Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

If they want another meeting about hygiene they've probably noticed she's smelly as well as the severe nappy rash.

The HV made a comment/concerned on my DD weight (I knew she was fine). When I saw the doctor I made sure to mention it. Doctor was 🤔as DD weight/perfectly healthy but at least I had the back up of the GP if HV was to mention it again.

Go see the GP then get straight back in contact with the nursery with the outcome. They’re raising a Safeguarding concern. You need to nip this in the bud.

GP for persistent nappy rash. If a cream would clear it up why aren’t you using it and providing it for the nursery to use?

hair brushing is non-negotiable. My dd has mad curly hair but not once have I let her out of the house without it being brushed. I wet it with my hands and water, add a detangling spray and use a tangle teaser. Alternatively bathe her in the morning and use lots of conditioner and comb through after.

Is she always in clean clothes? Dress her after breakfast so she doesn’t have marks on her clothes going in.

We had to go to the doctors for a nappy rash, apparently it's quite common for them to get a fungal rash which can't be shifted without a special cream.

I understand re the curly hair as I have curls myself and don't brush them unless wet otherwise they're frizzy, but my hair is long enough that it doesn't stick up/get matted like a baby's would. My DD has little curls and I wet a comb/tangle teaser and use that, otherwise she can look scruffy too.

I would rather nurseries were over zealous than they didn’t bother. Unfortunately some parents are lazy, callous and neglectful. I am sure you come across a lot of them. And far too many children have died due to neglect.
Better to be safe than sorry.

Also children who are dirty are often bullied at school. And also don’t learn the basics of personal hygiene. I don’t think one should pin a child down but one can easily distract a small child with a toy or treat to ensure basic hygiene like teeth brushing, bathing, hair combing, nail cutting etc. is done. What is the point of calling yourself a parent if you won’t parent the child and teach them right and wrong!

What problem did using the yellow cream cause with your other children?

i don’t understand all the assumptions being made on here, where does the op say that the LO has long hair that she is refusing to cut and would rather leave long and unmanageable.

where do they say that the childs clothes are smelly and dirty

where Does they say that they have been ignoring the nappy rash and letting it get severe, leaving her it dirty poo nappies for hours?

yea nursery flag it, talk to the parents, but there are plenty of reasonable explanations.

One time the birth parents of our children flagged up in family time that we had let the child get sunburnt, and the family time centre and birth parents flagged it up.

We had a call from her social worker asking if we needed additional support to prevent her getting sun burnt. We pointed out it wasn’t sun burn (just happened to be july) it was her ecezma as advised in her communication book (and had been detailed for months so birth parents should be aware of the ecezma) and that they family time centre/ birth parents applying unknown and untested creams on her eczema was a problem. However the question still needs asking and answering

My DD has very thick curly hair which she hates being brushed (ASD) so she has to have it cut really short which she hates. She’s older now so she knows she either lets me brush it or has it cut.

Some tips on curls here for children
Don't ever try to brush it when it's dry

curlmaven.ie/how-to-take-care-of-your-kids-curly-hair/

I think you just have to assume the most likely scenario though. Even poor nurseries will have seen hundreds of babys and will know what's typical of nappy rash. They will also have seen plenty of curly haired kids and will know what is just the curls being a bit wild and what is a result of the hair not being brushed for days/weeks.

Severe nappy rash absolutely does need to be reviewed by a GP if it isn't settling. I'm a GP and I see much more trivial issues believe me

The nursery workers wouldn't be using their precious time to bring OP in and all the paperwork involved if they didn't have genuine and valid concerns

This! My children all have ringlet curls and we wash it then apply curl crème, brush through with comb or fingers and it stays lovely. DD has hers plaited for bed. You can’t just let her hair get tangled because you don’t know how to care for it.

Occasionally small children get nappy rash but it should be something you act on immediately. How often are you changing her nappy?

Re the hair, having her hair looked after in non-negotiable. Brushing curls dry will ruin her hair and be painful. Comb them through with lots of conditioner whilst she's in the bath, wash out the conditioner and then put her hair in plaits to keep it from tangling over night.

I think you do need to get on top of managing her hygiene as it's important not just for her health but her self-respect.

This thread has brought back anxiety from DD's primary days.

She had really bad eczema/psoriasis. It was really, really bad. Her poor little face was red and swollen from it, she had round patches on her arms, legs and torso. Thick dandruff type flakes from her scalp (which bled).

She was treated by the GP who specialised in dermatology and sent photos to the hospital's dermatology department (it was during lockdown, they refused to see us, but advised the GP).

The family support workers at the school called me in to school to see DD.

I got there and explained that she was being treated (nothing had worked at that time, we'd tried lots of prescription treatments, nothing worked).

DD told me that they'd looked at her skin and decided it wasn't eczema (not sure what they thought it was - I think they may have thought ringworm, but I've no idea, they just told DD it didn't look like eczema or psoriasis so needed to see me).

They didn't say anything to me other than questioning if I'd really taken her to see the GP. I went home, accessed DD's GP records, screenshotted it and sent it via an email attachment. I felt accused, but could prove it.

DD's skin finally cleared up with psoriasis treatment, however I'm sure it was due to hormones as it seemed to go within months of her periods starting. She also had warts all over her face, hands, arms, eyes, in her nose - they went when her periods started too.

I was also stopped once (when she was a bit younger), by her teacher who said they'd noticed some little bruises on her shins. They wanted me to be aware that they hadn't happened at school. DD told me that she was questioned by several members of staff about them, saying they looked like finger marks! They never actually accused us, but the idea of somehow hitting the bottom of the font of DD's legs seemed weird. I had no idea how she got them, but she was clumsy.

The ridiculous thing is I was later called in after DD hurt her wrist falling over in the playground. They'd wanted her to stay and tried to persuade her it was just a little sprain, but she moaned so much they thought I should take her home. I collected her and took her to the hospital, where it was found she'd broken two bones in her wrist...and they told me they thought it was a little sprain!!!!

What would you do if she "didn't allow you" to brush her teeth?

my dd had ringlet curls which she wouldn't let me brush due to sensory needs. I used to tie her hair up for nursery in a little bun, so they wouldn't think anything of it, and once it got long enough, I cut the matted curls out and left her with a little bob. It was the easiest way. Eventually, it straightened out and I could brush it for her without pain.

I'm with you on a couple of these points OP. The yellow nappy cream made things worse with my DD, probably because the skin just can't breathe. We switched to Bepanthen which worked much better for her.

DD also had very curly hair as a toddler and no I didn't brush it and nor did a friend whose child also had very curly hair. However I did wash DD's frequently (pretty much every night as toddlers will get food, mud etc. in there) to ensure it was clean.

If your child is turning up with dirty clothes, dirty hair and nappy rash the nursery are right to raise the question with you. They see a lot of kids and if they're choosing to meet with you it's because they see a level of care which is below the standard of the other kids.

As a minimum, DC need to turn up at nursery clean and dry to start the day.

'granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix'

Your attitude sounds flippant.

I think the nursery are right to be concerned.

Op - I hope you are ok. I would say that the post from the social worker who works in children’s services is the best post to read. Try not to worry - I also have a child who has a mass of curls and it’s not easy.

Yes this is a good suggestion, OP.

You coming back @Katied1331 ? Or a "one post and off" poster?

Several people have given OP tips but I can't help but feel that it's sadly falling on deaf ears. If she really cared she would have found it out for herself. Same goes for the other posters claiming that curly hair is the work of the devil.

Curly hair really isn't difficult once you know what you're doing and it's definitely no excuse for a child being severely unkempt

My nephew had tight curls that were impossible to manage, and his parents had the barber give him a buzz cut when he was a toddler. I’d suggest a short, short hair cut for your daughter if the hair is unmanageable and she kicks up a fuss about brushing it. Saves tears, saves your time, and the nursery can then go hang. As to the nappy rash, this looks like great advice…sometimes if it is thrush, it can take a while to clear.
https://www.thenappylady.co.uk/news/nappy-rash-advice.html

I would pay attention to what the social worker poster said too, which was sensible. Good luck with it.

My daughter had bad nappy rash as a baby and nursery raised it with us, we already had cream off the doctor for it and told them and they were happy, it cleared up within a week or so.

I would rather them be over cautious especially with young children.

It is hard with little ones when they refuse their hair brushed etc but you just have to persevere. A tangle teezer and a good spray help, my daughter never liked her hair up either so I kept it shorter while she was young and had a fringe cut in so it was out of her eyes.

clothes wise, I did always keep a drawer for nursery clothes which were older items and potentially may have had small marks but they were always freshly washed and fit her etc.

only you really know how you care for your child and if you should be worried or not.

My dad ATE Metanium once, then started complaining how the mustard tasted awful. It didn’t stop him finishing it off when he found out, but how it ate it I don’t know. It smells like fish!!

Just referring to that last bit - yes they would and they do. And so do schools, and so do A&E departments and ambulance services. We get social service referrals daily that are not even close to a safeguarding concern from all of these establishments. Its a waste of everyone's time and it puts the absolute fear of god into parents who are totally loving and normal.

One thing that I notice more and more as well is the classism around this. When little Tarquin, with his hippy middle class educated parents come to school or nursery in too small charity shop clothes, dirty faces, birds nest hair, and tutu with wellies on and stained clothes its all seen as perfectly ok and 'bohemian' and 'cool'. Because they are eco-conscious warriors who are saving the planet by washing once in cold water once a week, wearing cloth nappies, and giving the kids quinoa for lunch. This is apparently never a safeguarding concern because they have a plummy accent and are 'educated'.

However, when Tracey from the council estates kids are a bit scruffy though its a huge safeguarding concern and everyone is pearl clutching.

Pisses me right off.