Tea Room the Nineteenth

[amberlight]

All in need of a restful break and a chat are more than welcome to the nineteenth Tea Room.

We find ourselves in the South of France, where the warm sunshine is just the thing for those who are missing the summer. The tea room has its aga and its distressed chintz sofa...and its potted plants. The usual fictional tea room inhabitants are here, as ever: Mellors, the gardener/handyperson with the handy ways with massage; the collection of tea room animals including the horses, camel, bison, guineapigs and sundry others; the Bishops and other faith leaders who joined us a while back and potter in for the occasional cuppa. It may not make sense, but that's not important. What matters is the lovely people here and the chance to just relax.

Tea, dh and I are useless at going out together, and tbh he never expects me to look after the house, but the one thing we do do is either go to bed together at a time when both are awake enough to chat, or he puts me to bed (I need far more sleep) and we cuddle and chat for 15 minutes. It gives us some real together time

Fingers crossed for you JM

Had nerve conduction tests this morning - only one sensory nerve damaged, but that will take 18 months to mend if ever. But others ok, so obv just annoyed still and will recover. Phew. Lack of finger movement therefore structural

MrThumb and I don't do romantic well - we both laugh too much for it. We talk a lot though, mostly about his work - he can't say he doesn't get listened to! We always have our evening meal together too, sat at the table - admittedly miniTHumb is also eating there but he doesn't seem to impact on our time that heavily, IMO.

Tea - I think the others have given you good advice there. But, however right he might be, Beer sounds like a whiny big baby. Mind you, MrThumb does similar - "you never scratch my back/rub my feet/ let me lay on you like you used to" - well no - I now have a 2-nearly-3yo who wants all that too and he gets first dibs, sorry! [note: no one ever offers to do it for me...]

We need MIL for "us time" - she has babysat for us a few times and it is quite amusing when we go out just the two of us! But we don't feel like it makes a major difference to us - but then we're probably just strange.

CMOTD - that sounds like quite good news!

JBM - hope the op goes well and you recover quickly :) and that your renovations are finished on time and in budget.

Catita - how nice to see you :)

Hmm. I wasn't going to say this, but Thumb has (once again) made me bolder.

Tea - I may have got this completely wrong, but it does sound as if Beer is laying a big guilt thing on you - "I feel neglected and gloomy and it's your fault". Oxeye's and Catita's tips for domestic harmony are excellent and I am resolved to follow them myself, but that does not mean that I will take on all the responsibility for the SmallBloke's wellbeing, just as I do not expect him to take responsibility for mine. It isn't healthy, I think, to be so dependent on another and it is wrong to suggest to them that one is. Women (in particular) are burdened enough with expectations without having to 'fix' the people around them. When my mojo went missing, I forced myself to do various things to retrieve it, but I did not expect SmallBloke to retrieve it for me. Ultimately, I believe, we all (as long as we are reasonably fit and healthy) have to take responsibility for our own wellbeing and act accordingly.

Tea, Above tips all sound good. We don't manage them, but then M.Serpent doesn't actually want to spend time with me away from his precious daughter.
I am sure that everyone is right that you are not responsible for Beer's wellbeing .... but I have to differ, in saying that, although it is maybe not your job, you are probably the one who will need to do it. Beer is no doubt not being difficult for the sake of it - I think he is expressing how he feels, and that is genuine. Not that he genuinely feels like not coming home to you, I think that is probably just being sorry for himself and grumpy, but maybe down and miserable?
However, we all know that I am pretty rubbish at managing our relationship ... that being said, we have now had months of happy harmony here ...
I read a book once, about child behaviour, where they had a tip about husband managing; it was to make sure that you have at least one hug and give one compliment every day. Maybe it would work better on husbands other than mine ...
I have lost my google toolbar with spellchecker again, hence spelling mistakes.
And I can't find my way back to the Other Place - please help!

Progress...the website owner of the Site Elsewhere has just looked at the Equality Act and had one of those moments, followed by a mad scramble to delete off things that cause an intimidating environment for people with a disability. He's actually been lovely about it.

Tea, I'm sort of thinking like SmallBunch - I suspect you have very good reasons for needing some love and care yourself. And housework isn't the death of a relationship - he can surely help out with that himself too from time to time. My dh is disabled and works full time but he still does half the housework with me, bless him. (Sometimes in very unusual ways, but nevermind).
I have not the slightest idea what to suggest other than that, which probably isn't very helpful.

Found the Other Place.

Why oh why do they fight it so much?!

Sorry I've not been around for a bit. Busy work and home. Stressed at home because Dh has been offered what should be a good contract - verbally - and has turned down another contract that he got offered - actually - on the back of it - but he would have started that 2nd contract 3 wks ago.

Tea - I think you've been given some good suggestions. Dh and I actually managed our 2nd meal out in 2 years together last week - it was really nice, and we should definitely do it a bit more. I do, however, object to the fact that, when we were getting home at the same time from work with mistlechick, I would do tea for mc, bath for him - dh would change, 'read' (in the smallest room) and, if I was lucky, have made some start on supper. Currently, if I get home at a similar time and dh has picked up mc (he's not working - so it means I can stay later at work that way) somehow there's an immediate passover of care duties - and, yes, you guessed it - I get tea eaten and do bathtime - while he has a 'read' !!! (angry) I actually think its our biggest bone of contention - the fact that any 'reading' needs to be done in the small room - which, in my mind - has one purpose and that should be kept to as short a duration as sensible....

JM - hoping all goes well - and looking forward to hearing what the result from silly-person in the office will be...

CMot - pony envy - although not pony expense envy! The riding school I went to had all the ex-pony club ponies that the owner's daughter had had (so they were really rather good riding school ponies!). One was a rocking horse look alike - apart from the wall-eye - complete with beautiful dapples... However, if I ever contemplated a pony for mistlechick, it would be like the thelwell lookalike called 'Percy' that the owner's daughter broke - beautiful bright bay, perky little ears, dished face... good thing he was gelded though, otherwise the palamino pony called Pussy Willow would have been having Percy Willows...

Amber - will catch up on other site - but can you make use of this blanket in the priest's hole - and would you like another cuppa?

A cuppa would be great. Anyone else for one?

AMber, since I am not on the other site I cannot offer more help but send me a private message if you like, glad things are on the move

THumb - I read your hopes for JM's house decoration as veiled compliments for her ragged bits!

Re husbands - I don't know whether Beer falls into the kick in the pants category or not, but I do feel that we I certainly don't take as much care of my DH or his relationship since Oxboy came along. Not intentionally but as Thumb says, the desire to hug and back rub etc wanes when you have had 24 hours of physical mauling love from the DC

WHile of course Small's advice is admirable and correct about retaining self reliance, at the same time partnership is just that, and we are entiteld to rely on our partner smetimes, if we need help and care who else can we turn to? It's a tough one. I certainly know that my ability ot help OXBloke when his father died was very diminished compared to how I would have reacted 5 years ago....

Mistle - lovely to see you!

Roslily are you there and ok?

Mistle - still working on your parcel! Lovely to see you.

Good to see you, Mistle.

Oxeye - Nor do I disagree about being a partnership and needing to nurture the relationship. Even so, I do still feel that there is a world of difference between being a supportive partner and being one on whom all the other person's problems are dumped, waiting for a solution. It's the difference between mutual support and co-dependence, I think. I am not for a moment saying that that is Tea's situation, but I have seen friends being run ragged by partners who expect not just love and support (to which they are entitled) but also ongoing psychodrama and counselling (which (in my view) they are not entitled to expect from a partner and, besides, any well-intentioned partner trying to act as amateur counsellor is likely to end up out of their depth and needing support themselves).

Amber - will send a message, ahem, elsewhere.

'ere, there's no shortbread on my saucer

What's this I see....a trail of tiny footprints leading away from the saucer towards the Aspidistra?

WE HAD A STEP!

And DH is away overnight for work, so I had to settle with texting him the news.

Yay Scout! Way to go, BabyScout! Access all areas.

Wheeee!!!!!!! Congrats!

One small step for BabyScout, lots more running around now for Scout. I'm hoping maybe he'll start demonstrating steps regularly while we're in the States -- I would LOVE for my parents to be there for his first unstable tottles.

Poor BabyScout is SOOO tired after an almost completely napless day. And then he had a big air-bubble stuck. And I think his teeth are bothering him. He's miserable and tucked up into a very early bed. Well, not too early as we usually start 6 for 6:30 and he's just burped (I do mean BURPED like I haven't heard from him in ages) and settled at 5:45. I also wondering if he's gearing up for a spurt -- he's been a piglet the last few days.

amber, I really have nothing to add on top of what all of these wonderful ladies have said (here and on the other site) other than what I have said before -- people are stupid.

tea, I agree that someone shouldn't depend on someone else for all of their happiness. While MrScout and I haven't had much "together" time since the birth of BabyScout, we do chat when he comes home from work and/or when we're getting ready for bed. Often we sit together watching cheesie tv. Not very exciting, but it works for us. We're still going out, and doing what we did pre-BabyScout, but now we take his needs into account. We also both still have our extra-curricular activities (Guides, governors, etc). I wouldn't want him to be completely reliant on me and I don't think he'd want me to be 100% reliant on him.

How are you feeling, JB?

Hi MT!

Would anyone like some chocolate chipper?

Unis spots teh aspidistra now has a fortification of what appear to be shortbread fingers around its pot. The nmbs have also stockpiled teeny tiny rock buns in there and there is spoon and some elastic bands... what are they up to now?

WHos been threatening teh Aspidistra then??

Blimey its long and dull drive to Worcestershire. Thanks to DH knackering his back I had to take boy up there on my own yesterday for neices birthday party. Boy and I are not morning people so leaving home at 7.30 am was VERY hard.

What is chocolate chipper? does it go with a cuppa? if so, yes please ( I think).

off to make clotted cream ice cream in RL soon. shop had CC VERY reduced to clear.

Chocolate chip cookie, usually of the homemade variety. And yes, goes nicely with a cuppa.

After the guinea-pig-on-the-xylophone incident, I fiynd AP's old wooden recorder, which is very beautiful. I played a couple of tunes from Wriggle's nursery rhyme book and she 'wished I can do that'. We tried a small recorder, but all she could do was spit in it and squeak. I know many of you are musical - what do you think about starting with a four hole ocarina?

Am not very musical, but am a veteran of recorders of varying sizes (mine) and ocarina and recorder (SmallGirl's). I'm not sure that SmallGirl gained anything from learning the ocarina first as, after all, the recorder fingering is completely different. I suspect that persevering with the recorder as we did at primary school [in the 1850s], possibly just doing the left hand, might be just as good. Although, of course, we were older when we started.

If you do acquire an ocarina, check the tuning. SmallGirl had a cheapy plastic number provided by the school. I bought another one because she was struggling and wanted to help her - think ocarina duets by the fireside - and discovered too late that it was tuned to a different scale or, rather, did not seem to be tuned at all as playing what would have been a scale on the school ocarina just produced a series of squawks.

Well done UniS on managing the long drive. I would have wimped out.

I heartily agree Scout with your wise words.
Go ocarina. It helps to be able to make music. Especially for one of Wriggles independent mien. The change of fingers for recorder will just be different learning. Otoh we have just done getting used to recorder and penny whistles. We did get a ukelele because it's only four strings and easier to get hands round though different fingering from guitar

yeah to teeny first steps xx