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Original poster

Any only children with more than one DC? How does it feel?

25 replies

lucysnowe · 09/01/2009 10:51

Hi all

I grew up an only child, and really loved the closeknit mummy-daddy-baby dynamic. Now DH and I are thinking about having another baby, and I do want one, but am worried I won't be able to cope emotionally with four of us in the family - that I'll only love one or freak out about arguments etc etc. How do other onlies who've become parents cope?

OP posts:
Mamita · 09/01/2009 13:26

I'm an only too - I have a DD of 8 and DS of nearly 2. Before DS was born I was worried that I couldn't possibly love another child as much as my DS, a fear partly I think from having never seen my parents love another child except for me.

But of course I needn't have worried. When DS was born it was like a door opened up inside of me letting out a load of new love just for him, and taking nothing away from the huge affection I have for my daughter.

We've been lucky - both children have very jolly temperaments and really hit it off right from the start (she was the first person to make him smile)

I imagine I shall probably make some wrong 'only' assumptions in my parenting of two children, but I'll just have to try and do the best job I can.

Go for it - it'll be fun (and that's from the mum of a boy who has never slept through in 2 years!)

bloss · 09/01/2009 13:42

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MotherFlippin · 09/01/2009 13:45

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MotherFlippin · 09/01/2009 13:46

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glitteryprincess · 09/01/2009 13:50

I'm an only and to be honest the only thing that I find difficult is how to deal with their squabbling. With no experience of this kind of thing growing up it's hard to judge sometimes what is normal and when one of them is going too far IYSWIM.
On the plus... side money can't buy the feeling you get from seeing them playing together, laughing hysterically at something or snuggled up watching tv. During these moments I see what I never had and it makes me glad that they have eachother.

bobblehat · 09/01/2009 13:56

I'm an only with 2 ds's. I loved being an only and really worried about dealing with 2. But, with ds 1 nearly 7 and ds 2 nearly 4 it's brilliant. It's lovely to see the relationship they have with each other and I hope they will always be as close.

Nemoandthefishes · 09/01/2009 13:58

Dh is an only and we have 3 dc with another on the way. I know he struggles a lot with noise and fighting and also finds it hard to handle all the children[however they are all very young at the moment] where I am used to the noise and fighting as was 1 of 3.

numptysmummy · 09/01/2009 14:01

I was an only child and i have 4 dc. Not because i was unhappy as an only,just wanted a big family. The fighting,noise etc doesn't bother me tbh. I think it either gets to you or it doesn't regardless of if you had siblings.

Flyonthewindscreen · 09/01/2009 14:01

I'm an only child (hated it) and chose to have 2 DCs fairly close in age as a result. I love the fact that they have each other and haven't found my lack of experience as a sibling a problem. You will have plenty of love for another child and yes they will argue sometimes and it will be tedious but I would much rather that than a "lonely only" whose friends have gone home and only has adults for entertainment imo...

belcantwait · 09/01/2009 14:03

i am an only child and have 3 dc. i would like more tbh. the only thing i find hard is understanding how they might feel sharing us and their things etc. which obv i never had to do.

numptysmummy- not seen you for a while. how are yoou??

Fimbo · 09/01/2009 14:06

I am an only child and to this day feel smothered by my parents.

My dd was an only until she was 5.5 and I very much enjoyed only having 1 child up to that point. She is now 10.5 and ds has just turned 5. I like the age gap between them and they both had time on their own with me as babies. Plus 90% of the time they do get on well together.

numptysmummy · 09/01/2009 14:06

I'm good,you? Thought you had disappeared! Although i thought i saw you the other day but it looked like the you i knew from school,not the new you. If you know what i mean!!

bigTillyMint · 09/01/2009 14:09

KamR, you sound like me!

I hated being an only, and my DC are 18mths apart. I would have had more if I was younger, and could persuade DH (one of 3), but am very happy with 2.

I never felt part of a family as my parents divorced when I was about 10, but it had been bad for many years before that. Also my mother is not the most warm and affectionate person around. I spent most of my time at other friends houses, loving the busy-ness and activity, etc.

PrimulaVeris · 09/01/2009 14:14

I'm an only with 2 dc. Determined not to let my eldest be an only.

Liked the idea of having more but practicalities and reproductive age caught up with me!

bitsnbobs · 09/01/2009 14:39

I am an only too with two ds's. I hated having no brothers and sisters and love seeing ds's together playing, chatting to each other in bed at night,joining in games together and generally having each other there.However the downsides are the constant squabbling! And Ds1 is a lot more introverted than ds2 and sometimes wants time on his own which I can understand as an only. I need more space to be by myself than a lot of my friends who have children.I would have found it easier with just the one but I am glad ds has a brother in the long term.

belcantwait · 09/01/2009 14:44

numptysmummy- ooh no, not really sure i do know what you mean really! maybe it was one of the dc you saw and not me and thats why i looked about 6???? am fine thanks. meant to be working but noone about so am being paid to MN. hard life eh?! lost your phone number again- sorry am so crap. HIJACK OVER- v sorry!

bigTillyMint · 09/01/2009 15:01

Bitsnbobs, unluckily my DC don't like playing on their own, so if one is out, the other gets bored easily

But then I don't find I need much time on my own - I prefer to be with others too.

Original poster
lucysnowe · 09/01/2009 15:25

Thanks for the replies! Didn't know there were so many onlies out there.

It's hard, I suppose I was spoilt for affection when I was little and I feel a bit possessive now about the relationship between me and DD. I take all your points tho. You always hear about siblings squabbling or ignoring each other and nothing about the good parts to the relationship.

Do you ever look at your DCs and think - ah, so that's what its like to have a sister/brother? Does it make you miss what you never had?

OP posts:
bigTillyMint · 10/01/2009 09:39

Yes

As I said, I always wanted siblings and a proper family

LynetteScavo · 10/01/2009 09:45

I'm not an only - but my siblings are all much older than me.

I don't cope atall well with thier sibling arguments, and it absolutely turns my stomach if they hurt each other. - Because I was so much younger than my siblings, they were only ever kind to me.

DH on the other hand has a sister 4 years older than him, and thinks siblings poking each other in the eye is perfectly normal behaviour.

On the other hand, I am stunned to realise that DS1 would give his life for DS2, despite constantly saying haow much he can't stand him.

I find the whole sibling thing very wierd.

fatzak · 10/01/2009 09:50

Another only one here and I'm so glad that my DSes have each other. I do sometimes look at how close they are and wonder what it would have been like to have that friendship

gremlindolphin · 10/01/2009 18:15

I am a very happy only and now have two dds, I think their relationship is amazing and feel priviledged to have seen the start of it. Most of the time they are lovely together (if very noisy!) They do fight but its fine.

The only time I have really missed siblings is now ie as parents age etc but other than that I have enjoyed the relationship with my parents.

If this is the only worry you have re: having another child then I'd say go for it!

Lotstodo · 10/01/2009 20:05

I was an only child. When I met my partner who has three siblings, I found it difficult to accept, for instance, that a camera that we wanted to use couldn't be used on that occasion as he had bought it jointly with his sister and it was her turn to use it and she was going to a wedding. I found it strange that they would even want to buy a camera together and that he just accepted that his sister wanted to use it and, therefore, was unable to. I was used to my own personal possessions being mine and my own space. I did say to him once that when they both left home, who would have the camera and he thought I was nuts for even thinking that about a camera.

However, I have more than one child and they naturally just know how to share and are very unselfish - my difficulties still lie with the fact that they don't take much pride in their possessions and will borrow each others things without permission and never have a problem with this but because, when I was a child, I kept my things immaculate and had never had to share with siblings. I was not a spoilt child though but I just valued what I had and took care of my things.

benandoli · 10/01/2009 22:15

I am an only and so is my husband, we have three children and seeing their relationship with each other is amazing. Also now I really wish I had siblings to share having children with so hopefully my children will have this.

Original poster
lucysnowe · 12/01/2009 13:48

This is all very reassuring.  

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