Fallen out with babies nursery - do I remove DD?

[Rainbows08]

DD is only 1 year old and been in nursery for 3 months now.

Me and DH have at times not been happy with the way they have dealt with some things and send DD home at the tiniest of inconvenience (we have found this also seems to be linked to when not all staff turn up to work….)

Last week the nursery manager called me and basically spoke to me like a piece of sh*t - like I don’t know my child and I’m not a good parent as I haven’t come to pick her up for a nothing problem (baby has a cold but is fine)

The way she spoke to me was awful and ruined my day, colleagues even commented that they noticed I was quiet that day. I feel really angry about the way she spoke to me like I was some stupid little girl (I’m 38…) - since she has called about other things and I refuse to pick the phone up and let her speak to DH.

In short, should I remove my DD from this nursery? It makes me question whether they are actually nice people and if my DD is in safe hands?

This relationship has completely broken down. In your position I would definitely be removing her and finding somewhere I was happier with, as soon as possible.

If it's got to the point where they have called you to collect and you refused, then it's definitely time to move on. Relationship has broken down.

If you are not willing to answer the phone when they call then yes, I suggest you give them notice before they give you notice.

I'd remove her yes.... However you will probably find most nursery send home for illness/colds etc

Oh god. That’s quite a breakdown of relationship isn’t it. Personally if things have soured that much I wouldn’t continue to have my child there. I’d be interested I hearing it from the other side though…deliberately not picking up your phone when your child’s nursery is calling is weird. They need to be able to reach you. What if there was a genuine emergency and you screened the call and then your DH had to relay all the info back to you? You’d be in a right panic. And it’s really difficult I know but MOST nurseries are quick to send home babies in the first four months or so.

I can guarantee ALL nurseries send children home for coughs and colds. It's ridiculous that you are refusing to answer the phone when the nursery calls. Infact that's boardline negligent.
Bare in mind the nursery is likely to have a notice period so don't expect to just up and move.

They absolutely do not do that! Neither my child nor none of my friends’ children have ever been sent home with a cough or cold. If they have fever then yes but even then they’d ask if we’d like our children to be given some painkillers until we can come and pick them up.

Urgh I hate it when parents send sick kids to nursery. It’s not “just a cold”, it’s an illness that is contagious and affects children differently.

My DCs nursery never sent kids home with a cough or a cold as long as they were OK in themselves & didn't have a temperature. 2 of my DC would never have been able to attend if they sent them home for this as they both had permnanat cough/colds from September through to April each year! Always well in themselves but they picked up every bug going. Were never ill in school though (they must have got super immunity by then).

I would remove and look for a better nursery that deals with illnesses sensibly.

Well that’s a bit silly, there are many different levels of colds, in general kids are alright in themselves and eating and drinking then they’re fine to be in the setting- it’s harder to make this call with babies though obviously especially ones that haven’t been at nursery very long. It is obviously not practical for us all to stay at home every time we have a slight sniffle. Most parents have to make a judgement call and while it’s not fair to send unwell children in I wouldn’t and couldn’t keep mine off for every mild cold virus. And toddler coughs last for aaageeees. I’d have had to leave my job if I was expected to keep him off for every cough.

Oh I would remove her.
I did with my dd when she was 2. I wish I had listened to my instincts and taken her out sooner.

They don’t …. Otherwise DD would never be in! Keeping in mind that DD picks everything up from Nursery; boardline negligent ….. I don’t think so - it’s for my mental health as no doubt the nursery manager will speak to to me sh^t - if you think that’s acceptable then guessing you are just as much as a witch! If my child is actually ill of course I wouldn’t send her to nursery.

DH always has his phone and will always answer - as the nursery manager seems
to not dare speak to him like a piece of sh^t - feel like we are back to the dark ages

Thank you for your response - glad not just me 😊

Do you trust them?
If you don't, you need to remove her.

I agree, but OP has a young baby who is just new to this nursery so if she's miserable she probably should be with one of her parents, quite cruel to leave her in an unfamiliar environment with strangers

You can’t send your child to be looked after by people who you refuse to communicate with, no.

It's odd that your first reaction to being called to collect your baby is anger at the way they speak to you, rather than concern about your child. Every time nursery called me to collect DD, I dropped everything and rushed over asap because I trust their judgement.

The first few months of nursery our daughter got sent home ALL the time for the slightest thing, but then it did tail off as she picked up less.

I think a nursery should be able to make a judgement on whether a child should go home. If many children have illness then I’d expect their illness threshold to be lower

how do you know that they send your child home when some staff aren’t I ?

it sounds like it was probably unfair the way the nursery manager spoke to you, but they are there to run a business, look after the children and have their own policies. They’re not there to protect a parent’s mental health.
it feels an overreaction to say it ruins your day, made you feel like a little girl and now you refuse to pick up the phone.

either way, if the relationship has broken down irreversibly, then you probably have to move

I don’t answer the phone when nursery call either - she’s there because I’m at work and can’t answer, whereas DH is at work and can answer. If that makes me negligent then so be it.

Also, bugs come from nursery. We’ve used 4 nurseries and they have all accepted ill kids as long as not D&V or temp.

Trouble is with babies though they can be fine in the morning and then go downhill later in the morning, and if nursery just don’t know her well enough or she’s too young to stay in the setting and be a bit poorly (because older children can often manage it with a few cuddles/lay down etc) then they have to make the call.

And I’ve worked in settings where I can’t have my phone on me- nursery would always have the number for my work in case of an emergency though. I’d never be totally unreachable. She’s a baby! And anytime I CAN answer my phone, and nursery calls then obviously I would. Screening a call because of the way someone might speak to you when it involves your young child is nuts.

Of course nurseries don't send home children with colds, no one would be there during the winter months!

The relationship has broken down so I would remove her before they ask you to leave which is probably coming.

It makes me question whether they are actually nice people and if my DD is in safe hands?
Go with your gut feeling about these people. You have to feel confident you are leaving your dc with kind people.

Have you thought about a childminder instead? When mine were small, our childminder would take them for any minor coughs/colds and as they were limited numbers, they could manage really well, giving them lots of attention.

you would need to find a childminder who you gel with but it worked for us. Mine were at the childminder from 8-6 Min-Friday and I only ever took time off for when they really needed me: chicken pox, bronchiolitis, flu rather than minor illnesses. I know I was probably lucky that we didn’t get lots of conjunctivitis, hand foot & mouth etc.

Did you read my first post? There is always a link to sending DD home when less staff are in …. Bascially clearly can’t have that many kids when staff don’t turn up so turn to excuses to send kids home

I very much doubt they will ask us to leave when they are desperate to fill the nursery - this is the concern - recently many kids have gone … and we get the sob story of how expensive everything is (£1,400 a month for us …!)