Hygiene warning given by nursery

[Katied1331]

Looking for some advice, our DD is attending a nursery for 15 hours and today we have been called in for a meeting as she apparently has severe nappy rash that they believe needs to be seen my a GP (granted it is a little red but nothing a bit of cream won't fix) they also insist on applying yellow cream at every nappy change something that we don't do as this created a problem with our other children! She has been sent home from nursery and not allowed back until she has seen a GP!

The nursery manager has since emailed us and requested a meeting on her hygiene (hair/clothes/previous nappy rash) she has ringlet curls and doesn't allow us to comb/brush her hair so sometimes it does look a little rough! Obviously I am upset that we are being called in but is this anything I should be worried about?!

You’re being neglectful, but you know that. You’ve not liked being told so, hence the non-return.

my daughter has ringlet curls, they are conditioned and styled every single day for nursery. She bathes every day, and yes it is needed bollocks to anyone who says otherwise.

She takes a dettol bath a lot too. Clothes are clean and replaced if stained or damaged.

get it together.

@soooomuchroomforactivities

Can you please list the many strategies you have on cleaning a child's teeth daily who has SEN?

I don't think you'll have as many 'strategies' as the mums of these children who have tried everything.
And you say even young children have bodily autonomy, well if the child refuses to have their nappy changed when they've done a poo, then what? Just wait around until they're ready? That'll be lovely for the nappy rash.

Were you the lady on good morning Britain who was trying to make a point that you have to get consent from a newborn to change their nappy?

If it’s metaniam nappy cream it works wonders. I cared for many babies many years ago. You need to show you are as concerned as they are. Yes speak to gp or health visitor. If it’s very sore she will be in pain particularly at change time. I also had a curly haired child so invest in a comb or just use your fingers when hair is wet.

Yes, my son had very sensitive skin and metanium didn’t help but Weleda cream (as mentioned by a pp) worked wonders.

She "doesn't allow you to brush her hair"??? 🙄 🙄
Its not up to her it's up to YOU!!!

Poor cleanliness and a lack of personal care for really young children is a major red flag for safeguarding and usually comes with a referral to social services in our area.

RE ringlet curls, do you brush her hair in the bath? If not, slather it in conditioner and run a wide toothed comb through it while she’s in the bath and pat dry with a microfibre towel. Do some proper research on how to care for that hair type too, if you introduce a proper hair care routine when she’s this wee it’ll be a lot easier and she’ll be better taken care of hygiene wise.

So take her to the gp then. Why on earth would you not?

nupnup

No i wasnt the woman on Good Morning Britain because Im not insane! Lol.

In terms of strategies - yes I have loads actually. This is due to working with families with children with disabilities for years, and also 3 out of 4 of my kids are on the spectrum. So I know a little bit about what Im talking about.
And Im not saying you leave a child in a shitty nappy because they want to - or leave their teeth uncleaned for weeks on end - what i am saying is there its not an either/or choice. Its not between 'let them sit in shit and not be clean and presentable' or 'pin them down screaming and force these things on them'. There is a wealth of things to do in between. Most of which I have done myself (I am not saying it is easy in the least, its really really not, and tests the patience of a saint).

That was the point I was making.

That simply IS NOT TRUE! I wish people would stop spreading false information and scaring parents half to death. It wouldn't even warrant an assessment.

If nursery have raised some concerns then you should listen to them - nurseries know a thing or two about looking after children, after all.

Just remember it is not meant to be an insult to your parenting. It is about keeping your child safe, healthy and happy - everyone wants the same thing which is your daughter's wellbeing.

I think it’s ok the nursery are having a chat, make sure things are ok, if there are issues always great to flag up early.

but really going against the grain here

Nappy rash, my lo could have a clear bum in the morning, and then due to several poos and sensitive skin it could be an absolute nightmare by the end of the day even using barrier creams, and more than once needed treating by a doctor. It was a regular occurrence, nothing to do with lack of hygiene or basic care.

and the hair brushing, she now 3 with short curly hair, that doesn’t get brushed daily, as she hates it, and I’m not going against her wishes to battle with a brush (got the detangling brushes and the cream
and the sprays) and force brushing it, when it’s going to look like a birds nest half an hour later.

it does get brushed after baths, we don’t bath daily due to the sensitive skin. It looks messy, it’s not matted and doesn’t cause her any discomfort.

im not demanding it be brush as I’m the adult she’s the child, and making hair brushing time a difficult part of every day.

she is getting better and better at tolerating a brush, and has started asking for it to be brushed so I don’t foresee a life time of her not brushing her hair. I’m happy to let her go at her pace and we will get their in the end.

the post doesn’t specify that they send her in dirty clothes, just that clothing would come under the hygiene chat, and I happily send her into nursery with clean but stained clothing as it’s going to get messy anyway

social services have been involved with my adopted daughters life since we picked her up from the hospital at a day old, they have seen the nappy rashes, aware
of the doctors appointment for the nappy rash, seen her in clean but stained clothes , seen her unbrushed hair, and never once considered these things to be of concern.

yes of course they could be signs of a bigger problem so it’s great the nursery want a chat and rule it out, but I think the op is getting a rather hard time here

The nursery should not apply any cream without your permission.
This is because of allergies; what works with one child might cause a reaction in another.

I'm guessing it's metanium, which is wonderful stuff but some children do react to it.
You say your other children have had a problem with it. It could well be that the nursery are exacerbating the nappy rash by repeatedly applying a cream that doesn't suit your child.

Refusal to have their hair brushed is so common, I'm astonished that you're being criticising for it.
With your permission, I'd simply comb her hair myself, as would most childminders, I think. It's a phase they grow out of, but it is important that her hair is brushed or it will result in some awful tangles that will hurt her.

You don't give any information about the clothes issue, so it's hard to judge if they're being overzealous or not. Clothes should be clean (i.e. not smelling or soiled), but stains or older clothes should be fine, especially for nursery when they get so grubby anyway.

The clothes one - at that age could just be breakfast happening. If not, yes they do need clean clothes every day bar miracles of cleanliness. If breakfast, you used to be able to get bibs with sleeves to cover all, or in summer breakfast in just the nappy and flannel down before getting dressed for the day.

Hair - depends on state it's getting in. Curls are tricky and toddlers have a genius for looking scruffy whatever state they started the day in. You could try tying up to be practical for nursery. Or a shorter cut if she'll find it easier at this stage.

Nappy rash - tell them what you are doing and what you found worked for your others. We tended to treat with fresh air whenever possible rather than heavy creams, but bare bums at nursery isn't possible so you might have to live with creams. Perhaps you could talk to them about using one you prefer if you've found the metanium is counterproductive for your previous babies. Can your GP do a triage? If it's as mild as you say they probably won't want to see her anyway.

I’d love to know who these children are who don’t need bathing every day.

Imagine being in a nappy all day and not being bathed. Absolutely awful.

And as the owner of ringlet curls (as were my cousins) we were used very young to sitting in front of our mum every night to be brushed and plaited. My mum was not at all heavy handed but she was stern and there was no way I’d have been allowed to opt out.

Lots of children are prone to nappy rash, especially if they have very sensitive skin. You need to keep on top of this. But there is zero excuse for dirty clothes and untidy hair. She has NO CHOICE over washing and hair brushing. If she refuses, she should have short hair or learn to behave.

I have never understood why parents who have this problem don't just keep the child's hair short? And "Oh it looks so nice long" is not a reason.

Nappy rash and matted hair... That should be a red flag to any responsible parent or nursery.

If your daughter won't let you comb her hair without fussing, cut it short.

It must be bad if the nursery are bringing it to your attention.

I’d be mortified if nursery had called me in to discuss my child in that way.

She was bathed every night and always clean clothes. Nothings changed now and she’s 12.

with regards to her hair, my daughter has ringlet curls, I didn’t have a clue how to deal with it, so I used to just brush it and put it in pigtails, or a pony. She never went to nursery/school with messy hair. I did get pulled up for straightening it, though. 😆

I was a scruffy kid, social services involvement, all that jazz. Taken off our mom for neglect (and other reasons) you have absolutely no chance that anyone would question my parenting or the hygiene of my child. I’ll walk over hot coal to see that my daughter is clean, smells lovely and is presentable.

I'm going to guess it's soft yellow paraffin as its an excellent barrier to retain moisture. It's very sticky and waxy though. My SEN DS wild not tolerate it.

Agreed...Long hair takes a lot more care to look after, matted ''bird's nest'' hair looks horrid.

What is a dettol bath?

Severe painful nappy rash that's recurrent and untreated we would be concerned about but I do mean severe - and something a doctor has referred into us.

Is it a bit odd to only be concerned if a GP has alerted you? What if the Nappy Rash is severe and painful and the DPs haven't bothered to see the GP at all? I thought that not seeking medical help when our DC need it would be a concern for SS?

A normal bath with a cap of dettol liquid in it. My mum used to give them to us when we were little but I don’t give them to my children.

Can help with cuts and grazes etc. I was forever falling over and having grazed knees and elbows.

Oh goodness..that brings back memories.. Yes, if we had fallen over and had badly grazed knees, very rare to have a cap of Dettol in the bath...that had bought back a flash of memories of my childhood bathroom, and the smell of the Dettol...it went faintly white as it hit the water.

Yes, of course you should be worried! Take it as a prompt to seriously up your game.

She needs to be bathed and her hair washed with mild shampoo daily (because their hair gets tangled easily, and they'll get food and all sorts stuck in it). If you're washing her hair daily, the issue of tangles shouldn't be as pressing; use a little mild conditioner in the ends. The occurrence of nappy rash will improve with better hygiene too.

She needs clean clothes daily too.