Fallen out with babies nursery - do I remove DD?

[Rainbows08]

DD is only 1 year old and been in nursery for 3 months now.

Me and DH have at times not been happy with the way they have dealt with some things and send DD home at the tiniest of inconvenience (we have found this also seems to be linked to when not all staff turn up to work….)

Last week the nursery manager called me and basically spoke to me like a piece of sh*t - like I don’t know my child and I’m not a good parent as I haven’t come to pick her up for a nothing problem (baby has a cold but is fine)

The way she spoke to me was awful and ruined my day, colleagues even commented that they noticed I was quiet that day. I feel really angry about the way she spoke to me like I was some stupid little girl (I’m 38…) - since she has called about other things and I refuse to pick the phone up and let her speak to DH.

In short, should I remove my DD from this nursery? It makes me question whether they are actually nice people and if my DD is in safe hands?

I think the parents make that judgement and if the child is actually unwell they wouldn't be going in. C.colds and flu's and other viruses are not something to avoid.Placing them into a sterile environment is very bad for their health.

’m not a good parent as I haven’t come to pick her up for a nothing problem

if the nursery calls asking you to pick up your child and you ignore them, you ARE a bad parent.

Change nursery if you don't agree with the way they manage it. It doesn't matter if you are wrong or they are, you clearly cannot work together, and the first priority should be your child.

I feel really angry about the way she spoke to me like I was some stupid little girl (I’m 38…)
you do sound like a stroppy teenager in your posts, I am not surprised the manager is annoyed if you sound like that on the phone.

I cannot believe someone would even ASK if they should leave their baby in a setting when they are having a massive argument with the management there.

Do you believe you can hide from a virus? 😁 Some people learn nothing.
She'll get it next week instead of tomorrow if you isolate, that's all.
What's happened to the country of stiff upper lip, it's become a country of feeble whiney snowflakes.

I completely agree that it's better for everyone to boost immunity instead of dragging it on until they start school,

but parents are known to send their kids when it suits them (SOME parents obviously) not when the child is well enough, so no, you can't trust parents judgements. We would all love if little darlings could be kept home when they have D&V or contagious disease, but sadly they are not, and our kids do get sick too.

Some schools even have to close for a few days for a deep clean when D&V is too bad. Thanks to the selfish parents.

They would anyway initially. Once they experience enough of it they'll be resilient.

If the child is actually poorly and not up to that's fair enough. But some nurseries that are all about profits save on staff costs and look for problems in a child to send them home under the most ridiculous pretence.

Yes if your relationship has soured, I'd consider moving her to a childminder. Wish I had done this in the past, instead of a nursery.

if the nursery calls asking you to pick up your child and you ignore them, you ARE a bad parent. No, she's not. The child's DF can be contacted.
Op, the nursery sounds very badly run, hope you are able to find something else.

I agree parents should make that judgement. But nurseries all have their own individual policies regarding illness and level of illness - so ultimately it’s the nursery’s decision whether a child is “too ill” or not

'strangers' who are trained and experienced in early years care are often far better than lazy grandparents in my experience.

Parents have other pressures and often make a call that is not exactly in the best interests of their child’s health or in the interests of the nursery mates/classmates because of work deadlines and so on.

Unwell children are frequently sent in when they’d be better off at home unfortunately.

My friends nursery used to do this - her little boy would often be sent home because he’d been “sick” or had a temperature. He’d always say he hadn’t been sick and then she’d take his temp at home and it was fine. Spoke to some other parents, who also had the same thing - and it was almost a rota of which child was sent home that day to make sure they weren’t over the limits. Anyway, if you’re at that stage of distrust I’d definitely move her!

I'd love to see some actual research on this. I have two friends who have children in nursery (full days, long hours) who have caught every nasty bug under the sun and still are almost at age 4. Everyone else I know who's children are in part time care, have only ever caught a cold and maybe with the odd fever now and then.

You won’t talk to the nursery and you don’t respect their judgement about your child’s wellbeing. Of course you need to remove her.

the father is not the point here, it's the OP's attitude the issue.

The normal reaction is " I can't pick up, BUT their father will, contact him (or I will contact him).

Not point blank refusing to pick up because you don't agree with the call.

So you don't trust the nursery, you find them rude, they send your kid home when they are not ill (according to you), you disagree with their policies, people are taking their children out, your daughter is crying with everyone but one person, but you are here on mumsnet asking if you should consider removing her???

Your child is the most precious thing in your life. Why would you send them somewhere you didn't trust?

I went back to work part time when dc was a year old. I couldn't have dealt with it any sooner. Also a nursery filled with other children & short staffed would have been out of the question. I found a wonderful & reliable registered child minder who cared for 2 other children out of school hours. I would remove my child from this nursery & look for a good child minder. They are highly regarded nowadays with lots of legal obligations when registered.

I would love to here the other side to this.

Refusing to speak on the phone to the person responsible fie your childcare does make you sound like a little girl.

I work at a nursery and please don't under estimate how little we know your children, even when they haven't been there long.

A few years ago, a 1 year old in my room at nursery wasn't right at all, absolutely nothing you could put a finger on but we rang Mum a few times to explain how niggly he was being and just not himself.

She was quite blunt with us and said unless he was sick or had a temperature, she wasn't coming to collect. She brought him back for 3 days in a row and in the end we had to put our foot down and INSIST he was taken to the doctors despite not actually having a temp or sickness or anything we could technically send home with because we just didn't feel right about it at all.

He ended up being blue lighted to a specialist hospital from the GP surgery and was in emergency surgery that night and had septic arthritis that was caught just in time.

can't believe you don't answer the phone when nursery calll you. That's just awful. what if she'd had an accident/choking etc. you sound like you don't really care at all, just want your baby away from you.

just weird to need to ask strangers whether to move nurseries. your baby is supposed to be your most precious treasure- you clearly hate the nursery, dont trust the staff, say they are negligent and breaking the law. yet you need advice from strangers...

Of course they don’t. Some nurseries might, and I guess you have less bugs going around so children have a) less chance of catching anything but b) don’t have the exposure to prime their immune systems for school. Our nursery is the opposite- they rarely send kids home, there’s lots of coughs and colds over winter for the new kids but parents can actually still go to work when their children have a sniffle.

There will always be some things you don’t absolutely love about group care as it comes with compromise. If you have reached this level of anger, you need to change care providers.

Yes definitely remove her.

We had something similar with mgmt and then there was a safeguarding incident involving our daughter.

If they treat you like shit imagine how they treat their staff / the kind of staff they attract.

Not worth the gamble.

Of course you should remove her, I’m surprised you are even questioning it unless there is a real struggle for nursery or childminder places near you - I understand there is in some areas.

Imo you have to be happy and confident as you can be with who is taking care of your children - especially at that age when they can’t tell you if there’s something wrong (and in an ideal world would be an home with a parent/caregiver - except that obviously most people can’t as they have to work).

I agree with those who suggested trying to find a good childminder instead. “At home” care with smaller numbers is always the ideal if you can find it - nurseries can often be great for older children (2 and a half/3 years plus as by that age they generally benefit from the socialisation with other kids) but they really don’t always suit the littlest ones.