time. I think it may be partly thanks to being an only child, she's always loved school and socialising and she is never lonely because she has so many friends.

I used to worry that she would turn out to be selfish and spoiled but she is the opposite. My uncle (by marriage) is in his 70s and he's honestly one of the loveliest people you could ever meet and the opposite of the stereotype of an only child.

I have two siblings. I don't get on with either of them and I felt extremely lonely as a child, despite having siblings.

I think the main thing that helped my daughter was taking her to playgroups and things at the library where she would be around other kids from a really young age.

Don't worry it will be just fine

The spoiled/self centres people I know have been the family favourites or the over-indulged kids in the family (i.e. over siblings). None of them single children.

I have a 6yr old only and she sure isn’t lonely! We have a great time with her and as a family. We see her cousins almost every other weekend. She has lots of friends. She and I love to do activities together!

Not read the whole thread, but as a 2nd child married to a 2 child, I can say that it's always lovely to know you were born to keep the first child occupied and to be their playmate....or to help them deal with their parents' death......

Have another if you want another child. Don't have one to give the first a playmate.

Have just read through the whole thread... .They're on their own when it matters, in the evenings, weekends, holidays, Christmas morning - the 'key' moments.

She isn’t on her own - she is with us! Tonight after school we did reading, made dinner together, ate dinner, did craft, she had a bath, I read her a story and we had a chat before she went to bed... Not lonely! Last birthday we went away in our caravan for the weekend and she had prezzies and pancakes in bed, we went out swimming, had lunch out and had a family party with grandparents, aunt and cousins.... Not lonely!

For Xmas we have a lovely Xmas eve ritual with a film, popcorn, stocking hanging etc.. On Xmas morning we do prezzies and a fry up. We then pop over to family (with all the new toys Sandra brought) for a big dinner and more prezzies and we all have a sleepover... not lonely.

I am neither infertile nor old and unwilling to change my lifestyle. I like having an only and she likes being one!

DS age13 is definitely not lonely. He's popular at school with a large group of friends, plenty of invitations to sleepovers, parties etc. He has played one sport for 8 years now at the same club and I credit them with providing him a bonus 'community family'. He has cousins we see but they all live more than an hour away, usually see them xmas day though.

We recently went on holiday and I was encouraging him to talk /play water polo with other boys of a similar age in the swimming pool but he wasn't bothered. He is sociable but he just wanted quiet downtime with us, and that was an option as an only ;)

Lots of single children around now.

Not healthy at all!

STarU What basis is there to your comment ?

In 2016 the average number of children per woman was 1.81. That rate hasn't been above 2 since the early 1970's, so I'd say it was fairly steady since the baby boom.

STarU What basis is there to your comment

They're just being a goady fucker. Ignore.

Shut up star you sound pathetic. A family is a family doesn't matter what size it is

My DS9 is an only child. He is more than happy to be an only child, he doesn't get lonely because he doesn't know any other life. He is always allowed friends round/go to friends houses whenever he feels like it. And he has all our attention. He is not selfish/demanding/rude like some people would like you to believe only children our and he is incredibly grateful to have the lifestyle he does because he is an only child.

I am an only and it has been a bit lonely for me -Through I also find it very hard to make friends and only see relatives my age a few times a year. Parents don't have any friends they socialise with and consciously did not want to become close to my classmates parents.