Fallen out with babies nursery - do I remove DD?

[Rainbows08]

DD is only 1 year old and been in nursery for 3 months now.

Me and DH have at times not been happy with the way they have dealt with some things and send DD home at the tiniest of inconvenience (we have found this also seems to be linked to when not all staff turn up to work….)

Last week the nursery manager called me and basically spoke to me like a piece of sh*t - like I don’t know my child and I’m not a good parent as I haven’t come to pick her up for a nothing problem (baby has a cold but is fine)

The way she spoke to me was awful and ruined my day, colleagues even commented that they noticed I was quiet that day. I feel really angry about the way she spoke to me like I was some stupid little girl (I’m 38…) - since she has called about other things and I refuse to pick the phone up and let her speak to DH.

In short, should I remove my DD from this nursery? It makes me question whether they are actually nice people and if my DD is in safe hands?

So you refuse to pick your baby up when they called you as she was ill, but to you it was only a slight cold and your are blaming the nursery? Yes babies and children pick all manner of things up from nurseries/schools but it is parents like you still sending theirs in that spreads it!!
If they have staffing issues then that would be another reason to collect as legally they have to work to child/staffing ratios and as yours is a baby it's 1/3. If it's regularly happening I would be questioning whether it is a suitable nursery for mine though.

You haven't said what the manager actually said in the above?

Yes, if you can't have open communication with the people taking care of her, remove her.

Friends daughters both working at different nurseries their hours became too erratic. It was either don't come in or panic call come in now.

They've moved on from childcare

@Rainbows08 there’s 2 issues here :

1. Nursery asking you to collect baby for illness. Every nursery has its own sickness policy. I do think a cold is a bit silly. completely understand fever and have heard from friends that some settings can be strict on episode of vomiting / diarrhoea. Perhaps this could be something you could look into - if the policy doesn’t say explicitly children get sent home for a cold then you could easily bring this up with them. However it sounds like you don’t trust them and think they’re sending your dc home because they don’t have enough staff. If this is the case I would remove dc anyway because it’s so important to trust the people looking after your child. I would also agree with PP that kids can get sick v quickly and also get better really quickly - you’re not there at the time they call you so there has to be an element of trust.

2. you feeling like you’re being spoken to like shit - not acceptable in any situation and especially if they’re normal with your partner. Just not on and needs to be called out if you feel able to. Perhaps a meeting with the nursery manager if you feel like your daughter enjoys being there and you want her to continue there. If you don’t have any strong reasons to keep her there then pull her out as long as you have another nursery (or childcare) lined up and you’re aware it might take her some more time to settle in again - 3 months isn’t a huge amount of time in the grand scheme and she will settle somewhere else quickly

It’s horrible when you’ve just got back to work and trying to do a good job and I know it can feel like you’re doing a rubbish job at being both work and Mum. Sorry this has happened and hope it gets sorted soon

I had a massive argument with an old nursery as they were (are) incompetent, and dangerous. In the end I said fuck, and they asked us to leave while completely ignoring the fact the complete sentence was ‘I’m removing my child from this fucking disgrace of a nursery, and reporting you to Ofsted’ - they then tried to rollback when they realised we didn’t have subsidised hours. A complete bunch of clowns 🤡

Basically, find a different nursery. They’re a dime a dozen, some are shit like this one, others are amazing (like our current one).

Regardless of who is at fault here, if you don't like your child's nursery and the way they do things then please find another setting you do like.

I have heard of nurseries sending children home because they are over ratio due to staff sickness. This is both unfortunate and bad management if unreliable staff are being recruited. I would not want to send my child to a nursery that were working over ratio as there is a higher risk of a safeguarding incident occurring.

I completely agree, but they can send an ill child home - I’d rather my DC’s nursery called me out of work than kept them there when they were ill.

I know plenty of schools who do the same - with the badly behaved kids at high school.

Oh gosh, please do consider finding a different nursery! We had an almost identical experience last year (I’m actually wondering if it might be the same one…).
In our case, we didn’t end up pulling our daughter out ourselves - the nursery terminated our contract after an unannounced Ofsted inspection revealed they had far too many children crammed into a tiny room.

She’s now in a different nursery, and the change has been incredible. She loves it, we’re so much happier, and we didn’t even realise how much better it could be until we experienced it. It was our first time dealing with nurseries in the UK, so we didn’t have much to compare it to.

Please, trust your guts, there are better places out there.

Exactly. The OP just seems to want as much time away from her daughter as possible.

There are often genuine emergencies from nursery such as head trauma or bleeding (every parent I know has had to pick their child up at least once to go to A&E). To not answer the phone on purpose is insane.

I had this for very similar reasons. We left and moved to a new nursery the next week and it was the best thing we could have done.

No they bloody don’t! 🤣 our nurseries were both excellent and used common sense. Mine was only sent home once when he was sick.

This is clearly a ratio issue.

Crikey, pull yourselves together.

You don't trust this nursery. Why are you keeping her there?

This 100%

I'd move her, just because you can and it's so important to trust her caregivers. However, all nurseries send home all the time for colds, coughs, some have a 3 poos and you're out even if they're "normal" and well otherwise. My state school send my dd home last year with "a rash" that was just a bit of eczema in her hairline. So if you want somewhere that doesn't react like that, try a day nanny or a small childminder.

My two were never sent home when they had colds and my son always had a runny nose while at nursery!
They should be treating you with respect - you are a paying customer.
Find somewhere else.

Or even worse - how they treat your baby!
Some nurseries (not all) are just completely motivated by profit sadly.

Yep definitely take her out, I had this issue initially when I went back to work after having my eldest, I was continually getting called to pick him up as he was ‘sick’ - there was nothing wrong with him, and the final straw came when I arrived at her house (childminder) to see her and her son both fully up and dressed and she advised she was too unwell to take my child, unbelievable that it didn’t occur to her to call before I got there!

I never had this hassle from a professional daycare, personally I’d never recommend using a childminder

If every parent you know sends their kids to the same nursery, I sincerely hope there is an investigation into why so many kids have had head trauma or bleeding requiring an A&E visit. That is NOT normal.

Not nursery but the entire school experience. Virtually every child will have some sort of accident or emergency during their time at school. The point being made is that wilfully ignoring calls being made from the school to you as a parent is highly irresponsible. I feel very sorry for a child who might be poorly or ill or injured and having a mum who deliberately refuses to pick up the call from their teacher.

Yes, but that isn't an excuse to send home children that have a space being paid for (you don't get refunds when they're "sick'!).
That's what agencies and bank staff are for. Usually at least the manager is not counted in numbers too, which would allow them to cover until somebody else could arrive.

This. Your reaction is all about how you feel you’re spoken to rather than needing to know your child is safe. I’m not the biggest fan of my nursery manager either but I answer the phone to her every single time. There was one occasion when my son was 1 that the nursery told me he needed to come home and I was annoyed because it was just a cold. He deteriorated so quickly after I collected him that we spent 26 hours in A&E and 4 days in hospital. They were right, they had more experience than me and I was grateful. I can’t imagine leaving someone else to take that phone call. Move your child by all means, but don’t refuse a phone call from the person responsible for safeguarding your child.

I had a similar issue when my DC was 1. They were there until they were 2 and I had my second baby. Both DC were due to go back after second maternity leave, but I decided that I couldn’t go through that again.

I highly suspected it was to do with ratios as it was the same time each afternoon. I’ve had it partially confirmed by ex-staff that I was right…

anyway, moved them both to a different nursery and the times they have been sent home, my DC have been genuinely unwell!