Is this my sons fault or nursery’s fault?

[Mummymummymummyy]

I just had an email from my 4years old pre school saying there was an incident today and I need to sign the form when he next comes in- as they didn’t mention at pick up. The incident is that he opened the fire door which leads to the nursery main door which opens onto a busy road. The tone of the email is all about how bad it is my son did this and how shocked they all were. It says they they had a talk with him about safety and how bad it is to open the door, and can I also talk to him. I’m glad they took it seriously and mentioned it, but I’m kind of annoyed and wondering if I should be. Surely the issue is that a nursery isn’t properly child proof, if a door can be opened by a child. It’s not like I have taught him to open doors and although of course I will talk to him about it- surely they themselves need to address this. a precious nursery he went to had buttons up high to press to open doors, and buzzers etc.

am I unreasonable to be annoyed?

It opens on onto a busy road , and you ask how he could have been hurt ?

Oh my god. I mean, yes I agree with you that children should be taught these things, but you can NOT put the blame of a 4 year old. The nursery is ultimately responsible for ensuring everyone's safety and for risk assessing. Relying on a 4 year old following the rules independently in order to keep a door to a busy road closed?? Sheer madness. I'd be getting in touch with Ofsted if I was a parent at that nursery. They need a better way of keeping children safe from the road than a door that can be opened by small children... this is NOT on you or your son.

So would I. But I would still report to Ofsted. It's only a matter of time before another 4 year old opens it... and someone slips out onto the road...

You read horror stories about this happening in nurseries all the time in the media. This is an accident (or child death) just waiting to happen.

Good point. I wonder if there is CCTV in that room...

Surely a 4 year old should understand that they aren’t to go out of any doors unless with an adult or told to? Otherwise you’d have reception aged kids leaving classrooms whenever they want.
Im assuming he knows not to try and get out of your front door at home?

It sounds like he was seen doing it and staff want you to remind him about not opening doors, rather than he escaped and they found him later?

I have an escaper.... still escaping in year 2, knoes not tonescape but sometimes doesz although he is ND (not saying your son is, just explaining why he feels the need to escape).
It causes absolute panic among the staff when he does his escaping, it is stressful, they have to lose focus in the other children and I can't imagine the fear if you are responsible for someone elses child who has escaped.
I would be annoyed they are not watching him to realise quickly, but ratios at age 4 mean that they have a number of children to watch and so I would also be having words with him about the dangers of escaping.

Also OP, I think you need to consider what you want for your ds long-term as a child, teenager, and adult.

Do you want him to feel that none of the rules apply to him? That he can do anything he wants and his mum will always say it's someone else's fault? That his safety and happiness is not his responsibility but always up to someone else?

Children don't magically learn responsibility and independence one day when they turn 18. It's slowly built step by tiny step starting from very young childhood onwards.

As a 4 year old, of course it's the nursery staff's job to keep him safe (which they clearly did, stopping him straight away). However, it's his job to listen and follow important rules. It's normal if he messes up sometimes at his age, but all the more reason why he needs to be reminded of how to behave.

Reading the OP, it didn't open onto a busy road, but into a lobby area where the main nursery entrance was.

This. I can't believe some people are blaming the 4 year old child rather than nursery. YES of course continue to educate the child about safety, but you cannot 100% expect every 4 year old to follow every rule at every moment. They slip up. They make mistakes. They make bad choices sometimes. The nursery had to bear that in mind in a risk assessment and have other safety measures put in place that are foolproof in order to keep children safe.
PS I'm in education myself and have endless safeguarding training. I know how hard it is for providers to get everything right. But I'd still be contacting Ofsted about this. The stakes are too high.

No it doesn't. It opens into an area which has a door to the main road which he wouldn't be able to get through. The child was never at risk of serious harm.

They did take responsibility! They stopped any incident or harm from occuring, logged it, looked in to it, contacted the parent, and have made sure that the child understands the rules. Presuming that the front door has a code or a high button, the worst that could have happened is that the child got in to the foyer. It's not about blaming the child, it's about teaching them how to stay safe and follow instructions, and 4 is not too young to start to learn to do that!

I have no idea what is normal practice, but I personally wouldn't be at all comfortable sending my child to a nursery that has that sort of set-up. I am surprised anyone would rely on the impulse control of any four year old, before you even consider children with SEN, diagnosed or undiagnosed

Well, this does happen actually. Occasionally. And occadionally kids end up getting off site as a reault. But any sensible school puts measures in place to keep the kids safe. For instance, my sons' school has iron fences around the site (sounds more ugly than it is - it's a gorgeous private school in a leafy village) with a gate that can only be opened from an adult's height. Even if the children escape a classroom, they have no way whatsoever of getting off the school grounds. They are literally locked in. (Again, sounds like prison, but they are actually very safe and happy!). There's a second fence as well actually, now I think of it, so a double layer! There is a busy road beyond that so it's important. Sounds like the OP's nursery needs to learn a lesson from my sons' school!

This.

But the nursery staff clearly had safety measures in place. The OP never said that her child went out through the door, just that he opened it. He was immediately stopped.

You say you work in education, but in a school all classroom doors are unlocked for safety reasons. It is reasonable to expect children to not open the door without permission. If they break the rules, they should be told off.

At the same time there should obviously be back ups in place so that children are safe even if they break the rules. But that's what the nursery staff did, so I really don't see what they can be blamed for.

Hmm I guess that's the question then isn't it - COULD he get through the main door too, or not? Has the OP made that clear? My sons' nursery's front door was frequently propped open (with a Reception area used as a sort of a waiting room) so that wouldn't have stopped a child! But maybe this one is secure...?

Fire door or fire exit? A fire door is a door that's supposed to stay shut to prevent spread of fires. It may or may not be part of a fire exit route.

Fire doors often have pretty heavy spring loaded closings to make sure they're not accidentally left open - if so I'd be surprised if a 4 yr old can open it. Maybe that's what they meant by shocked. It would be kind of surprising if nursery staff are shocked that 4 yr olds sometimes misbehave.

The email seems oddly aggressive for what seems like a fairly normal misdemeanor. I would ask your DS neutrally what happened. 4 is both old enough and young enough you may get the full story.

Then when you next go in ask staff neutrally what exactly the situation is so you can reinforce the rules. What have they said to the children about fire doors? Are they supposed to be openable by anyone or is it supposed to be only adults and your DS climbed on a chair to open it or something? And for your own reassurance, what measures are in place to ensure no children do escape to the street.

Yes they are learning to follow instructions, no you don't rely on that completely for 4 yr olds not wandering off. Primary schools also generally make sure there is either a locked gate or adult supervision or both between pupils and the general public.

Reasonable to expect that yes. Reasonable for the nursery to rely on that? No way. This is how serious accidents happen.

But the op says that fire exit opened up into a hallway that then leads to the main door to the building (beyond which is the main road). At no point does she say that the main door was open. In fact it makes sense to assume it's securely closed during nursery hours. .

This is 100% the nursery settings fault and to blame a 4 year old is abhorrent.
My son at 4 would have been gone out that door quicker than they could have noticed, he was a huge wanderer and we had to pretty much keep him tied to an adult the moment we left the house. Anything could have happened so yes you should talk to your son but make sure he also knows he wasn’t to blame. Poor kid probably felt so bad when they were talking to him.

I'm partly thinking the main door was open/open-able because they're making so much fuss about it. If it was just a case of a child going into the wrong space in the nursery why isn't it just being treated as normal misbehaviour or a mistake? I think if OP doesn't already know this is something to ask the staff.

Tell them you will report to Ofsted , then they will keep quiet.

At my child’s nursery all the handles are high up so only adults can reach them.

Keep quiet about what? The nursery staff want the OP's help in reinforcing safety rules that, wait for it, keep her son safe.

They will stop blaming a 4 year old boy.
They should have telephoned at the time if an incident had occured or manager should have informed parents at pick up.