Nursery accidents

[Luke1054]

Son is 3 years and 3 months. No accidents at home, well, maybe two over the past 3 months….but at nursery he’s been having accidents for 5 months, average 4 accidents a day…every day he’s there.

they seem to offer no solution to this issue or if they do (like a sticker reward chart) they keep it up for a few days then it gets forgotten about. They only usually do this after I’ve expressed concerns.

he doesn’t speak well but can say poo poo meaning he wants to go to the toilet.

the usual story when challenged is that it’s a big room with a lot of children, my son doesn’t tell them, or it’s a tough job and staff turnover is high.

there have been other issues as well which I won’t go off topic with, one being him moving to the pre school room which seemed to be more about filling their spaces rather than my sons best interests) but I feel massively let down by the nursery and can’t really see how he will stop the accidents as there seems to be no plan or urgency on their part.

am I best to just submit a formal complaint as I have tried verbally for months to no avail.

Thanks for reading.

I think this is our best course of action. We will look into this on Monday.

That is a lot of daily accidents for your child to have and I am surprised that the nursery isn’t being more proactive to try and prevent them, as tidying up after accidents is no fun and takes them far longer than taking the child to the toilet.
Overall, it doesn’t sound like the best of places. If you aren’t willing to move him yet, definitely ask for a meeting with the manager and your child’s key worker to come up with a plan on how to rectify this.
You have also mentioned that your child’s speech is limited, which is probably causing accidents to be more frequent as he isn’t able and/or comfortable asking for toilets. Could they give him a flash card to use when he needs the toilets, or maybe teach him a maratón sign when he needs to go?

yes all you’ve said is true. I don’t know why they’ve let this carry on for so long. They’ve never really asked what he’s like at home in regards to accidents.

you’ve mentioned some good ideas but I can’t see why they don’t come up with these ideas or suggestions as they are apparently qualified Individuals working with children every day.

as so many people have pointed out so many suggestions that the nursery haven’t I just feel like they need to take responsibility and be held accountable. I don’t know how they can get away with such poor service

Some parental responsibility needs to be taken here. Why have you let this carry on for so long?

I’ve been mentioning it and raising my concerns for months. I’ve asked and asked what are they doing. I’ve complained verbally and I’m told it’s a hard job, staff have left, there’s a lot of distractions, it’s a bigger room with more going on.

believe me I have tried. But with 2 working parents is not as easy to just walk out as my son needs childcare so we can work and pay bills…and for the childcare itself.

please don’t for a second think we haven’t taken any steps to resolve this issue because I can assure you we have for months.

Mentioning and asking and complaining isn't enough though is it? Maybe in the beginning but 5 months of multiple daily accidents needs more than just words.

He either isn't ready and needs to go back in pull ups, or you wholly believe the setting are at fault and you need to move him immediately.

Anything less is neglectful and you are not advocating for your son adequately.

From a childcare POV you are using deliberately provocative language about the staff and if you truly believed what you are writing then this adds to your failure to protect him.

There is no way they will find changing a wet / soiled child multiple times a day easier than just taking him to the toilet. No way.

Hang on….are you saying we are neglecting him? What are the nursery doing?

I haven’t used any language to describe staff. All I’ve said it what I’ve been told as their excuses for this carrying on.

I don’t think it’s fair for us to have to take a child out of an environment they are used to, with friends they have made…. Because the nursery isn’t doing their part which we are paying for.

if they are purposely doing this then surely the neglect is on their part? Bare in mind..,this is only happening when he is in THEIR care

Yes it is neglectful to leave him in the care of people you believe aren't treating him well.

Move him. Not fair? Are you 12? It's not fair on your son to leave him there if you truly believe they aren't doing their jobs and being neglectful.

No we are working people who claim no benefits who have a mortgage to pay. If our child isn’t in childcare we cannot go to work as we would have to look after him in those hours.

so if I’m neglecting my child and so is the nursery….i’m guessing I need to report the nursery for neglect?

What does not claiming benefits have to do with anything?

Have you got a solution to any of this? My point is we work…..we can’t just give up work to look after our child. But if you want to open up this peculiar can of worms I shall expand. If we were on benefits we would likely be getting this child care completely free and taking the child out of nursery would make odds to us in regards to our mortgage as we would likely be in social housing.

but that was never my point. the point is we can’t just take him out of childcare, it’s not an option.

all you seem to be doing is saying we as parents are neglecting our child due to false hope provided by our nursery and no real support or solution to a problem. Many people on here have given us advise that the nursery never has.

But again, please tell me what you’d do in this situation if you were us and the child must be in childcare.

No one is suggesting you take stop your childcare and give up your job. We're suggesting you find a place elsewhere, hand in your notice to the current place and stop giving your hard-earned cash to a nursery that isn't working for your DC.

You'll be worried about your DS but he'll adapt better than you think and a different set up with independent access to the loos and more supportive staff could be transformational.

I'm guessing most posters on this thread have spent tens of thousands on nursery (we had two full-time from the baby room to school and I'm desperately trying not to do the maths because I really don't want to know what that's cost us). Your comments about benefit claimants don't reflect well on you.

I'm not saying take him out of childcare and give up your jobs and lose your home.... I said MOVE HIM!

And your comments about those on benefits getting free childcare and social housing? Please educate yourself.

my comments on benefit claimants is not the issue here. I’m trying to explain to that person that I cannot just take my child out or the childcare setting as we both work. They were making out I’m neglecting my child because I haven’t done this.

it was just an example that if I had money coming in from any other means but my salary it wouldn’t be an issue.

but I’m making up a fantasy situation there but back in the real world my child is not developing and that’s not fair on a 3 year old child at the end of the day

Literally no one is saying to just take your child out.

Check out the other local nurseries and childminders, find one that will be a better fit and has a spot, hand in your notice and complete the move without losing a single day of childcare.

We love our nursery but I've found they don't make much effort with training. They aren't allowed nappy free until they are trained, but at the same time they don't help to get there. We ask them to try the potty with our ds every hour of so, but at handover he's often only been once.

Too many children for them to be watched properly and high staff turnover are massive red flags!! Report them to OFSTED maybe and they might be given a shake up.

thank you. It seems like it’s our only option. We’ve fell for the apologies and excuse's too many times now. We always hope they’ll improve but I think we will just keep playing along until he goes to school if we don’t take action.
Its such a shame because when he first went it was so amazing and was the best nursery we visited before signing up….but since he’s been there the ofsted rating went from outstanding to good….and unfortunately I’m understanding their views.

we probably have let it go too long admittedly but I had real problems letting my son go and being left with people, I felt so good about them, perhaps we’ve been too emotionally involved in the setting and the memory.

If you're reporting to Ofsted the relationship has broken down. It really isn't your only option - stop giving these people your money! You could have your son moved and settled elsewhere long before the end of the summer. If it's not an option you want to take then fine but it definitely is an option without compromising your job.

Yes I know. We wil have to do it. Thank you

Finally!

Sounds like the room staff are being really honest with you that's it's chaotic and they are understaffed with a high staff turnover.

I have to agree, it sounds as though the relationship with the Nursery is no longer functioning.

I'd start looking at other Nurseries and CMs.

Whilst you're looking I'd also try and work on how Speech and understanding. This simple progress checker from Speech & Language UK is a good starting point. It will tell you if he's on track or if he needs some support.

If he's been having accidents for 5 months and he's only been out of nappies for 5 months, it doesn't sound as though potty training has been entirely successful. I'd consider thinking about putting him back in nappies, not if he's upset by the prospect though.

I found the book Successful Potty Training incredibly helpful ax it's not a "how to", although it does have a lot of tips, but it does have a lot of stories of what Potty Traning has been like for different people and might help you find a way that works for you and DS

I answered the questions and it came back telling me he may need support.

this is another thing we get no feedback on at nursery.

they also informed last week that he doesn’t get involved with group time. This only came out when we were discussing the toilet issues. I find this quite an important thing that they’ve failed to ever inform me about. How wonderful hearing that your child doesn’t get involved in group time and he’s not encouraged to do so.

I think your expectations are too high considering you are expecting them to make him a sticker chart? Do you know how over worked nursery workers are? Their work load is huge (something you don’t realise as a parent) and a member of staff going to make sticker charts is not their priority.

You obviously aren’t happy with the nursery or their practise so I’d just move him. Not having access to the toilets is ridiculous. My daughter has been potty trained since just 2 with no accidents at nursery but if the toilets were in a seperate room I’d guarantee lots of accidents