Fallen out with babies nursery - do I remove DD?

[Rainbows08]

DD is only 1 year old and been in nursery for 3 months now.

Me and DH have at times not been happy with the way they have dealt with some things and send DD home at the tiniest of inconvenience (we have found this also seems to be linked to when not all staff turn up to work….)

Last week the nursery manager called me and basically spoke to me like a piece of sh*t - like I don’t know my child and I’m not a good parent as I haven’t come to pick her up for a nothing problem (baby has a cold but is fine)

The way she spoke to me was awful and ruined my day, colleagues even commented that they noticed I was quiet that day. I feel really angry about the way she spoke to me like I was some stupid little girl (I’m 38…) - since she has called about other things and I refuse to pick the phone up and let her speak to DH.

In short, should I remove my DD from this nursery? It makes me question whether they are actually nice people and if my DD is in safe hands?

It sounds as if the nursery is very badly run if many kids have gone. Do you believe that she is being cared for a a basic level? You can probably assume that she is not being nurtured though...

Thank you - something I will definitely consider - my colleagues child goes to a childminder and she’s really happy with her and seems to do everything and anything she can for her DS (even washes his clothes!)

From what I’ve picked up - DD loves one of the nursery nurses (an older lady) she seems to be great with her - however when I hand DD over to some of the others she cries and won’t let go of me 🥲

My main concern would be the correlation of pickups with understaffing, as this implies that they can't care for your baby adequately. So yes I'd remove her.

What a strange thing to guarantee. Have you used every nursery then?
My child's nursery absolutely do not send children home for coughs and colds.
I wouldn't have a job if that were the case.
As long as the child is happy to be at nursery and "well enough" they can go in.
My child have been in when at the tail end of an ear infection and they have happily given her the antibiotics she'd been prescribed.

But then my nursery is owned and run by an ex health visitor and parent herself. She isn't a large corporate business just out to get as much money out of parents as possible.

Nurseries and childminders have legal staff to child ratios.

This is how illness spreads in nursery and schools 'It's not serious so I am sending them no matter what' is where other children pick up things from

Of course I read your first post. So this means you actually keep tabs on every staff member when you do the drop off? Do you scan the room in the few minutes you're there and count exactly how many staff are around so you can make a mental note of the likeliness they will call you later that day?

That's the only logical reason you can react with justified outrage when they call you to pick up your child because you already know they are short staffed. Otherwise that reason would make no sense.

By your own admission, you said your baby had a cold but that fact was clearly irrelevant because you are convinced they only call you because they do not have enough staff.

The way ou come across on here, it feels entirely possible that the problem is you.... but that's irrelevant.

You are not happy with this nursery and you are spending a lot of money, and trust ing them to look after your DD so if you don't feel comfortable with them, then you should take her out, of course. Every setting or school varies and what works for family 1 might not work for family 2. My DS' additional needs were managed beautifully at his primary school.... I personally know 3 families who took their children out of the same school because they could not manage their child's additional needs.

My children were the ones who’d invariably end up on antibiotics and steroids and nebulisers and sometimes in hospital so I always hated when others sent their sick children to playschool or school.

I do understand the pressures too but I think some people just don’t realise (or really care about?) the effect it has on other kids. Family and friends who teach say some children are sent to school really quite unwell and it’s not fair on the child or the staff or the other children. And sometimes there’s a parent at home but they’re busy and want the childcare or the break. It’s not always pressures of work that force the issue.

So I know it’s a tough one with other work pressure sometimes, but I think if a nursery are ringing you to take home your child because she’s ill, then do the rest of us a favour and take her home please OP.

How do you know about changes in staffing levels at the nursery btw?

OP, you don’t across well here.

I know someone who had to take a group of children out on a 'trip' when ofsted came in because they had too many.

This!!!
Our nursery doesn’t neither. I am very strict on what I will and won’t pick up early for. A sniffle would not meet the criteria.

I've always dropped everything to pick up baby from nursery if poorly.
Not sure how do you know how many staff they have each day? Is it just one room?
Ours has 4 rooms for different ages so would be impossible to know if all staff are present.

I have to say you have lost my sympathy when you just called mumsneter a witch on this thread.
If your husband doesn't have an issue that it might possibly be your attitude.

If things have deteriorated to the point where you’re refusing to answer the phone when you see it’s the nursery calling, then yes, I’d say it’s time to look for a new childcare setting.

Although IME it’s not unusual for nurseries to be quick to send babies home when they’re unwell with minor things, so you may have similar issues at another nursery.

They dont though. She is not negligent she is giving the phone for her husband to answer, and imagine how unprofessional that nursery was to push a mother to a point of not wanting to answer their calls? What on earth did they say to upset her to this extent? OP I would be removing 100% if their words have made such a lasting impact on you. If they have not been respectful then you are right to question them.

This! Be prepared, most nurseries will want you to collect at the slightest sign of illness, they can't risk it passed around.
But now you can't keep your DC there as relationship has gone down the drain.

Move asap. You can't repair this to the point you'll feel comfortable

Yes if you are unhappy and the relationship with the nursery staff is not positive then you should move. Don’t hesitate, having peace of mind that your child is being well cared for is a must have. This was a long time ago but I moved my daughter from her first nursery after a couple of minor incidents and then a serious one - I wished I had trusted myself that things were not right and done it quicker. Good nurseries generally have waiting lists though so you may need a plan to tide you over.
The sending home at the drop of a hat though is something you will experience all the way through education. Many a time I have left work to find myself picking up a perfectly ok child 🤣

Your ‘just a cold’ type of attitude will give you a bad rep amongst staff and other parents. Literally my biggest pet peeve when people send their ill kid into nursery.

There’s one mother at my son’s nursery who always does it. My ds ended up being blue lighted to hospital and on oxygen for bronchiolitis. Similar happened to some other children in his nursery at the same time.

As a single mother, I understand childcare can be very difficult but there is no excuse.

You don't trust them, don't like them, and communication has broken down. That's reason enough to not send her back. I hope you can find a different setting that works for you, maybe a childminder as pp said.

Sounds like a move would be best as other PP have pointed out the relationship appears to be untenable.

OP when you say she talked to you like s**t what did she actually say? Was it just her tone or did she make veiled comments on your parenting skills?

Why are you sending your child to nursery when she's unwell? And why are you poor your husband refusing to pick her up when she's unwell? Smh at the total disregard for other children's health!

They don't if we sent home every child with a cough/cold we would have no children at all. If the child has a temperature and was totally miserable not eating just crying/sleeping we would then call home.

Sounds like you have lost all confidence and trust in the setting, so obviously you need to remove her and find another suitable nursery.

They absolutely shouldn’t be speaking to you in that manner, and if in all how honesty you can say you haven’t invoked it (not a slight on you at all, but it is easy to overeat on the phone, if someone is perceived to be rude etc) then you should make a complaint formally, once your daughter has left.

Good luck in your search