Nursery accidents

[Luke1054]

Son is 3 years and 3 months. No accidents at home, well, maybe two over the past 3 months….but at nursery he’s been having accidents for 5 months, average 4 accidents a day…every day he’s there.

they seem to offer no solution to this issue or if they do (like a sticker reward chart) they keep it up for a few days then it gets forgotten about. They only usually do this after I’ve expressed concerns.

he doesn’t speak well but can say poo poo meaning he wants to go to the toilet.

the usual story when challenged is that it’s a big room with a lot of children, my son doesn’t tell them, or it’s a tough job and staff turnover is high.

there have been other issues as well which I won’t go off topic with, one being him moving to the pre school room which seemed to be more about filling their spaces rather than my sons best interests) but I feel massively let down by the nursery and can’t really see how he will stop the accidents as there seems to be no plan or urgency on their part.

am I best to just submit a formal complaint as I have tried verbally for months to no avail.

Thanks for reading.

I answered the questions and it came back telling me he may need support

For now I would prioritise getting that support

I'd ring your HV tomorrow and ask her for an appointment. Tell her that you've done the progress checker from Speech & Language UK and it says that he needs some support.

I would expect the HV to see him and to refer for a hearing test and for SLT.

If DS is in Nursery PT you could also ask if there are any groups running in your area for DC with Speech Delay.

I'd also fill in following two Ages & Stages over the next couple of days and ask your HV to score them for you. You can of course score them yourself and show the HV.

The first one is the 42 month Ages & Stages.

Then fill in the 36 month Social & Emotional Ages & Stagess*.

When you're scoring, it's perfectly acceptable for them to score grey in a couple of areas, no child is going to be perfect in every aspect but anymore than that and I'd want a referral to a Paediatrician.

Did the Nursery suggest anything when they said about him not really coping with going to the toilet and not taking part in group activities?

Did they suggest that their SENCO has a look at him?

It took me around a minute and a half to produce a hand made one with a sharpie pen and a ruler.

the time they spend changing his clothes after accidents could be made back by being proactive in trying to stop the accidents in the first place.

although on another view, you’d think a person working in that environment would have the heart to not want a child doing this and making no progress.

I cannot imagine leaving a child in a nursery that I had reported to ofsted. The trust is completely gone once you get to that stage.

Other than having accidents, is your child otherwise showing signs of unhappiness or being unsettled? Do they eat there? Do they go in happily? Are the accidents part of a broader picture or is this the only issue?

He seems fine there. He’s a very happy child in general.

i don’t really know as there’s no parents evening, there’s no feedback, the review they do is just a numbers system but they are very far apart and they only really happen if you prompt them.

they are by no means giving us much of a picture of what he does there. No help with the accidents, ie suggestions, or what we do at home in regards to toilet access.

it never used to be this bad, it used to be very informative. I really think now they are just babysitting him.

Ofsted won't be interested in a complaint like this, especially as you haven't gone through the nursery's complaints procedure.
"My potty training 3 year old has lots of accidents at nursery and the staff change him" isn't a welfare concern. Neither is that they didn't make him a sticker chart.

I’ve read all your posts OP and I find your priorities strange. You’re more focused on the idea that you’re paying and therefore they must be held accountable. No, what’s more important is your son’s wellbeing and development. That is in your control but you’re letting your anger with the nursery take over.

Just move him for FGS. We moved house when DS was 2.5 and after a few months I wasn’t too happy with the new nursery. Even though he was settled and making friends, his wellbeing was far more important to me so I changed nurseries again.

And your benefits rant was very strange - surely there is a middle ground between pulling him out and not working and keeping him there, such as other nurseries / childminders…

Ok but unfortunately there have been other incidents that could be raised.

making him a sticker chart has never been suggested to be a welfare concern. That’s more of a lack of support.

as i stated at the start of the thread i wont mentioned the other complaints as i dont want it to go off topic.

but what ofsted would do is make sure they are following practices and not just watching the children all day and offering no support. They’ve already admitted to prioritising other children over my own. Not really to sure how ofsted would react to that.

I think every parent should spend a full day working in the nursery to get a Birds Eye view of what’s happening. We don’t sit down, rarely take pee breaks , the full day is non stop action, educating, changing, feeding, preparing activities, stop children arguing, encouraging others to join in and play.

you talk about the staff as if they are lazy.

this by far is the most active non stop job I’ve had and I’ve worked in a few different industries, eg hospitality , retail to name a few,

I agree with Misty. You are very, very focused on making the Nursery accountable.

It sounds like it may be young staff on minimum wage it's poor working conditions of the turnover is high.

Honestly, I'd really try and switch your thinking from making the Nursery accountable and why aren't they coming up with solutions to getting your DS into a more supportive setting and getting him the support he needs.

Many posters have said that having friends at this Nursery is a Red Herring and at this age he'll make new friends soon enough at another setting.

Ok. When have I said they are lazy? I haven’t.

we’ve made up our mind. Thanks all

Why is it this setting can’t do the support?

ive already said this is what we have decided to do

I would love to hear the nursery's side of this story!

Why is it this setting can’t do the support?

Because your DS seems to need Speech and Language Therapy and they're not SLT professionals.

Your DS also isn't potty trained fully if he's having this many accidents.

I've already suggested talking to your HV and asking for a hearing test and Speech Therapy. These are things that you should be doing, not the Nursery.

I've also suggested filling in and scoring the two ASQs. Again, this is something that you should do if you're having problems. It doesn't mean there's an issue but I'd want to check that my DC didn't need some support and I mean support from professional agencies outside of Nursery.

I actually moved DD to another school over a similar issue (amongst other issues). She had been toilet trained for two years and had been attending a nursery with no accidents. When she went to school there were no longer toilets in the room and they had to put their hand up to ask to go. They'd leave her with her hand up for ages as it was a big class so she'd end up having an accident. Moved her to a school where the reception class had a toilet connected to the classroom and she never had an accident again.

I have another DC in nursery and again they can just go to the toilet, she's never had an accident there.

He'll be there another year so I'd move him, especially if other issues too. Completely dry and home and 4 accidents at nursery is a huge difference.

there’s a sen specialist at the nursery. So there’s one claim you’ve made that makes no sense. I’m assuming they’ve been to classes and gained qualifications in spotting these things.

Yes it is a massive difference. Maybe it comes down to the room not be accessible as you say. It would make sense. We are going to look this week as we are both off anyway so should have time.

I'm bowing out now. I hope that you manage to read the thread again and get your DS some help before going to school. I wish your DS some luck too.

I fully agree. A three year old with only a few words is very worrying. By this age they should be speaking in full sentences and be able to play rhyming words games. It would not be unusal for some 3 years to be learning phonics.

Ofsted aren't management or head office for nurseries, they're a regulatory body.
They don't intervene in disputes between nurseries and parents about potty training, activities, snacks offered, staffing etc.
Checking nurseries are doing an outstanding/good/adequate job in providing child care & education is what routine inspections are for.
As your complaints aren't regarding safety or safeguarding issues, they wouldn't trigger an inspection.

So basically they have no obligation to do anything for my child apart from feed him and make sure he doesn’t have a serious injury.

Yet the nursery have never raised their concerns over this.

They have learning requirements, which are to cover the 7 areas of learning in the curriculum, and welfare requirements which are to keep children safe and well.

• Safeguard children.
• Ensure the adults who have contact with children are suitable.
• Promote good health.
• Support and understand behaviour.
• Maintain records, policies, and procedures

If all the nursery are doing is feeding the children and keeping them safe, then in an inspection Ofsted might find they require improvement and give them some suggestions to work on.

Now, last time Ofsted came they thought the nursery was doing a good job. You don't agree.
Ofsted aren't nursery managers, they aren't going to come in and tell the nursery staff what to do.
If you're unhappy with how the nursery or room is run, you can use the nursery complaints procedure and talk to the manager.
Or you can find childcare you prefer.

It's not within your power to force the nursery to provide the service you want.

Well I’ll take my chances and see if the records are being kept.

there’s been a massive decline in the quality we’ve received. Others have noticed this too. So this isn’t just me with the opinion.

i think you’ve taken that out of context I’m afraid.

my priority is my child not the cost.

Not really. You’re awfully focussed on how to make the nursery answer to your concerns rather than ensuring your child is in a setting that best suits his needs and demands. If it’s taken out of context then it’s based on what you’ve written here.