Only child mum and dad

[Yarnie]

This is probably not the correct forum, but I thought I'd try posing my question here...

My husband and I are both only children and we have a 19 month old DS and I am pregnant with number 2.

We both have fears that we will not be able to do the best by our children in terms of supporting their sibling relationship, because we have no experience of being a sibling.

Do you think it is harder if mum and dad are only children themselves?

Hi Yarnie

I had the same query and posted it here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/680309-Any-only-children-with-more-than-one-DC-How-does

Got some quite reassuring replies. I think it all depends on the siblings, really...

ny-only-children-with-more-than-one-DC-How-does

Do you necessarily have to have had experience(s) to qualify you to do all the things that you do in life? I don't think so.

I'd never been married before, neither had my DH, but we're making a pretty good job of it so far.

I'm not quite sure I understand what "supporting their sibling relationship" means anyway.

I should think that as long as you encourage them to me kind to one another and and love one another you won't go far wrong.

Both my parents were only children. For me this has had several unfortunate consequences.

Firstly of course, we have no aunts, uncles or cousins, although I feel fortunate to have 3 siblings.

Secondly our parents were unable to understand sibling dynamics; they were very intolerant of squabbling whereas I think it is beneficial (up to a point) in helping children learn how to resolve differences.

Even into adulthood mum and dad never emphasised the importance of the sibling relationship, in preparation for when they are both gone. My sister was judged to be a bad influence on me and persuaded to leave the family home at the earliest opportunity. She had just turned 18 and I was 7. I have barely had contact with her and my eldest brother since - my efforts to get in touch have not been reciprocated in 20 years & I don't really know them. I believe a reproachful, "Make sure you send your younger siblings a Christmas card" or, "Why haven't you given them a call?" from our parents now and again were missed opportunities to foster those relationships.

My mother appears to prefer sons to daughters, and I think she is jealous that my next brother and I are confidantes. She feels left out.

Short on relatives I have had 4 children too. They are close in age and indoctrinated with the mantra, "Friends will come and friends will go but you're always going to be brothers and sisters so you might as well get along". Sometimes when they prefer each others' company to time with me I get a bit miffed, but really I am v happy for them.

The key is probably not to underestimate the strength of sibling relationships compared to parent-child ones. Its lovely to observe.

My mum and dad are both onlies and I don't think that it's caused any issues for myself or my brother.

I don't think you need to 'support their sibling relationship' in any active way. All children are different anyway so even if you did have siblings of your own, it wouldn't necessarily give you any great insight into the sibling relationship of your children.