Nursery accidents

[Luke1054]

Son is 3 years and 3 months. No accidents at home, well, maybe two over the past 3 months….but at nursery he’s been having accidents for 5 months, average 4 accidents a day…every day he’s there.

they seem to offer no solution to this issue or if they do (like a sticker reward chart) they keep it up for a few days then it gets forgotten about. They only usually do this after I’ve expressed concerns.

he doesn’t speak well but can say poo poo meaning he wants to go to the toilet.

the usual story when challenged is that it’s a big room with a lot of children, my son doesn’t tell them, or it’s a tough job and staff turnover is high.

there have been other issues as well which I won’t go off topic with, one being him moving to the pre school room which seemed to be more about filling their spaces rather than my sons best interests) but I feel massively let down by the nursery and can’t really see how he will stop the accidents as there seems to be no plan or urgency on their part.

am I best to just submit a formal complaint as I have tried verbally for months to no avail.

Thanks for reading.

Ok well read this very carefully.

My child is my main priority not the cost.

is that clear for you?

Your relationship with the nursery has broken down if you are at the stage of repotting to ofsted.

Ofsted are not interested in complaints, such as yours. They are a regulatory body and would not get involved in a potty training dispute.

you appear to think because you are paying the staff at your son's nursery that they should be dedicated to only meeting his needs. It does not work like that. The ratio in pre - school is 1:8 and it can be 1:13 if a qualified teacher is working directly with the children. Maybe you would be better off with a nanny, who will provide 1:1 care. The room staff in the nursery have other children to educate, care for and feed.

The staff, preferably his key person or his buddy key person should take him to the toilet every hour at least, but it sounds to me as if your son is not ready for potty training just yet.

you need to focus on getting support with his communication. Imagine how frustrated he must be because he cannot verbalise what he wants to say to get his needs met - this should be your priority.

Parents should ( and in my experience most do) work in partnership with nursery to resolve issues together.

As for making a sticker chart, where do you honestly think the pre school staff have the time to do that during a. busy nursery day?

if one staff member is out making a chart , then that puts the room out of ratio , unless they can find a spare member of staff to cover, which is v doubtful. If you expect them to do it with children in the room, that won't happen either because then the staff member will not be supervising the children properly, which is not fair on the children.

i think you think nursery staff are just glorified baby sitters and anyone can rock up and do the job because it is an easy job and staff just play all day! It would do you good as a parent to spend a day in nursery, do you can see how busy it is and how hard the staff caring and educating your child work.

Ofsted will also look at the fact that you have continued to send your child there despite claims of neglect and poor standards. They are very used to seeing through thin complaints where behaviour of parents doesn't match the claims made.

If the nursery has no time for a sticker chart then they need to tell me this not make me guess.

if it was that difficult and the wage is so low I’d imagine they’d get a job on the till at tesco. That’s just a poor excuse that we’ve learned to live with over the years for many things.

the chart took me 1 and a half minutes to make. This could have been made at a desk which is in the room with whilst watching them.

my child is potty trained at home and has no accidents. Only had 2 in 3 months if we are being picky. Not 4 every day like at nursery on average.

yes I’d have thought we could resolve issues together but there’s no suggestions or any of that going on. We’ve potty trained him, he understands. Of it’s a communication issue with him telling them then they either need to adapt or tell us and come up with a solution.

Ok well read this very carefully.

My child is my main priority not the cost.

is that clear for you?

Ok I'm back

You've had some great advice on this thread OP.

I've read your posts and I've come to the same conclusion as many of the others.

You're way more interested in making the Nursery Accountable than you are in getting some support for your DS.

And yes, your posts on the money were a bit odd.

You seem to take any suggestion that you might not be thinking this through properly and your priorities might be a bit skewed as a personal attack. Is that how you are generally when talking to others? Have you ever read up on rigid thinking too?

Do you feel that it's unjust how you've been treated and want to rectify that? There are some wonderful childcare providers but there are a lot of Nurseries that have a high turnover and don't value their staff. You aren't going to be able to fix that. You could though vote for a Party at the general election that prioritises the care and welfare of children and the vulnerable better than the current government has.

I'm not the only one who had mentioned how focused you are in essentially getting the Nursery into trouble instead of getting your DS into a better environment and getting him some proper support.

As a PP said, only saying a few words at 39 months is very concerning. My DC2 had quite marked speech delay and has ASD and even they could string a sentence together by 3.

The speech delay along with the incontinence and not responding to social cues would suggest that he needs an assessment for ASD.

Please do listen to the posters who are saying that this setting isn't working out and your relationship with them has broken down. You should really also fill in those Ages & Stages and see your HV and ask for those referrals.

Start looking up too on applying for an ECHP and what that might include, like continuing SLT.

Oh and one last thing, I'd ask your HV for a referral to Occupational Therapy too.

We’ve potty trained him, he understands. Of it’s a communication issue with him telling them then they either need to adapt or tell us and come up with a solution.

The solution is that you get him SLT, an Occupational Therapy referral and see your HV with those completed Ages & Stages.

If you're keeping him at this Nursery I'd email them today, but take your time and make sure that it comes across as though you've listened to their concerns about him having regular accidents and not joining in and you'd like their SENCO to assess him.

I wouldn't bother though if you're taking him out of that Nursery anyway.

they don’t have any concern for him. That’s the issue. They’d just let this continue as they have done.

but considering there’s a sen worker there, why haven’t they suggested any of this?

im parenting from human nature…they are looking after my child through experience and qualifications. I’d expect them to know more than me.

Ok let’s open up another matter.

if my child is 3 years 3 months old and can’t speak in sentences. Is there a reason why the nursery would not raise a concern about this?

It doesn't matter why you think they haven't done anything. They probably think they have raised concerns over him not playing and it's obvious that he is behind with his speech and isn't coping socially.

The question is what's your focus going to be now? Getting him the support or taking on the Nursery to get them to behave in a way that you'd find acceptable?

Is there a reason you've not noticed yourself?

But they haven’t raised these concerns have they. I’m curious as to why this would be. Speech issues at 3 years and 3 months and not a single person has mentioned this to me?

Is there any possibility they have raised it gently but you and your partner haven’t listened? Judging by your posts on this thread, it does sound like the relationship between you and nursery is sensitive.

No, I can assure you it has not been raised.

You've answered that already - it's a rubbish nursery struggling with high staff turnover and understaffing and they're only doing the minimum at the moment.

Yes. As much as I don’t want that to be the answer it’s looking like maybe it is.

it’s not like I’ve just woke up one morning and decided this. I’ve been chasing it for months to no avail. Hence the frustration.

I can assure you, they find you very difficult to communicate with.

I can assure you, they find you very difficult to communicate with.

Could that possibly help true?

So my child suffers. I’ve been very patient with them. Hence why it’s gone on so long. They’ve had plenty of opportunity. They could have informed mum if I’m so “difficult” or even sent a message on the system to us.

instead, in your opinion, my child has been left to go behind because of me and not them.

Yes that's my opinion.

And these are people who work with children. Sounds a bit concerning doesn’t it really.

Although I think it’s more like if they’d have mentioned it they’d have to do more work. There has to be a reason why so many staff seem to leave but only to go to other childcare settings. It’s not like they pay anymore money.

Let’s also remember that they’ve been filling in a progress report…when promoted as of course they wouldn’t do this off their own backs……and he’s on track according to their report.

now if their view is he’s on track even though he’s got speech issues….whats your defence for that one

I'm stepping away now. I believe you're on a wind up now so won't be engaging anymore.

If your child really is wetting and soiling themselves multiple times each day, I really hope you as their primary carer (or their mother who has been equally lacking) gets them some help, immediately. It doesn't matter whose fault it is, you have the power to change it.

OP - that sounds fairly disturbing - I would definitely be addressing it formally and maybe try to find out from your little boy what else is going on - how he is feeling. I had a nanny once neglecting my DD @ that age - a neighbour alerted me. You can be too trusting /reliant when you are trying to focus on work and paying for childcare. Check it out.

You have no answer. All you’ve done is blame us. When they have no accidents at home yet 4 a day on average at nursery. When in their care.

they’ve said he’s on track yet has speech issues.

they have sen specialist but haven’t identified his needs.

unless we stand in the room the whole time he’s at nursery, we have to hope they do what they’re supposed to. On a normal day he’s awake with us for around 4 hours. 2 hours morning 2 hours evening. For 8.5 hours he’s in their care. If you do the math you’d have to admit they are the primary carer on nursery days.

I agree. I really hope it’s a wind up because if it isn’t then a primary carer is failing their child. Child is 3.5 years, isn’t potty trained, and has the langange skills of less than half their actual age.

OP, if by chance this is true then get off MN and start seeking help for your child. Read up on what an average 3 year old is doing - writing their own name, using sentences with a vocab in 1000s and many will also be doing phonics and learning to read.